My Wireless Internet just arrived! I'm so boosted! I cannot WAIT to get home and install this joker so I can go ANYWHERE with my laptop and still be connected. *doing my Beyonce uh-oh dance* Now I can finally get caught up on blogging the way i need to. I'm also working with some of my sistagirls on putting together a makeup 101 class (and hopefully some subsequent classes as well) so i need this connection to be able to work from home.
More info about the class a bit later, but I just had to share my excitement with SOMEone! A sista is BACK IN ACTION!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
I'm ready to change the name of this blog
to, simply, Vanity. Lol! It is far too easy to get used to looking at myself in pictures, just because I have to do hair and makeup every morning, take pics of them, then post them here. I mean, SERIOUSLY. Perhaps, it will help me to control my OOC ego if I just post pics and admire them here opposed to waiting for others to drool over them. *am I serious?* **Dear God, I am. Lord, help me.*
Anyway, these are relatively old (about a week or so) and I can't remember anything about the makeup, lol. (so, really, what's the point then?) I'm sure I'll remember when I open the pics...
Ok, so since, as most of you know, I don't have internet at home until tomorrow (yay for Cricket Wireless Internet!), I won't be able to blog as much as I'd like until tomorrow night. I have about 10 posts to catch up on (i hate not having internet access when I want it).
My goal for this blog is to debut a new look each tuesday (like 106 & Park/MTV debuts New Music Tuesdays). In order to have time for that, i am in search of wonderful new looks to try; some that are already on youtube, and some that aren't. Where in the world would I find these looks already in creation? HELL if i know, since there's almost nothing you cant learn to do on youtube these days....but I'm determined to try. And even if I have to re-create some that are already in existence, ah well...they'll be new to me :-).
Last year, I didn't do any outrageous or edgy looks on myself. They were all pretty tame and ordinary (for me, anyway). I think i do that because--in my mind--it's important to master clean makeup before doing fashion beauty. So, the idea was once I felt I'd mastered clean beauty on my own face, i would move on to doing more extravagant things. The only problem with that is...I NEVER get tired of seeing a beautiful clean makeup face, lol. It just never gets old! I love love love watching those tutorials on youtube where the muas try all sorts of wild colors and looks on their eyes..but it never occurred to me to do them because 1) it's a waste of product for a working makeup artist like myself -- lets keep it real; and 2) I won't be wearing any of those looks out of the house ANY time soon. So I will continue to drool over them while I'm at work with nothing to do but f*ck off my free time on youtube...but probably won't be trying them at home. I got away from buying alot of product (especially eyeshadows) because makeup manufacturers began to produce colors that looked all the same for a minute...all the new stuff was WAY too close to colors i already had so there was no point in buying more of the same ol' same ol'. But, I will PROMISE to get back on track with buying new shadows--OTHER THAN MAC--and slathering them all over my eyes for your (ok, who am I kidding? AND MY) enjoyment. I must admit: once I started working in makeup, some of the fun dwindled and I really lost the connection to why I love it so much. I miss that :-(.
Fun is the key word for 2010. Work was the word for 2009. now that I've gotten that out of the way, I am excited to get back to fun in this upcoming year. I haven't had fun in a looooong time; fun with makeup, fun with fashion and accessories (got some fiyah for that part of this blog in the upcoming weeks too), fun with guys and dating (can't forget about them!), fun with family and friends, fun by myself, just...nothing. I worked like a $5 pimp this year (and I am proud that I reached every single one of my goals for the year. every.single.one) so I have a foundation to build upon this upcoming year. I've been a busy little bee in the past weeks, getting ready to burst on the scene in 2010 in ways I wasn't able to in 2009, and I can't wait to share them with you all! Thank you for your patience during posting lags (sorry Brandy!), I promise I will do my personal best to stay on top of it from now on.
If I don't get to see you before this year turns into next year, I hope that God continues to bless you abundantly and fruitfully; that you set your hopes on all of your wildest dreams; and that you keep your eyes forever and always to the skies...
Love,
Beautiful Day
Anyway, these are relatively old (about a week or so) and I can't remember anything about the makeup, lol. (so, really, what's the point then?) I'm sure I'll remember when I open the pics...
oh! ok, See! Toldja I'd remember. This is my second attempt at using Soft Ochre as a base with nothing over it. Just that color, liner, and mascara. I wasn't sure how the rest of the face was supposed to go because I wasn't sure how the eye color would look on my warm undertones (it's all coming back to me now) so i kept everything very natural/neutral.
That said, I saw a video today that has rejuvenated my love for all things VIVA GLAM!! I went in search of reviews for Sam Fine's video because I got one for Christmas and I found this. she is gorgeous, her makeup is cool (in this video, anyway) for the most part, but her lip color just had me like "wowzazzzz!" She has very full beautiful lips (like moi) so whenever I see someone who rocks a purrty lip color on full lips, i always get excited. At first I thought "that must be a new color or something" but then, when I saw the link to the tutorial for the look (here) and realized it was all just a plum lip liner with both Viva Glams (color and gloss), i was BOOOOHOOOOSTED! I have BOTH of them right at home, and can't figure out why I haven't worn them in FOREVER. Hmph. Lemme get right on top of that.
Ok, so since, as most of you know, I don't have internet at home until tomorrow (yay for Cricket Wireless Internet!), I won't be able to blog as much as I'd like until tomorrow night. I have about 10 posts to catch up on (i hate not having internet access when I want it).
My goal for this blog is to debut a new look each tuesday (like 106 & Park/MTV debuts New Music Tuesdays). In order to have time for that, i am in search of wonderful new looks to try; some that are already on youtube, and some that aren't. Where in the world would I find these looks already in creation? HELL if i know, since there's almost nothing you cant learn to do on youtube these days....but I'm determined to try. And even if I have to re-create some that are already in existence, ah well...they'll be new to me :-).
Last year, I didn't do any outrageous or edgy looks on myself. They were all pretty tame and ordinary (for me, anyway). I think i do that because--in my mind--it's important to master clean makeup before doing fashion beauty. So, the idea was once I felt I'd mastered clean beauty on my own face, i would move on to doing more extravagant things. The only problem with that is...I NEVER get tired of seeing a beautiful clean makeup face, lol. It just never gets old! I love love love watching those tutorials on youtube where the muas try all sorts of wild colors and looks on their eyes..but it never occurred to me to do them because 1) it's a waste of product for a working makeup artist like myself -- lets keep it real; and 2) I won't be wearing any of those looks out of the house ANY time soon. So I will continue to drool over them while I'm at work with nothing to do but f*ck off my free time on youtube...but probably won't be trying them at home. I got away from buying alot of product (especially eyeshadows) because makeup manufacturers began to produce colors that looked all the same for a minute...all the new stuff was WAY too close to colors i already had so there was no point in buying more of the same ol' same ol'. But, I will PROMISE to get back on track with buying new shadows--OTHER THAN MAC--and slathering them all over my eyes for your (ok, who am I kidding? AND MY) enjoyment. I must admit: once I started working in makeup, some of the fun dwindled and I really lost the connection to why I love it so much. I miss that :-(.
Fun is the key word for 2010. Work was the word for 2009. now that I've gotten that out of the way, I am excited to get back to fun in this upcoming year. I haven't had fun in a looooong time; fun with makeup, fun with fashion and accessories (got some fiyah for that part of this blog in the upcoming weeks too), fun with guys and dating (can't forget about them!), fun with family and friends, fun by myself, just...nothing. I worked like a $5 pimp this year (and I am proud that I reached every single one of my goals for the year. every.single.one) so I have a foundation to build upon this upcoming year. I've been a busy little bee in the past weeks, getting ready to burst on the scene in 2010 in ways I wasn't able to in 2009, and I can't wait to share them with you all! Thank you for your patience during posting lags (sorry Brandy!), I promise I will do my personal best to stay on top of it from now on.
If I don't get to see you before this year turns into next year, I hope that God continues to bless you abundantly and fruitfully; that you set your hopes on all of your wildest dreams; and that you keep your eyes forever and always to the skies...
Love,
Beautiful Day
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Quote(s) for Today
"There's a little voice inside of you that never tells lies. You need to listen to it, and always follow it."
-- Nakia Stith, President and CEO, Top of the Clock
"Follow your dream. Be Different. DO NOT BE SCARED. And don't just follow the paper trail; the money will come when you do what you love." ---Natasha Eubanks, CEO of Young, Black, and Fabulous
-- Nakia Stith, President and CEO, Top of the Clock
"Follow your dream. Be Different. DO NOT BE SCARED. And don't just follow the paper trail; the money will come when you do what you love." ---Natasha Eubanks, CEO of Young, Black, and Fabulous
Friday, December 18, 2009
Lost in Translation
Aight, so this morning, I was very inspired to do this classic Marilyn Monroe-ish glamorous eye and red lip combo. First lemme say that I'm officially over the lighting in my bathroom. It took me almost 45 minutes to complete this look...only to discover that it's too light for pictures (coupled with the lighting in my bathroom). But, I didn't have time to go over it, and it would've been a little darker than I wanted to wear to work today. So, this weekend, when i'm snowed in, I'll do it again, with darker colors. I wish I could find a picture to show you the look I was going for...because in my pics, it looks too basic compared to what I saw in my mind. I had it all planned out, too...but the lighting was too bright, the colors weren't dark enough, and the red lipstick was too...ugh. Just...not what I saw in my mind. I hate it when that happens, lol Because I know what it feels like when you nail it RIGHT on the head and that's a great feeling.
Anyway, here are the pics below. Oh, and I'm officially done with concealer. Ive used it in every picture this week, both with the corrector and without...and it always gets into those tiny wrinkles that I can't get rid of. So, I'm done. Good thing I made this decision now, too...cuz i'm almost out and if I felt like it worked better for me, I'd run out to replace it. But, no thanks Bobbi Brown!
First, at my house, with the red lip:
And then, after I discovered that it didn't come out looking a THING like I wanted it to:
LoL, just PISSED!
And then, when I realized it didn't matter cuz it was time to go:
I think you can see the eyes a llllliiiiittle better here, but not how I wanted to see them.
Again, that is a very messy top line, but I was rushing especially because I knew the lashes would take me longer. Usually, when I apply lashes, I line the top lash line first. It is AMAZING for adhering. but, it takes longer because it's an extra step. This morning, I lazily decided to skip that step in the spirit of trying to save time...and ended up taking double the time because lashes that don't stick initially, have to be held in place until they dry...otherwise they're all over the place. Sigh. I should've just done the extra step. Lesson LEARNT. Hmph.
Lets see. The colors here are:
Shadow base: Bare Canvas
Crease: 1.) Espresso and 2.) spiced Chocolate
Bottom Water Line: First coat: Gesso Second Coat: MUFE Diamond EyeShadow #306
Contour: Old Faithful, lol Blunt
Lips: First Coat: Brave Red Second Coat: Frenched Gloss: Who's That Lady
Lips: After I got to work and changed: Cork Liner, Purple Reign (Carol's Daughter)
Everything else is the usual.
Lol. A mess.
Beautiful Day
Anyway, here are the pics below. Oh, and I'm officially done with concealer. Ive used it in every picture this week, both with the corrector and without...and it always gets into those tiny wrinkles that I can't get rid of. So, I'm done. Good thing I made this decision now, too...cuz i'm almost out and if I felt like it worked better for me, I'd run out to replace it. But, no thanks Bobbi Brown!
First, at my house, with the red lip:
And then, after I discovered that it didn't come out looking a THING like I wanted it to:
And then, when I realized it didn't matter cuz it was time to go:
Once I got to work, and took off that God-awful red lipstick (don't get me wrong, I love Brave Red as well as Frenched but with the shirt I wore, the lighting and the too light colors on the eyes...it just didn't work today.) Perhaps I could've (or rather, should've) used a darker red. Ah well, I'll try it this weekend.
Here's some more I did once I got to work, in *gag* the halogen overhead lights in the bathroom...which is even worse. By that point, i was ready to just wipe everything off and start working for the day, lol....
I think you can see the eyes a llllliiiiittle better here, but not how I wanted to see them.And here:
Again, that is a very messy top line, but I was rushing especially because I knew the lashes would take me longer. Usually, when I apply lashes, I line the top lash line first. It is AMAZING for adhering. but, it takes longer because it's an extra step. This morning, I lazily decided to skip that step in the spirit of trying to save time...and ended up taking double the time because lashes that don't stick initially, have to be held in place until they dry...otherwise they're all over the place. Sigh. I should've just done the extra step. Lesson LEARNT. Hmph.
Lets see. The colors here are:
Shadow base: Bare Canvas
Crease: 1.) Espresso and 2.) spiced Chocolate
Bottom Water Line: First coat: Gesso Second Coat: MUFE Diamond EyeShadow #306
Contour: Old Faithful, lol Blunt
Lips: First Coat: Brave Red Second Coat: Frenched Gloss: Who's That Lady
Lips: After I got to work and changed: Cork Liner, Purple Reign (Carol's Daughter)
Everything else is the usual.
Lol. A mess.Anyway, that's it for today. I gotta get some work done because my weekend just got REAL PACKED real quick so I wont be able to stay late today.
Y'all have fun and be safe this weekend, especially if it snows. This is the last shopping weekend before Christmas so stay alert, watch your purses and wallets, and take care not to run anyone over!
Eyes to the skies, lovies!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Long Hair and Blue Eyes
Yup, that's me today. rockin the long straight look with interesting blue eyeshadow. It took a while to put it together because I used the BB Color Corrector and Concealer kit which I usually don't do cuz it takes so long. This morning was no exception. it took forever because you have to apply, then wait for it to set, then do it all over again. or maybe that's just me. *crickets* I hate having dark circles under my eyes!! Grrrrr! As if wearing makeup wasn't involved enough as it is! *HEAVY SIIIIIGH*
Anyway, this morning amid a flurry of activity involving the maintenance man and scrambled eggs, I completed this look before work. I was so wishing I had remembered to take pictures of the step-by-step process, but I didn't have time. Cuz, to look at it, it looks very minimal, like it took no time (i hate when that happens) but it took me a minute to finish.
Have a looksy:
Eyes closed so you can see the close up. This is a combination of about 5 different colors, including the inner corner color...
And the mandatory profile shot:
The second shot is just me, doin what I do best, lol. I swear, i pose more than Diddy! But, no really, I wanted to give a full frontal shot so you can see how it looks on.
The last shot is me trying to get a close up of my favorite winter blush, Format. Ginger had asked about it yesterday, but I didn't have any pictures. it looks very faint in this picture, but i applied it much heavier than I normally do...and you can still barely see it. MAC is not allowing me to save the picture so I can show you, but the site has Format described as "Format: Pinkish-brown (Frost)". I swear it looks darker in person, but I guess you'll have to take my word for it.
The liner, mascara, powder, and liner are the usual, lip gloss is some random Sephora pinkish-clear gloss I found lying around.
I'm really excited about buying new makeup next week! Hang tight, kiddies! I'll have more pictures soon. I think tomorrow I'll do a glamorous vintage look. I'm feelin kinda classic today...we'll see what happens.
Anyway, this morning amid a flurry of activity involving the maintenance man and scrambled eggs, I completed this look before work. I was so wishing I had remembered to take pictures of the step-by-step process, but I didn't have time. Cuz, to look at it, it looks very minimal, like it took no time (i hate when that happens) but it took me a minute to finish.
Have a looksy:
Eyes closed so you can see the close up. This is a combination of about 5 different colors, including the inner corner color...
And the mandatory profile shot:
The second shot is just me, doin what I do best, lol. I swear, i pose more than Diddy! But, no really, I wanted to give a full frontal shot so you can see how it looks on.
The last shot is me trying to get a close up of my favorite winter blush, Format. Ginger had asked about it yesterday, but I didn't have any pictures. it looks very faint in this picture, but i applied it much heavier than I normally do...and you can still barely see it. MAC is not allowing me to save the picture so I can show you, but the site has Format described as "Format: Pinkish-brown (Frost)". I swear it looks darker in person, but I guess you'll have to take my word for it.
The liner, mascara, powder, and liner are the usual, lip gloss is some random Sephora pinkish-clear gloss I found lying around.
I'm really excited about buying new makeup next week! Hang tight, kiddies! I'll have more pictures soon. I think tomorrow I'll do a glamorous vintage look. I'm feelin kinda classic today...we'll see what happens.
Keep your head to the sky, Love. Until tomorrow...
Inspired by Ginger
Hello Again everybody! So sorry to have been gone for so long :-(. My laptop crashed, plus you know the fall is the slow season for makeup so not much has been going on lately. I never did get those proofs from that photographer that I worked with. We've since parted ways and don't work together anymore. So I've been doing my mommy thing, working, getting ready for Christmas, going back to church, and I started online dating, lol...if you can believe that. I've been a busy little bee.
Anyway, back to the matter at hand.
Yesterday, Ginger--a fellow DC Sistagirl-- posted about some MAC colors that she likes. It inspired me to use them ( cuz you know I have them too, lol) and I took pictures. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad for the inspiration because I was feeling real BLAH about makeup. Had been for a while. But, yesterday?? got my second wind, and I'm ready to play again. Which means I get to buy new colors, try new products (including holiday stuff, which i love) and have an excuse to take pictures of myself, lol. YEAH!!!
I'm a *hot mess*.
Here's my post from yesterday:
Morning All,
So, I was inspired by Ginger's post this morning and decided to do some Peachtwist in the Winter ( i only ever wear it in Spring and Summer). It came out okay, but I had to contour it a bit so that it wasn't so "I've been standing outside in the cold way too long" rosy. A few of them may have come out a little blurry (sorry)...
The eye colors are Amber Lights (inner), Brash (Center), Spiced Chocolate (outer V), and I threw in some Cranberry to blend the two outer colors, just for old times sake since that color is so daggone old, lol.
Cheeks are contoured with Blunt (which is my favorite contour color, btw), topped with Peachtwist, and highlighted with my highlighter-of-the-moment Mineralize Skin Finish in Porcelain Pink. This skinfinish also comes in a bronzy color but I'm stuck on this one right now, lol, so I'll probably get the bronze one next spring.
Liner is Blacktrack, Concealer is the BB concealer kit in Golden, and Mascara is Loreal Voluminous in Carbon (since last month, i've been doing the one with the curved brush and it makes a HUGE difference, IMO), BB tinted Moisturizer in Dark Tint, and finished with MAC Mineralize SkinFinish in Medium Dark (which is my winter powder when i get pale again). Oh, and then the lips are just the basic everyday nude (Cork [liner], Hug Me [Lipstick], and Who's That Lady [Gloss]).
I'm so glad for inspiration! Though I've done this look before, I haven't been really inspired by makeup at all lately...I was just tellin Reina yesterday that I don't even FEEL like a makeup artist, let alone like I wanna continue to work on being one full time. Makeup is very blah right now. Ech. So, THANKS GINGER for the inspiration to play again!
Anyway, back to the matter at hand.
Yesterday, Ginger--a fellow DC Sistagirl-- posted about some MAC colors that she likes. It inspired me to use them ( cuz you know I have them too, lol) and I took pictures. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad for the inspiration because I was feeling real BLAH about makeup. Had been for a while. But, yesterday?? got my second wind, and I'm ready to play again. Which means I get to buy new colors, try new products (including holiday stuff, which i love) and have an excuse to take pictures of myself, lol. YEAH!!!
I'm a *hot mess*.
Here's my post from yesterday:
Morning All,
So, I was inspired by Ginger's post this morning and decided to do some Peachtwist in the Winter ( i only ever wear it in Spring and Summer). It came out okay, but I had to contour it a bit so that it wasn't so "I've been standing outside in the cold way too long" rosy. A few of them may have come out a little blurry (sorry)...
The eye colors are Amber Lights (inner), Brash (Center), Spiced Chocolate (outer V), and I threw in some Cranberry to blend the two outer colors, just for old times sake since that color is so daggone old, lol.
Cheeks are contoured with Blunt (which is my favorite contour color, btw), topped with Peachtwist, and highlighted with my highlighter-of-the-moment Mineralize Skin Finish in Porcelain Pink. This skinfinish also comes in a bronzy color but I'm stuck on this one right now, lol, so I'll probably get the bronze one next spring.
Liner is Blacktrack, Concealer is the BB concealer kit in Golden, and Mascara is Loreal Voluminous in Carbon (since last month, i've been doing the one with the curved brush and it makes a HUGE difference, IMO), BB tinted Moisturizer in Dark Tint, and finished with MAC Mineralize SkinFinish in Medium Dark (which is my winter powder when i get pale again). Oh, and then the lips are just the basic everyday nude (Cork [liner], Hug Me [Lipstick], and Who's That Lady [Gloss]).
I'm so glad for inspiration! Though I've done this look before, I haven't been really inspired by makeup at all lately...I was just tellin Reina yesterday that I don't even FEEL like a makeup artist, let alone like I wanna continue to work on being one full time. Makeup is very blah right now. Ech. So, THANKS GINGER for the inspiration to play again!
Sorry that that first one is a little fuzzy, i don't know why the camera does that. :-(
though these are old colors, I still use them when I want that warm 'n toasty look. This is a great summer look any year, no matter when the colors debuted. Trust, when next the payroll gods send forth a sacrifice for my diligent work here on Earth, I WILL be making a trip over to www.macpro.com to receive my spoils.
Score!
Head to the sky, Lovies!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Happy Birthday Reina!
Today is my baby's birthday! Thats right, today, my closest and most dear friend turns the ripe old age of 29...wit her old ass, lol. She and I have been friends since 2003...which seems like a lifetime ago. We've had so many ups and downs, I think we give new meaning to the term "ups and downs". But, through everything that has and hasnt happened, we have stuck by each other, like Golden Girls. I think we may actually have been sisters in another life because we fight like real siblings, lol. I wouldn't trade her for a singe solitary thing though.
Yesterday, around 11/12ish, she emailed me a link to an antique vanity that she found on craigslist. she was practically drooling so I knew i wanted to get it for her, for her birthday. She'd emailed the owner about it and was waiting to hear back from him. So I call him IMMEDIATELY and it's still available. I told him to make sure that if he received an email from some one by her name, an email address like hers, ANYTHING...tell her it's been taken. He laughs, but agrees. Initially, he offered delivery but then said that his car was too small. So, i have to call a friend with a van to borrow for the pick up.
The friend says "my van's full of Salvation Army donations so there's no room." At this point, I can't afford to rent a truck and buy the vanity, so I feel screwed. I've already committed to picking up the vanity so I have to figure out a way to get it now. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, i've done whatever my latest bonehead bff stupid thing is and she's angry with me...and now doesn't even want to see me on her birthday. Bummer. Not even talking to me. Sigh. I can't decide if I should still get the vanity, knowing we'll eventually talk again, or just skip it and get her something later. The petty bitch in me wanted to skip it, but my love for my friends runs real deep and I knew I would regret not getting it later when we were back on speaking terms. So, the friend with the van says she can't donate her stuff to the Salvation Army until Saturday because they close early on weekdays. Sigh. So, I offer to drive the stuff down to the Salvation Army to make room for the vanity the next day. There was a TON of stuff in the back of that damn van!! I only had time to go on my lunch break so I had to split the donations up in to two trips (lunch time yesterday and lunch time today) just to make sure everything got donated and there was enough room. The first trip was a nightmare because Duke Street closed down in the middle of the gatdamn day so I was stuck in traffic for an hour. Simultaneously, I'm trying to iron things over with her on the IM while driving and cursing at the traffic. It was a hot mess. Try typing an apology on your phone's little ass keyboard while stuck in traffic on a one lane street knowing full well you've been gone longer than your lunch hour. See how happy you feel. LOL.
Anyway, the second day--today--went okay. Today was just a matter of planning how to get it into the house without her seeing me or vanity. Luckily, she was out running an errand at the same time I was picking up the vanity. So, I called her husband to make sure she wasn't home, and wouldn't be any time soon. She'd already said she didn't really want to see me this week, but I had to deliver the vanity anyway because there was nowhere else for it to go. Ten minutes away from her house, I got lost. Just, turned around for no damn reason. Her husband is on the phone trying to talk me to the house but I'm so nervous because I just KNOW she's gonna get back before me...and my nervousness is making me make stupid mistakes...all while driving someone else's van that I'm not used to. i mean, tires screeching, running lights, honking at pedestrians, giving ppl the finger. Sigh. I was in a hurry, lol. On the phone with the husband, i'm LITERALLY turning on to her street when he says "awwww, she's here :-( You're too late, she just pulled up. Sorry." Ugh, BUMMER!!
I tried to think of something else he could take her out to do so I could sneak it in...but his tone let me know he was done with me for the night, lol. And when I pulled up, she was right there :-(. Ah well. i tried. He helped me unload the van, and we took it inside. Since it'd been broken down to pieces, she didn't recognize it at first...but it didn't take long for her nosy behind to put two and two together. So when i brought the final piece in, she was all "i know what you did! yay!!". though I would've preferred to just drop it off and not disturb her, and to have it be a total surprise, i can't say I'm unhappy that I was there to see her happy face. We hugged, and she thanked me, and we high fived, lol. It was great. There were some hoops, but in the end, her cheesing smiling face--coupled with her lil happy dance--made it worth every second. The van that i'd borrowed had a low battery and i couldn't turn it off while i unloaded, so i didnt get to stay long but I'm so thankful I got to see her on her pre-birthday evening, even if only for a second.
happy birthday, mama. i heart ewe <3.
:-)
Score one for the Mommy, once again.
Yesterday, around 11/12ish, she emailed me a link to an antique vanity that she found on craigslist. she was practically drooling so I knew i wanted to get it for her, for her birthday. She'd emailed the owner about it and was waiting to hear back from him. So I call him IMMEDIATELY and it's still available. I told him to make sure that if he received an email from some one by her name, an email address like hers, ANYTHING...tell her it's been taken. He laughs, but agrees. Initially, he offered delivery but then said that his car was too small. So, i have to call a friend with a van to borrow for the pick up.
The friend says "my van's full of Salvation Army donations so there's no room." At this point, I can't afford to rent a truck and buy the vanity, so I feel screwed. I've already committed to picking up the vanity so I have to figure out a way to get it now. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, i've done whatever my latest bonehead bff stupid thing is and she's angry with me...and now doesn't even want to see me on her birthday. Bummer. Not even talking to me. Sigh. I can't decide if I should still get the vanity, knowing we'll eventually talk again, or just skip it and get her something later. The petty bitch in me wanted to skip it, but my love for my friends runs real deep and I knew I would regret not getting it later when we were back on speaking terms. So, the friend with the van says she can't donate her stuff to the Salvation Army until Saturday because they close early on weekdays. Sigh. So, I offer to drive the stuff down to the Salvation Army to make room for the vanity the next day. There was a TON of stuff in the back of that damn van!! I only had time to go on my lunch break so I had to split the donations up in to two trips (lunch time yesterday and lunch time today) just to make sure everything got donated and there was enough room. The first trip was a nightmare because Duke Street closed down in the middle of the gatdamn day so I was stuck in traffic for an hour. Simultaneously, I'm trying to iron things over with her on the IM while driving and cursing at the traffic. It was a hot mess. Try typing an apology on your phone's little ass keyboard while stuck in traffic on a one lane street knowing full well you've been gone longer than your lunch hour. See how happy you feel. LOL.
Anyway, the second day--today--went okay. Today was just a matter of planning how to get it into the house without her seeing me or vanity. Luckily, she was out running an errand at the same time I was picking up the vanity. So, I called her husband to make sure she wasn't home, and wouldn't be any time soon. She'd already said she didn't really want to see me this week, but I had to deliver the vanity anyway because there was nowhere else for it to go. Ten minutes away from her house, I got lost. Just, turned around for no damn reason. Her husband is on the phone trying to talk me to the house but I'm so nervous because I just KNOW she's gonna get back before me...and my nervousness is making me make stupid mistakes...all while driving someone else's van that I'm not used to. i mean, tires screeching, running lights, honking at pedestrians, giving ppl the finger. Sigh. I was in a hurry, lol. On the phone with the husband, i'm LITERALLY turning on to her street when he says "awwww, she's here :-( You're too late, she just pulled up. Sorry." Ugh, BUMMER!!
I tried to think of something else he could take her out to do so I could sneak it in...but his tone let me know he was done with me for the night, lol. And when I pulled up, she was right there :-(. Ah well. i tried. He helped me unload the van, and we took it inside. Since it'd been broken down to pieces, she didn't recognize it at first...but it didn't take long for her nosy behind to put two and two together. So when i brought the final piece in, she was all "i know what you did! yay!!". though I would've preferred to just drop it off and not disturb her, and to have it be a total surprise, i can't say I'm unhappy that I was there to see her happy face. We hugged, and she thanked me, and we high fived, lol. It was great. There were some hoops, but in the end, her cheesing smiling face--coupled with her lil happy dance--made it worth every second. The van that i'd borrowed had a low battery and i couldn't turn it off while i unloaded, so i didnt get to stay long but I'm so thankful I got to see her on her pre-birthday evening, even if only for a second.
happy birthday, mama. i heart ewe <3.
:-)
Score one for the Mommy, once again.
Misadventures on a Beautiful Day: Plenty of Fish, Day 22
Welcome back, ladies, to the ever-exciting world of Dating: Sistagirl Style. Today finds our heroine hard at pretending to work while her boss is out for the week...so we know what that means, riiight? it's PLENTY OF FISH TIIIIME! That's right gurls, today we've got mo' ignance, mo' tomfoolery, and mo' bitchassness than you can possibly consume in one work day without passing the hell out! Continue below for the wreckage...
Victim #1: Let's call him *Roderick.
Roderick is a tall muscular caramel skinned brotha with intense hazel eyes and, apparently, an appetite for thick beautiful women. At first glance, Roderick appears to have all of his teeth firmly intact, a body to die for, and according to his profile, is an avid Teena Marie fan. Unfortunately for this brotha, i am NOT a teena marie stan, so it's totally lost on me. Anywho, this was Roderick's first email to me:
"Hello I am Roderick. I am originally from philly. I am in DC now. I saw your page, and you caught my attention. I am 6'2" 235 lbs, hazel eyes, and attractive. I am educated and professionally employed. I am also a nice guy, if your interested, get back to me. Thanks"
There's something about that first line that keeps reminding me of Amistad ("Give Us Free!"), but that could just be me. I guess I'm just used to "My name is.." as opposed to "I am..". WHATEVER, I'm probably being way too picky...but would explain why my reply to that first email was "Is this a joke?". He replied no so I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. After confirming that his picture and message were, in fact real, Roderick continues with this message:
"I reside right near old town on alexandria. where in alexandria are you located? Are you single, live alone, kids, etc...? What are you attracted to in a man, physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually? what are you looking for or open to? what are your likes, dislikes, sexual turn ons, offs, etc...? What puts a smile on your face? what do you do for a living?"
Because I'm me, I tend to analyze things TO DEATH. I wasn't turned off by his choice of questions, but I did find it strange that he threw sex right in with everything else, off the break. I wondered if he was playing his cards a little too soon...But, again, i wasn't turned off...so I replied that I, too, lived in Alexandria; I have a son who's 9 and also plays little league football (his profile mentions that he's a little league football coach); i'm open to meeting someone who's honest, funny, not at all boring, confident, and emotionally strong; sexually, I like to think outside of the box and keep things interesting; my likes and dislikes are too many to list, but I'm an Eagles fan and I've never been to Miami so I'd like to travel there next. <-------my entire response, summarized.
To which he responded, lol:
"Well, as for me. besides an obvious facial and physical attraction, she needs to be intelligent, mentally and emotionally stable, a good listener, and a good heart. She needs to be educated, not neccessarily degree'd, but at least someone with a worldly outlook on life. She needs to be a relatively happy woman. One that is comfortable in her own skin, with her mentality, aswell as her emotions. She needs to be comfortable with her sexuality, as well as have a high drive and appetite. She needs to be giving. In laymens terms, a lady in the street and a slut in the bedroom. Perfection, lol. So, tell me, how do you compare to what I look for? "
Bwahahahaha! I bolded that last question, just because I thought it hilarious that he got right to it. You gotta admire a brotha who doesn't mince words. Haha, he may as well have just said "look, b*tch...are we f*ckin or NOT?" But, I humored him just cuz I ain't got shit else to do, and I replied that, though I didn't think he was looking for anything extraordinary, I did notice how he answered none of the questions that I'd asked him...but was VERY concerned with how I measured up to his standards...and asked if there was any particular reason why he was being so evasive if he was, in fact, as giving as he'd said he was. (SB: now keep in mind, I'm not being selfish by not posting my entire responses, only his. I'm just really long winded and this is already gonna be a long entry so I had to summarize mine.) At this point in the convo, I've asked him what team he coaches for, where he recommends I go in Miami, which hotel he works for, what his movie likes and dislikes are, AND if he's ever been to California? To which he replied:
*giggling @ how stupid men are*
""I have to ask though...What are you into sexually? I mean to say, what do you like to do and have done to you?, ie straight, oral (giving or recieving), anal, positions,etc...?How active are you presently? when was the lasttime?Ok, since I did go there, its only fair to answer as well. Well as far as me, I am into pleasing my partner.I mean its really about her being happy and satified, which includes climaxing as often as possible lolI am old school, if I can't eat it I don't want it. I love to go down on my woman, mmm mmm LOVE IT!!!!,well if I feel her like that.I am open to anything that doesn't involve invading holes in my body lol feel me?I like doggie, 69, being ridden is the best, especially flat footed, deeper penetration that way. I like my woman that likes sex and is very sensual. I also prefer a woman that understands the differences between the ways men and women view sex and love.That understands that if you have a man, not a dog mind you, but a man, that the more he has sex with you, that its actually a good thing. In a world where we as men are some what emotionally repressed, its one of the main ways we show emotion and love, through sexually pleasing our woman thereby getting approval and confidence that she is happy and into us.Most women miss this point,but in truth, if I love my woman, there isn't a moment of any day where I wouldn't rather be inside her, pleasing her than doing anything else.I had the one, but unfortunately for me, or us, she chose otherwise. I can be happy with the right one, and be thrilled if she is all I want, and thats not that hard...." -------------sorry, i had to cut it there because my insides are about to burst if I laugh any harder. I can't TAKE it!!
Wait, wha? What does ANY of that have to do with A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G?? Like, WHO ARE YOU?? Am I being punked??
It concludes with my reply [the only short one besides the first two]:
"Again, still no answers to the questions I've asked you, yet a lot of volunteered information that I did not ask for...which is a bad sign. Thanks, but no thanks.
Take care and good luck in your search for The One.
Goodbye."
Of course, immediately after that, he floods my inbox with a thousand answers to every question I asked, claiming he sent those answers in a second SEPARATE email and doesn't understand why I didn't get that separate email...
*side eye* followed immediately by *small eyes* and then a combination of *boo/hiss/boo!* while *rolling my eyes*. I can't take it. I just can't. All I can do is shake my head....And LMBAO!!
WHEW! I tell you, these guys make me wanna RUN and find a mentor for my son A.S.A.P.
Y'all stay tuned for the next episode where we meet *Brandon, the sensitive and chubby computer guy with a secret behind his smile...
*Name has been changed to protect theasshole's subject's privacy.
Victim #1: Let's call him *Roderick.
Roderick is a tall muscular caramel skinned brotha with intense hazel eyes and, apparently, an appetite for thick beautiful women. At first glance, Roderick appears to have all of his teeth firmly intact, a body to die for, and according to his profile, is an avid Teena Marie fan. Unfortunately for this brotha, i am NOT a teena marie stan, so it's totally lost on me. Anywho, this was Roderick's first email to me:
"Hello I am Roderick. I am originally from philly. I am in DC now. I saw your page, and you caught my attention. I am 6'2" 235 lbs, hazel eyes, and attractive. I am educated and professionally employed. I am also a nice guy, if your interested, get back to me. Thanks"
There's something about that first line that keeps reminding me of Amistad ("Give Us Free!"), but that could just be me. I guess I'm just used to "My name is.." as opposed to "I am..". WHATEVER, I'm probably being way too picky...but would explain why my reply to that first email was "Is this a joke?". He replied no so I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. After confirming that his picture and message were, in fact real, Roderick continues with this message:
"I reside right near old town on alexandria. where in alexandria are you located? Are you single, live alone, kids, etc...? What are you attracted to in a man, physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually? what are you looking for or open to? what are your likes, dislikes, sexual turn ons, offs, etc...? What puts a smile on your face? what do you do for a living?"
Because I'm me, I tend to analyze things TO DEATH. I wasn't turned off by his choice of questions, but I did find it strange that he threw sex right in with everything else, off the break. I wondered if he was playing his cards a little too soon...But, again, i wasn't turned off...so I replied that I, too, lived in Alexandria; I have a son who's 9 and also plays little league football (his profile mentions that he's a little league football coach); i'm open to meeting someone who's honest, funny, not at all boring, confident, and emotionally strong; sexually, I like to think outside of the box and keep things interesting; my likes and dislikes are too many to list, but I'm an Eagles fan and I've never been to Miami so I'd like to travel there next. <-------my entire response, summarized.
To which he responded, lol:
"Well, as for me. besides an obvious facial and physical attraction, she needs to be intelligent, mentally and emotionally stable, a good listener, and a good heart. She needs to be educated, not neccessarily degree'd, but at least someone with a worldly outlook on life. She needs to be a relatively happy woman. One that is comfortable in her own skin, with her mentality, aswell as her emotions. She needs to be comfortable with her sexuality, as well as have a high drive and appetite. She needs to be giving. In laymens terms, a lady in the street and a slut in the bedroom. Perfection, lol. So, tell me, how do you compare to what I look for? "
Bwahahahaha! I bolded that last question, just because I thought it hilarious that he got right to it. You gotta admire a brotha who doesn't mince words. Haha, he may as well have just said "look, b*tch...are we f*ckin or NOT?" But, I humored him just cuz I ain't got shit else to do, and I replied that, though I didn't think he was looking for anything extraordinary, I did notice how he answered none of the questions that I'd asked him...but was VERY concerned with how I measured up to his standards...and asked if there was any particular reason why he was being so evasive if he was, in fact, as giving as he'd said he was. (SB: now keep in mind, I'm not being selfish by not posting my entire responses, only his. I'm just really long winded and this is already gonna be a long entry so I had to summarize mine.) At this point in the convo, I've asked him what team he coaches for, where he recommends I go in Miami, which hotel he works for, what his movie likes and dislikes are, AND if he's ever been to California? To which he replied:
*giggling @ how stupid men are*
""I have to ask though...What are you into sexually? I mean to say, what do you like to do and have done to you?, ie straight, oral (giving or recieving), anal, positions,etc...?How active are you presently? when was the lasttime?Ok, since I did go there, its only fair to answer as well. Well as far as me, I am into pleasing my partner.I mean its really about her being happy and satified, which includes climaxing as often as possible lolI am old school, if I can't eat it I don't want it. I love to go down on my woman, mmm mmm LOVE IT!!!!,well if I feel her like that.I am open to anything that doesn't involve invading holes in my body lol feel me?I like doggie, 69, being ridden is the best, especially flat footed, deeper penetration that way. I like my woman that likes sex and is very sensual. I also prefer a woman that understands the differences between the ways men and women view sex and love.That understands that if you have a man, not a dog mind you, but a man, that the more he has sex with you, that its actually a good thing. In a world where we as men are some what emotionally repressed, its one of the main ways we show emotion and love, through sexually pleasing our woman thereby getting approval and confidence that she is happy and into us.Most women miss this point,but in truth, if I love my woman, there isn't a moment of any day where I wouldn't rather be inside her, pleasing her than doing anything else.I had the one, but unfortunately for me, or us, she chose otherwise. I can be happy with the right one, and be thrilled if she is all I want, and thats not that hard...." -------------sorry, i had to cut it there because my insides are about to burst if I laugh any harder. I can't TAKE it!!
Wait, wha? What does ANY of that have to do with A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G?? Like, WHO ARE YOU?? Am I being punked??
It concludes with my reply [the only short one besides the first two]:
"Again, still no answers to the questions I've asked you, yet a lot of volunteered information that I did not ask for...which is a bad sign. Thanks, but no thanks.
Take care and good luck in your search for The One.
Goodbye."
Of course, immediately after that, he floods my inbox with a thousand answers to every question I asked, claiming he sent those answers in a second SEPARATE email and doesn't understand why I didn't get that separate email...
*side eye* followed immediately by *small eyes* and then a combination of *boo/hiss/boo!* while *rolling my eyes*. I can't take it. I just can't. All I can do is shake my head....And LMBAO!!
WHEW! I tell you, these guys make me wanna RUN and find a mentor for my son A.S.A.P.
Y'all stay tuned for the next episode where we meet *Brandon, the sensitive and chubby computer guy with a secret behind his smile...
*Name has been changed to protect the
Isayahism for today: 12/14/09
At Roy Rogers having dinner, Isayah ordered chicken strips. I'd brought my sub from Blimpie in to eat with him.
After I'd eaten my sub, I tried one of his chicken strips and it was so extra yummy, that i wanted to order one. Of course, the cashier informed me, they only sell them in 3's. for 3.79.
I reach into my pocket, but I only have 3 $1 bills on me, no change. Digging deep into my coat pocket, I discovered a HANDFUL of Laser Tag tokens and I pull them out to inspect.
Before i can even get in close to see if there's maybe a random quarter mixed in the bunch, he says
"Don't even think about it."
Me: *innocently* What?
"Do NOT take those laser tag tokens up to the register and embarrass me by trying to buy chicken with them."
Me: "hahahahaha! What? What are you talkin about?? I was just gonna--"
"No Mom! They have no cash value. NONE. You can't even buy sunflower seeds with them. the cashier won't take them. You're just gonna look CRAZY! just...Stop it. and Sit DOWN!"
Me: Sigh. *smh* Fine.
After I'd eaten my sub, I tried one of his chicken strips and it was so extra yummy, that i wanted to order one. Of course, the cashier informed me, they only sell them in 3's. for 3.79.
I reach into my pocket, but I only have 3 $1 bills on me, no change. Digging deep into my coat pocket, I discovered a HANDFUL of Laser Tag tokens and I pull them out to inspect.
Before i can even get in close to see if there's maybe a random quarter mixed in the bunch, he says
"Don't even think about it."
Me: *innocently* What?
"Do NOT take those laser tag tokens up to the register and embarrass me by trying to buy chicken with them."
Me: "hahahahaha! What? What are you talkin about?? I was just gonna--"
"No Mom! They have no cash value. NONE. You can't even buy sunflower seeds with them. the cashier won't take them. You're just gonna look CRAZY! just...Stop it. and Sit DOWN!"
Me: Sigh. *smh* Fine.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Isayahism for today
It's 4:30 and Isayah has just arrived for work today. He is late, and eating a bag of Lays Barbecue chips. I'm rushing him so my boss won't get annoyed, and in my attempts to say "stop eating,and go get to work!" I say "stop that, and go eat!" I correct myself, but minutes later he says "isn't 'ate' the past tense of 'eat'?" Yes. "So why'd you say hurry up and go eat" instead of "hurry up and ate?"
"Well first, I didn't mean to say eat or ate; i was rushing and misspoke. Secondly, commanding you to 'go eat' implies that i want you to do it now, not in the past, so while 'ate' is a proper use of the past tense, it is used inappropriately if in a present tense command."
"But now that I'm finished my chips, couldn't I tell you that I've 'already ate' so I don't need to hurry up and eat?"
"No, you'd have to say 'have eaten' or 'i've already eaten' which is the past participle."
"Touche', Mom. Touche'."
Score this round for the Mommy, lol. Jeah!
"Well first, I didn't mean to say eat or ate; i was rushing and misspoke. Secondly, commanding you to 'go eat' implies that i want you to do it now, not in the past, so while 'ate' is a proper use of the past tense, it is used inappropriately if in a present tense command."
"But now that I'm finished my chips, couldn't I tell you that I've 'already ate' so I don't need to hurry up and eat?"
"No, you'd have to say 'have eaten' or 'i've already eaten' which is the past participle."
"Touche', Mom. Touche'."
Score this round for the Mommy, lol. Jeah!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Quote of the day
Motivational Quote of the Day
"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
Isayahism for today 12.7.09
Isayah: Hey Ma, guess what I got for my birthday this weekend?
Me: hmmm...I dunno, what?
Isayah: GUESS!!
Me: Um, new clothes?
Isayah: Nope.
Me: Uh, a new bike?
Isayah: Nope.
Me: okaaay...ummm...*staring at his fresh shape up*....a hair...cut?
Isayah: *gas face*
Me: oh. ok. um, did you get some money?
Isayah: Nope. C'mon, you get 17 more guesses!
Me: Wait, wha? *super gas face* I give up.
Isayah: I got new shoes, Nike of course. I got Call of Duty, which is so vicious I wanna break out my xbox and play it right now IN THE CAR! I also got a fresh new Sidekick, with a new number, from my dad but he didn't give me the charger because the charger is in his car and his girlfriend K******* has the keys to his car at her house, but his car was left at his girlfriend J*****'s house...and he can't get to it right now...
Me: *Blink* *Blink* *super gas face with flared nostrils*
Happy Birthday, son.
Me: hmmm...I dunno, what?
Isayah: GUESS!!
Me: Um, new clothes?
Isayah: Nope.
Me: Uh, a new bike?
Isayah: Nope.
Me: okaaay...ummm...*staring at his fresh shape up*....a hair...cut?
Isayah: *gas face*
Me: oh. ok. um, did you get some money?
Isayah: Nope. C'mon, you get 17 more guesses!
Me: Wait, wha? *super gas face* I give up.
Isayah: I got new shoes, Nike of course. I got Call of Duty, which is so vicious I wanna break out my xbox and play it right now IN THE CAR! I also got a fresh new Sidekick, with a new number, from my dad but he didn't give me the charger because the charger is in his car and his girlfriend K******* has the keys to his car at her house, but his car was left at his girlfriend J*****'s house...and he can't get to it right now...
Me: *Blink* *Blink* *super gas face with flared nostrils*
Happy Birthday, son.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Word for the Day
Always Take The High Road
Pray for them which despitefully use you.
Luke 6:28 KJV
Don Shula, head coach of the Miami Dolphins American Football team, always held his players to 'the 24-hour rule.' He gave them 24 hours to celebrate victory or sulk over defeat, then put it behind them. What a great rule to live by!
When you're criticised it's human to want to retaliate, but when you take the time to try and understand people it's easier to forgive them. Many of the negative people in our lives just lack intimate relationships, so they keep others at arm's length, rarely share their feelings and are uncomfortable with those who do. It's easier for them to condemn than accept. Their hard and fast views make them inflexible. Often these people can't handle freedom; they need rules that limit their choices, and only feel secure within their own boundaries. Abraham Lincoln said, "If I tried to answer all the attacks made against me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the best I know how. If the end brings me out right, then what is said won't matter. If the end brings me out wrong, then ten angels declaring I was right would make no difference."
In dealing with others, always take the high road laid out by Jesus: "Pray for those who spitefully use you. To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either… just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise" (Luke 6:28-31 NKJV). Is that always easy to do? No, but it is always right!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wait...what Jesus?
When you're criticised it's human to want to retaliate, but when you take the time to try and understand people it's easier to forgive them. Many of the negative people in our lives just lack intimate relationships, so they keep others at arm's length, rarely share their feelings and are uncomfortable with those who do. It's easier for them to condemn than accept. Their hard and fast views make them inflexible. Often these people can't handle freedom; they need rules that limit their choices, and only feel secure within their own boundaries. Abraham Lincoln said, "If I tried to answer all the attacks made against me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the best I know how. If the end brings me out right, then what is said won't matter. If the end brings me out wrong, then ten angels declaring I was right would make no difference."
In dealing with others, always take the high road laid out by Jesus: "Pray for those who spitefully use you. To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either… just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise" (Luke 6:28-31 NKJV). Is that always easy to do? No, but it is always right!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wait...what Jesus?
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Hustling is hard work
Dude. I have no idea how illegal hustlers do it. I consider myself pretty normal, yet I do work alot. I have a very clear idea of what I want my life to look at and the moment I decided to work towards that, i took on a multitude of issues that I wasn't even aware of at the time. I don't think I've ever worked so hard in my life! Imagine what I'd feel like if I had this same drive and ambition but had decided to sell drugs or something else illegal?? Most days, I live in a fog of perpetual exhaustion, lol. Constantly tired and needing rest. What if I hustled this hard and on TOP of all this work, had to always keep looking over my shoulders making sure no one's trying to rob me, kill me, or snitch on me to the cops??? Dead.And.Gone. I wouldn't see nothing coming, lmao! I'd be so damn sleepy and paranoid, I'd make a horrible drug dealer/crime committer (is that a word?).
It is a constant shuffle of day job, makeup gigs, Isayah's activities, administrative tasks, squeezing in a meal every now and then, managing relationships and friendships, driving here and there, managing money and a home life, and making time for family. Oh, and time for myself.
Arrrrrrrgh!!
Thank goodness I got my dad's work ethic so I know how to work. And because I'm always hungry to fulfill my dreams, I'm willing do to almost anything to make sure that happens. Y'all know how I feel about choosing between career and family, lol...I refuse to do it. Therefore, I must do it all, and at the same time. Make no mistake about it, I'm over here looking REAL crazy some days...but it's just like anything else: once you start doing it, it becomes part of your lifestyle so you get used to it.
One of my childhood friends came to visit me for my birthday earlier this year, in February. She hadn't visited me before (we'd only spoken on the phone prior to) so she didn't really have a clear idea of what it meant for me when I told her that my life is "busy". Autumn is definitely my busiest time of year, for sure, but even in February, it's still pretty hectic. And I don't think she was prepared for it all, lol. I'm not laughing at her, just at the situation. I was very glad that she came, but it felt like maybe she wasn't able to keep up. She is one of those ppl who are used to everything being average or slowly paced, doesn't have a very wide margin for errors, hates to be late or for things to go not-as-planned. Now, most of you who know me know that I plan my life in advance; I'm already scheduled up to December 1st. Not just for makeup, but for my life. But, with a life so full, there's bound to be things that go awry: missed appointments, traffic, things being misplaced causing delays, whatever. Being that I'm used to it, I take those hits and I keep right on going; sometimes, I've already moved on from them so fast that I don't even notice they've happened. It's so easy to forget that everyone's not like that.
I'd almost forgotten what it was like for those who live a less than hectic life. I'm sorry. I just don't have the time (literally) to let things shut my whole day down. eeeeeevery now and then, maybe. when I'm so exhausted that I'm running on fumes, it happens. But, for the most part, when a mishap occurs, I have maybe a half hour to rebound before it's time to move on to something else.
My birthday party this year was very carefully planned out. The day of the party, also, was planned perfectly. the execution, however, left alot to be desired.
It began on a HORRIBLE note which created a hair problem...which eventually led to a "now there's no time for makeup" problem. I'd ordered my dress and it was to be delivered early that afternoon. it arrived at 12:02. Check. After that, the only thing left to do was spend the day searching for the perfect shoes. Now, i told her this well in advance. My exact words were "all I have to do is find some shoes for the dress, but it may take a while". We left my apt at 1. We went to every shoe store and mall between my house and DC. By 4pm, we were still empty handed, lol...but she was getting tired and irritable and wanted a nap. I was still going strong because, again, I'm used to long days and running until the job is done. The problem was my shoe size. I wear a size 10W which is very difficult to find; yes, i'd spent hours looking online but to no avail, so store shopping was my only option left. Finally, on the way home around 5:15 we swung by TJ Maxx and struck gold. JACKPOT! We found the perfect shoe, in my size! Dinner was to start at 8pm but it would take us at least 30 minutes to get there and get settled so the leave time was 7:30 of course.
Racing home from Potomac Yards at 5:30, she began to get very quiet. I think she was running out of steam and because it was so late, it was clear to her that there wouldn't be time for a nap. *it's important to note that i don't really remember what, exactly, a nap is. I VAGUELY remember the concept of a nap, but i definitely don't remember having taken one in a very very long time.*
(chuckling) I think it's hilarious how single people with no children still take naps, LOL. It's almost so delirious that it's hilarious.
Anyway, arriving at home at 6:00, I (not her but I) had to then tackle the mess of how to sew my own tracks in, get both my makeup and her makeup done, take a shower, get into the undergarments required for the dress, get into the damn dress itself, make sure all my stuff fit into the backup purse I had to pick out since the clutch I BOUGHT for the party turned up missing on the day of, get the cab here, get there, and get seated all by 8pm...no later than 8:15, or risk losing the reservation. Oh, and don't forget the camera.
Wait......*looking around*.....what?
Now, suffice it to say that I completely understand why any of you non-aquarians whose lives are not as chaotic as mine can say "you know what, alandria, you doin a lil too much right now". I do. Trust, i get it.
however, this is my life. it is always like this, packed to capacity, sometimes running late, but even when its on time, it's still crazy and hectic most days. I'm used to it. Her? Not so much.
The cab was almost 40 minutes late, she used Vaseline to moisturize (don't ask me cuz I have no clue) and (surprise surprise) vaseline bled thru her green dress so there was a huge grease stain on her shoulder and she wanted to wear a black blazer over it. It looked atrocious with the blazer so I asked that she skip it...but she was none to happy about it. lol. Finally, we left at about 8:20 after the cab finally arrived and i'd called ahead to change the reserv time to 9 instead. Oh, and yes, I remembered the camera...but the batteries died. (LMAO!!) So, in the car, we took pictures with her camera and my camera phone. When we arrived, impossibly enough, some of the party guests still weren't there so we had to wait to be seated. A few of them cancelled, or just didn't show up, so the guest list went from about 10...to 5. We got seated, ordered drinks and appetizers, and let the fun begin. At this point, she was only speaking maybe every 15 minutes but I was so thrilled that the night had finally started, I hardly had time to address it. Besides, it was my birthday party!
When the drinks came, the waiter placed her drink down first and, upon leaning over to place my drink, knocked her drink over....into her lap.
Sigh.then...PAUSE.
I know that had it been me, i would have been pissed. I probably would've laughed, then complained about how I have the worst luck in Creation. And probably not 10 minutes later, I'd have been over it and talkin about something else. But, AGAIN, that is just me because I'm used to "shit happens, move on". For her, bless her heart, her night was done. After quietly threatening to smack the hell outta the waiter--all his profuse apologies aside--and having her drink replaced for free, she shut down completely. Not another peep for the rest of the night. *Sad face.*
I felt bad because someone I cared about wasn't having a good time. But I also felt bad because she was making the choice to not have a good time, and for that reason, there was nothing I could do about it. She'd driven hours to come this party, the dress was already stained with both vaseline and alcohol, and we were incredibly late...all true. But, we're here now. The vaseline stain is virtually invisible because it's so dark in the restaurant, the alcohol will be dry by the time dinner is done and dancing starts, and you've already spent money on gas and food to be here to celebrate me turning 29 this year. You can't get any of it back so why not make the best of it? You can either choose to sit and stew, or choose to have a good time regardless because in about an hour, what happened an hour earlier won't even matter, lol.
But, she chose to sit and stew. Not a smile, not a word to anyone at the table, no dancing, nothing for the rest of the night. PPl were starting to give me weird questioning looks, but I chose to ignore them, lol. It had already been a not so great day, but I was choosing not to let anything else ruin it, even someone else's sour mood.
By the time the night ended around 2, I'd forgotten all about the activities of the previous day. all i knew was that I'd chosen to make beautiful an otherwise rotten day, and i'd done that. I had FUN!! It was hard work trying to squeeze everything in, and we missed a deadline or two, but i still had fun. And I was grateful to all my friends just for showing up in my honor, even those who probably preferred to be elsewhere doing something else, lol.
All my days are crazy like that, filled with unexpected twists and turns, sometimes working to the last minute of the day, stretching myself down to the wire. I get why others don't understand it, but I know that they don't have to. it makes perfect sense to me. Karen Alston, a fellow DC Sistagirl, said "good things come to those who hustle while they wait"...and i believe it's true. I'm just like anyone else, I'm waiting for my day to come...but while I'm waiting, I'ma squeeze in every single minute of work, love, laughter, camera time, vaseline and spilled drinks as is humanly possible without killing myself. :-)
There's always a chance to make today a beautiful day,
Beautiful Dae
It is a constant shuffle of day job, makeup gigs, Isayah's activities, administrative tasks, squeezing in a meal every now and then, managing relationships and friendships, driving here and there, managing money and a home life, and making time for family. Oh, and time for myself.
Arrrrrrrgh!!
Thank goodness I got my dad's work ethic so I know how to work. And because I'm always hungry to fulfill my dreams, I'm willing do to almost anything to make sure that happens. Y'all know how I feel about choosing between career and family, lol...I refuse to do it. Therefore, I must do it all, and at the same time. Make no mistake about it, I'm over here looking REAL crazy some days...but it's just like anything else: once you start doing it, it becomes part of your lifestyle so you get used to it.
One of my childhood friends came to visit me for my birthday earlier this year, in February. She hadn't visited me before (we'd only spoken on the phone prior to) so she didn't really have a clear idea of what it meant for me when I told her that my life is "busy". Autumn is definitely my busiest time of year, for sure, but even in February, it's still pretty hectic. And I don't think she was prepared for it all, lol. I'm not laughing at her, just at the situation. I was very glad that she came, but it felt like maybe she wasn't able to keep up. She is one of those ppl who are used to everything being average or slowly paced, doesn't have a very wide margin for errors, hates to be late or for things to go not-as-planned. Now, most of you who know me know that I plan my life in advance; I'm already scheduled up to December 1st. Not just for makeup, but for my life. But, with a life so full, there's bound to be things that go awry: missed appointments, traffic, things being misplaced causing delays, whatever. Being that I'm used to it, I take those hits and I keep right on going; sometimes, I've already moved on from them so fast that I don't even notice they've happened. It's so easy to forget that everyone's not like that.
I'd almost forgotten what it was like for those who live a less than hectic life. I'm sorry. I just don't have the time (literally) to let things shut my whole day down. eeeeeevery now and then, maybe. when I'm so exhausted that I'm running on fumes, it happens. But, for the most part, when a mishap occurs, I have maybe a half hour to rebound before it's time to move on to something else.
My birthday party this year was very carefully planned out. The day of the party, also, was planned perfectly. the execution, however, left alot to be desired.
It began on a HORRIBLE note which created a hair problem...which eventually led to a "now there's no time for makeup" problem. I'd ordered my dress and it was to be delivered early that afternoon. it arrived at 12:02. Check. After that, the only thing left to do was spend the day searching for the perfect shoes. Now, i told her this well in advance. My exact words were "all I have to do is find some shoes for the dress, but it may take a while". We left my apt at 1. We went to every shoe store and mall between my house and DC. By 4pm, we were still empty handed, lol...but she was getting tired and irritable and wanted a nap. I was still going strong because, again, I'm used to long days and running until the job is done. The problem was my shoe size. I wear a size 10W which is very difficult to find; yes, i'd spent hours looking online but to no avail, so store shopping was my only option left. Finally, on the way home around 5:15 we swung by TJ Maxx and struck gold. JACKPOT! We found the perfect shoe, in my size! Dinner was to start at 8pm but it would take us at least 30 minutes to get there and get settled so the leave time was 7:30 of course.
Racing home from Potomac Yards at 5:30, she began to get very quiet. I think she was running out of steam and because it was so late, it was clear to her that there wouldn't be time for a nap. *it's important to note that i don't really remember what, exactly, a nap is. I VAGUELY remember the concept of a nap, but i definitely don't remember having taken one in a very very long time.*
(chuckling) I think it's hilarious how single people with no children still take naps, LOL. It's almost so delirious that it's hilarious.
Anyway, arriving at home at 6:00, I (not her but I) had to then tackle the mess of how to sew my own tracks in, get both my makeup and her makeup done, take a shower, get into the undergarments required for the dress, get into the damn dress itself, make sure all my stuff fit into the backup purse I had to pick out since the clutch I BOUGHT for the party turned up missing on the day of, get the cab here, get there, and get seated all by 8pm...no later than 8:15, or risk losing the reservation. Oh, and don't forget the camera.
Wait......*looking around*.....what?
Now, suffice it to say that I completely understand why any of you non-aquarians whose lives are not as chaotic as mine can say "you know what, alandria, you doin a lil too much right now". I do. Trust, i get it.
however, this is my life. it is always like this, packed to capacity, sometimes running late, but even when its on time, it's still crazy and hectic most days. I'm used to it. Her? Not so much.
The cab was almost 40 minutes late, she used Vaseline to moisturize (don't ask me cuz I have no clue) and (surprise surprise) vaseline bled thru her green dress so there was a huge grease stain on her shoulder and she wanted to wear a black blazer over it. It looked atrocious with the blazer so I asked that she skip it...but she was none to happy about it. lol. Finally, we left at about 8:20 after the cab finally arrived and i'd called ahead to change the reserv time to 9 instead. Oh, and yes, I remembered the camera...but the batteries died. (LMAO!!) So, in the car, we took pictures with her camera and my camera phone. When we arrived, impossibly enough, some of the party guests still weren't there so we had to wait to be seated. A few of them cancelled, or just didn't show up, so the guest list went from about 10...to 5. We got seated, ordered drinks and appetizers, and let the fun begin. At this point, she was only speaking maybe every 15 minutes but I was so thrilled that the night had finally started, I hardly had time to address it. Besides, it was my birthday party!
When the drinks came, the waiter placed her drink down first and, upon leaning over to place my drink, knocked her drink over....into her lap.
Sigh.then...PAUSE.
I know that had it been me, i would have been pissed. I probably would've laughed, then complained about how I have the worst luck in Creation. And probably not 10 minutes later, I'd have been over it and talkin about something else. But, AGAIN, that is just me because I'm used to "shit happens, move on". For her, bless her heart, her night was done. After quietly threatening to smack the hell outta the waiter--all his profuse apologies aside--and having her drink replaced for free, she shut down completely. Not another peep for the rest of the night. *Sad face.*
I felt bad because someone I cared about wasn't having a good time. But I also felt bad because she was making the choice to not have a good time, and for that reason, there was nothing I could do about it. She'd driven hours to come this party, the dress was already stained with both vaseline and alcohol, and we were incredibly late...all true. But, we're here now. The vaseline stain is virtually invisible because it's so dark in the restaurant, the alcohol will be dry by the time dinner is done and dancing starts, and you've already spent money on gas and food to be here to celebrate me turning 29 this year. You can't get any of it back so why not make the best of it? You can either choose to sit and stew, or choose to have a good time regardless because in about an hour, what happened an hour earlier won't even matter, lol.
But, she chose to sit and stew. Not a smile, not a word to anyone at the table, no dancing, nothing for the rest of the night. PPl were starting to give me weird questioning looks, but I chose to ignore them, lol. It had already been a not so great day, but I was choosing not to let anything else ruin it, even someone else's sour mood.
By the time the night ended around 2, I'd forgotten all about the activities of the previous day. all i knew was that I'd chosen to make beautiful an otherwise rotten day, and i'd done that. I had FUN!! It was hard work trying to squeeze everything in, and we missed a deadline or two, but i still had fun. And I was grateful to all my friends just for showing up in my honor, even those who probably preferred to be elsewhere doing something else, lol.
All my days are crazy like that, filled with unexpected twists and turns, sometimes working to the last minute of the day, stretching myself down to the wire. I get why others don't understand it, but I know that they don't have to. it makes perfect sense to me. Karen Alston, a fellow DC Sistagirl, said "good things come to those who hustle while they wait"...and i believe it's true. I'm just like anyone else, I'm waiting for my day to come...but while I'm waiting, I'ma squeeze in every single minute of work, love, laughter, camera time, vaseline and spilled drinks as is humanly possible without killing myself. :-)
There's always a chance to make today a beautiful day,
Beautiful Dae
Confession: I'm a little confused about child support
When Isayah's father came back into his life after being gone for 3 years, I was a nervous wreck. I was TERRIFIED how Isayah would receive him, and if it came down to it, how he would handle his father's rejection. As most little boys do, he worships and adores his father. I didn't (and don't) want to be one of those bitter single mothers who intentionally (or subconsciously) downs or tries to otherwise ruin his image of his father because of bad blood between us. Understanding that the two relationships are completely and TOTALLY separate and unrelated, I WANT him to love his father unconditionally and have a great relationship with him. Isayah deserves that. Lord knows he will have ample opportunity to despise his father on his own merit in the years to come, so I'm trying to--in my own way--help to preserve the last bit of untainted innocence and love that's left.
Initially, I only wanted to establish custody for my own parental protection. In the past, his father has done some incredibly shady and grimy things so I wanted to be sure that this time around, most of them wouldn't be possible. I needed the Fairfax County law on my side. Custody is now in place and I sleep much easier at night knowing that Isayah is safely asleep in his room just down the hall, where he should be. So, when it came time to discuss the issue of child support, I can admit that I trusted him based SOLELY on my old relationship with him...not the lying selfish person that he is now. Yup. I went for the old bait and switch.
A little bit of background info....
A few years ago, I moved back home to Richmond after a failed attempt to move to New York to began an acting career. His father insisted that isayah stay with him or face dire consequences. So, he stayed. I visited him every weekend and, after a year, Isayah came to visit for the summer. When his father showed no interest in coming back for him, I settled him into our home in Richmond. Months later, he came down to visit under the guise of a "back-to-school" visit...and left with him. Just disappeared, changed his number, everything. Once I finally caught up with them around Thanksgiving, I learned that his father had had other children, and I finally got to see Isayah around Christmas time. Shortly thereafter, i decided to move to Los Angeles for acting, and Isayah stayed with his father because, at the time, it seemed more stable. He was incarcerated soon after but instead of contacting me to come home, he left isayah with his grandmother. I didn't find out until almost a year later, at which point I moved back home of course. Isayah stayed with his grandmother for about another year while I got on my feet; I visited with him every weekend during that year. He never saw his father, didn't even know where he was, and had been told that his father was on "vacation".
Our son was still living with his grandmother, so naturally, I assumed that he was giving money to her. I mean, his grandmother, a 70-something retired woman on a fixed income, was basically raising our child. Why wouldn't he if he could? There were times during his incarceration when we talked and he would complain to me about how much money he was having to spend on his then-girlfriend and their daughter's expenses. Once I spoke to his grandmother and discovered that he wasn't in fact giving her a DIME, I went ballistic!! Wait....WHAT? Of course she didn't know that he was paying any money to anyone because she thought he had no money (i know). And he fully expected it to be okay that he complain about giving money to others when he wasnt giving anything for OUR SON???
hahahaha! NOT.
i hopped my lil happy ass right on over to the dept of social services to get THAT paperwork started. Even if he WAS incarcerated at the time, if he could pay for one, he can pay for the other. Ain't nobody tell him to spread his baby-making around all over the country and make so many kids he couldn't take care of. I would have been more understanding if he just COULDN'T do it at the time. But he somehow found a way to get money to his girlfriend for their daughter...and a few (yes, i said a few) of his other kids...yet not for our son who lived with his grandmother on a fixed income? I'm sorry...has the title "BooBoo the Fool" been stamped on our foreheads without my knowing it? Psssht.I felt completely horrible for his grandmother, who had become like family to me. How dare he??
Fast forward to post-custody hearings and the end of the summer. It appears that differences have been settled and we're co-parenting just fine. When we discussed child support, he asked that I not file anything official but just ask him for whatever I needed and he would provide it. Again, yes, I went for it (laughs). Eventually, the letter for him to show up for a court appearance for child support came and he called me incensed that I hadn't cancelled it from earlier. I called all around to get the case dismissed--according to our agreement--and a social worker practically begged me to not to close it for him. She advised that he would go back on his word and not pay...but i didn't listen and had it closed.
I swear it wasn't even 2 days later when I asked him for money for something and not only did I not get it, but I didn't hear from him for days. Apparently, i DO have BooBoo the Fool stamped around here somewhere. So, I re-apply for child support but *ahem* basically what they say is "we told you not to but you did...so now you owe us $25 for being stupid and re-opening the case." At the time I didn't even have $25 so I had to wait. Meanwhile, I'm still fighting with him about this and that until one day, during a conversation he proceeds to tell me that he doesn't appreciate the way our son is "acting like a faggot" and that i "need to check lil shawty". Wait...did you just call my son a faggot? I'm sorry...i didn't even hear the rest of what you said cuz I'm still stuck on the word "FAGGOT". Unfortunately, Isayah was with me at the time and I didnt' want to repeat what his father had said aloud so I really couldn't address it...which was good because there really wasn't a need to address it. I was done with him. Forever.
*BLINK, BLINK*
Click. Dial tone. That was the very last conversation, the very last words I've ever spoken to him, and the last that I ever plan to speak to him without a lawyer and a judge present. I know that he's spoken to his father since then but I have not. Not for any reason, even to ask for money.
Now, my confession is this: I have no idea whether or not I should reapply for child support, for several reasons:
1. I'm prideful and refuse to ask him for anything, especially knowing that I won't get it.
2. I don't even want Isayah to be around him, knowing how he feels about him.
3. I'm basically raising him alone anyway so why even bother if I know he won't pay?
4. Is a guy who doesn't have a legal job required to pay child support since he has no traceable income?
The strong independent woman in me wants to ignore it and just do it alone. But, that woman also knows that I didn't make this child alone and that there are laws that help to make it so that I don't have to. I can admit that it burns me up that he apparently gets to choose which of his children he supports...but then again, I'm not in his pockets or his business so I don't know what he does for the rest of them. I just know that he doesn't do SH*T for this one, not even visit with him, and something about that is patently NOT RIGHT.
I'm even thinking about cancelling Isayah's cell phone, but only because I don't think his father should get to call him whenever he wants laughing and joking like shit is cool when it's not. He's not helping to pay the phone bill, why should he get to call and talk for hours? My maturity level can't get past how petty that is, though, so I know i won't do it.
This past weekend, Isayah had a big football game that I invited everyone to. Initially, his father was slated not to come but he came at the last minute anyway. At the end, after his team won, his father stood posing with Isayah for pictures, smiling and whatnot. I was happy for Isayah because I knew what it meant for him to spend those moments with his father, basking in the afterglow of a big football win. But on the inside, I wanted to crack those cameras into pieces. What was he even doing here? And wtf was he posing and smilign for, like he had anything to do with that glory of that moment? Did he take him to practice each night? Was he there to see the disappointment of the games that were lost? Was he standing out in the heat watching scrimmages, or in the rain during the first game, or was he the one there to see the season opener that they eventually lost? I don't believe so. I WAS there--even with the damn flu--and I didn't see him so I think it's safe to say that he wasn't there. However, I realized that the moment wasn't about me, it was about Isayah. And he was happy, lol. He was ROLLING around in happy and I wouldn't have snatched that from him for anything, not even my issues with his father. But I couldn't help thinking "wow, is that you over there posing with the boy you called a faggot? Really? Is that you?"
Just to be clear: I don't personally need the money. Not for ME. I work 3 jobs to take care of my family and even when I come up short, I always find a way to get what I need. My concern is that if he's not gonna do for him, then he should just leave him the f alone. period. why do you get to choose not to help take care of him when sh*t is rough, but still get to enjoy the good times, like winning football games and laughing and joking about x-box games? Why? Why should I do all the work, and you come in and snatch all the credit when the work is done? It is impossible to see the fairness in that. Not the fairness just to me, but to Isayah too. We work HARD to keep this family afloat. I'm not the only one to take credit for that. Isayah and I work together; we are a team. NO ONE should get to take credit for that except us. P.E.R.I.O.D. Sure, its fine and good to invite others to celebrate with us because as a family, it is a team effort. Even his grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, EVERYONE...they all help in their own way, the ways that we ask them to. But those that don't help, shouldn't be able to come in when it's party time and partake of the riches made off the backs of those who put in. They just shouldn't.
I didn't ask his father for anything Isayah doesn't deserve and I expect him to get all that he needs. His father has made it impossible for that to happen, clearly. So, even if it doesn't work, I'm going to apply for the child support. Even if I don't get a dollar, I'm going to apply. I'm not asking for back child support for any time before this year. That's only fair. And that's all I want, what's fair. We tried doing it his way, and it didn't work. So, now it's time to do things the Virginia Department of Social Services Division of Child Support Enforcement way.
Hmph.
Initially, I only wanted to establish custody for my own parental protection. In the past, his father has done some incredibly shady and grimy things so I wanted to be sure that this time around, most of them wouldn't be possible. I needed the Fairfax County law on my side. Custody is now in place and I sleep much easier at night knowing that Isayah is safely asleep in his room just down the hall, where he should be. So, when it came time to discuss the issue of child support, I can admit that I trusted him based SOLELY on my old relationship with him...not the lying selfish person that he is now. Yup. I went for the old bait and switch.
A little bit of background info....
A few years ago, I moved back home to Richmond after a failed attempt to move to New York to began an acting career. His father insisted that isayah stay with him or face dire consequences. So, he stayed. I visited him every weekend and, after a year, Isayah came to visit for the summer. When his father showed no interest in coming back for him, I settled him into our home in Richmond. Months later, he came down to visit under the guise of a "back-to-school" visit...and left with him. Just disappeared, changed his number, everything. Once I finally caught up with them around Thanksgiving, I learned that his father had had other children, and I finally got to see Isayah around Christmas time. Shortly thereafter, i decided to move to Los Angeles for acting, and Isayah stayed with his father because, at the time, it seemed more stable. He was incarcerated soon after but instead of contacting me to come home, he left isayah with his grandmother. I didn't find out until almost a year later, at which point I moved back home of course. Isayah stayed with his grandmother for about another year while I got on my feet; I visited with him every weekend during that year. He never saw his father, didn't even know where he was, and had been told that his father was on "vacation".
Our son was still living with his grandmother, so naturally, I assumed that he was giving money to her. I mean, his grandmother, a 70-something retired woman on a fixed income, was basically raising our child. Why wouldn't he if he could? There were times during his incarceration when we talked and he would complain to me about how much money he was having to spend on his then-girlfriend and their daughter's expenses. Once I spoke to his grandmother and discovered that he wasn't in fact giving her a DIME, I went ballistic!! Wait....WHAT? Of course she didn't know that he was paying any money to anyone because she thought he had no money (i know). And he fully expected it to be okay that he complain about giving money to others when he wasnt giving anything for OUR SON???
hahahaha! NOT.
i hopped my lil happy ass right on over to the dept of social services to get THAT paperwork started. Even if he WAS incarcerated at the time, if he could pay for one, he can pay for the other. Ain't nobody tell him to spread his baby-making around all over the country and make so many kids he couldn't take care of. I would have been more understanding if he just COULDN'T do it at the time. But he somehow found a way to get money to his girlfriend for their daughter...and a few (yes, i said a few) of his other kids...yet not for our son who lived with his grandmother on a fixed income? I'm sorry...has the title "BooBoo the Fool" been stamped on our foreheads without my knowing it? Psssht.I felt completely horrible for his grandmother, who had become like family to me. How dare he??
Fast forward to post-custody hearings and the end of the summer. It appears that differences have been settled and we're co-parenting just fine. When we discussed child support, he asked that I not file anything official but just ask him for whatever I needed and he would provide it. Again, yes, I went for it (laughs). Eventually, the letter for him to show up for a court appearance for child support came and he called me incensed that I hadn't cancelled it from earlier. I called all around to get the case dismissed--according to our agreement--and a social worker practically begged me to not to close it for him. She advised that he would go back on his word and not pay...but i didn't listen and had it closed.
I swear it wasn't even 2 days later when I asked him for money for something and not only did I not get it, but I didn't hear from him for days. Apparently, i DO have BooBoo the Fool stamped around here somewhere. So, I re-apply for child support but *ahem* basically what they say is "we told you not to but you did...so now you owe us $25 for being stupid and re-opening the case." At the time I didn't even have $25 so I had to wait. Meanwhile, I'm still fighting with him about this and that until one day, during a conversation he proceeds to tell me that he doesn't appreciate the way our son is "acting like a faggot" and that i "need to check lil shawty". Wait...did you just call my son a faggot? I'm sorry...i didn't even hear the rest of what you said cuz I'm still stuck on the word "FAGGOT". Unfortunately, Isayah was with me at the time and I didnt' want to repeat what his father had said aloud so I really couldn't address it...which was good because there really wasn't a need to address it. I was done with him. Forever.
*BLINK, BLINK*
Click. Dial tone. That was the very last conversation, the very last words I've ever spoken to him, and the last that I ever plan to speak to him without a lawyer and a judge present. I know that he's spoken to his father since then but I have not. Not for any reason, even to ask for money.
Now, my confession is this: I have no idea whether or not I should reapply for child support, for several reasons:
1. I'm prideful and refuse to ask him for anything, especially knowing that I won't get it.
2. I don't even want Isayah to be around him, knowing how he feels about him.
3. I'm basically raising him alone anyway so why even bother if I know he won't pay?
4. Is a guy who doesn't have a legal job required to pay child support since he has no traceable income?
The strong independent woman in me wants to ignore it and just do it alone. But, that woman also knows that I didn't make this child alone and that there are laws that help to make it so that I don't have to. I can admit that it burns me up that he apparently gets to choose which of his children he supports...but then again, I'm not in his pockets or his business so I don't know what he does for the rest of them. I just know that he doesn't do SH*T for this one, not even visit with him, and something about that is patently NOT RIGHT.
I'm even thinking about cancelling Isayah's cell phone, but only because I don't think his father should get to call him whenever he wants laughing and joking like shit is cool when it's not. He's not helping to pay the phone bill, why should he get to call and talk for hours? My maturity level can't get past how petty that is, though, so I know i won't do it.
This past weekend, Isayah had a big football game that I invited everyone to. Initially, his father was slated not to come but he came at the last minute anyway. At the end, after his team won, his father stood posing with Isayah for pictures, smiling and whatnot. I was happy for Isayah because I knew what it meant for him to spend those moments with his father, basking in the afterglow of a big football win. But on the inside, I wanted to crack those cameras into pieces. What was he even doing here? And wtf was he posing and smilign for, like he had anything to do with that glory of that moment? Did he take him to practice each night? Was he there to see the disappointment of the games that were lost? Was he standing out in the heat watching scrimmages, or in the rain during the first game, or was he the one there to see the season opener that they eventually lost? I don't believe so. I WAS there--even with the damn flu--and I didn't see him so I think it's safe to say that he wasn't there. However, I realized that the moment wasn't about me, it was about Isayah. And he was happy, lol. He was ROLLING around in happy and I wouldn't have snatched that from him for anything, not even my issues with his father. But I couldn't help thinking "wow, is that you over there posing with the boy you called a faggot? Really? Is that you?"
Just to be clear: I don't personally need the money. Not for ME. I work 3 jobs to take care of my family and even when I come up short, I always find a way to get what I need. My concern is that if he's not gonna do for him, then he should just leave him the f alone. period. why do you get to choose not to help take care of him when sh*t is rough, but still get to enjoy the good times, like winning football games and laughing and joking about x-box games? Why? Why should I do all the work, and you come in and snatch all the credit when the work is done? It is impossible to see the fairness in that. Not the fairness just to me, but to Isayah too. We work HARD to keep this family afloat. I'm not the only one to take credit for that. Isayah and I work together; we are a team. NO ONE should get to take credit for that except us. P.E.R.I.O.D. Sure, its fine and good to invite others to celebrate with us because as a family, it is a team effort. Even his grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, EVERYONE...they all help in their own way, the ways that we ask them to. But those that don't help, shouldn't be able to come in when it's party time and partake of the riches made off the backs of those who put in. They just shouldn't.
I didn't ask his father for anything Isayah doesn't deserve and I expect him to get all that he needs. His father has made it impossible for that to happen, clearly. So, even if it doesn't work, I'm going to apply for the child support. Even if I don't get a dollar, I'm going to apply. I'm not asking for back child support for any time before this year. That's only fair. And that's all I want, what's fair. We tried doing it his way, and it didn't work. So, now it's time to do things the Virginia Department of Social Services Division of Child Support Enforcement way.
Hmph.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Quote of the Day
Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long
enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody. -- Longfellow
enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody. -- Longfellow
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Confession: Maybe fame isn't all its cracked up to be. Pun intended.
"I love you! Have a good day, Ma."
Every morning when I send Isayah off to school, those are his last words to me. I have no idea what the day holds so, theoretically, on any given day, those could be his last words to me, PERIOD. Before two days ago, I took that for granted. Two years ago, being the kind of person/parent that enjoys that sort of thing gushy, maternal, Leave It to Beaver send-off..well, it annoyed me, to say the least. That mom who gets up and gets her child ready for school, "sees him off" with a kiss and a hug as she hands him his lunch bag and scoots him out to the busstop. Me? Never. No way. Lol. But once I became that person/parent who does it, it annoyed me. I secretly felt I wasn't cut out to be a good parent such as that. I aspired to be more, do more, see more than a domesticated life has to offer. Simply put, it was a chore that I much rather would've had someone else get up at the crack of dawn to do. I had WORK to do and did not have time to be Keisha Homemaker. Hmph. SOMEBODY had to work and get up these funds cuz it sure wasn't his other parent. And for 2 long years, someone did: his great grandmother. Her house was his place of residence, she was his primary caregiver. I visited him often, but I left to come home to my own empty apt at the end of the day.
Two days ago, after watching Whitney Houston's "revealing" interview on The Oprah Winfrey Show, I discovered a secret about myself. 1. I used to be INCREDIBLY selfish, and I actually don't like that idea like I thought I did. 2. I'm not half as grateful for my life as I should be. There's something about hearing someone else's testimony that has a way of helping u put ur life into better perspective. It also has a way of expanding ur sense of awareness about the world, and how u fit into it.
I've been a Whitney Houston fan since I was 5 years old. Hers ("Greatest Love of All") was the very FIRST favorite song I ever had. It was the song that made me aware of music and its power to invoke strong emotion in its listeners. Yes, I too was one of those little girls in cornrows tipped with colorful beads who wandered thru my mama's house, arms outstretched, feet twirling, eyes closed, screaming the lyrics into an old hairbrush, trying desperately to hold that last long ass note on "looooooooooooooooooo*voice fading*QUICK DEEP BREATH*ooooooooooooove" as Whitney (in the video) walked off stage to hug her mom in the wings. That song made me feel like if I could hold that last note like her, I could do anything. Shit, I WAS Whitney Houston when I was 5, and nobody "bet not" try to tell me differently. Hmph. Her voice and that song alone made me feel I could do ANYTHING, it moved me so much. Everywhere I went, I sang it. When people came over to the house, my dad let me sing it for his friends and relatives and they threw money at my feet. I LUUUBBED me some Whitney Houston and to me, she was IT.
Over the years, of course, I followed her music and her life, bought each and every album/cassette/CD, saw all her movies (true story. Waiting to Exhale was the very first movie My high school sweetheart and I went to see.I was 15. Bad move, but great movie.)I even bought her 2001 greatest hits double CD--the one with her on a ladder pulling all her gold records off the wall-- knowing full well it was just a collection of songs I already had. Bought it anyway, paid full price for it at the K-MART in Oxon Hill. And when someone stole it, I went and bought another one. Okay, u get it: I'm a fan.
I didn't see her Barbara Walters Interview where she proclaimed the wackness of crack. I conveniently forgot it was coming on. Ppl talked about it for MONTHS,but to this day I've still not seen it. And don't plan to. I think I was in denial about how rough her life may have been at the time, and was secretly terrified that she might become one of the world's great fallen music idols, gone too soon...lost to a life of hard drugs, hard love, and hard living. Not WHITNEY! Not MY WHITNEY!! I couldn't deal with it. It was just easier to ignore the writing on the walls.
During the interview, Whitney spoke of a time years ago when she wanted out. Out of the business, out of the lights, out of the life. She wanted to be able to get up in the morning, make Bobbi Christina breakfast, get her ready for school, kiss her cheek, hand her her backpack and lunch box, and scoot her outta the door with the words "I love you, have a good day, Ma" ringing in her ear. But, because she's Whitney, she wasn't able to do that. Something that the average woman on the grind trying to make it to the top--like myself--once took for granted as a trivial chore, Whitney--WHITNEY HOUSTON-- was dying to be able to do. But couldn't. It is astounding to think, in hindsight, of all things I take for granted, the peace I can indulge in on any given day based simply on my anonymity. And Ironically, I once envied celebrities their fame...not so much their fortunes because I don't hunger for money...but I do hunger for that limelight, I cannot lie, lol. I definitely like to get recognition. But the more and more I listen to celebrity stories, stories told by the real talents...not "fauxcialites" (Paris, Kim, any reality tv star)...the more I'm convinced that fame is not for me. Not Rihanna/Beyonce/Lindsay/MJJ, paparazzi hounding, can't walk into Target and buy panties kinda fame. I kinda like that I can hang out in Starbucks and blog while enjoying a strawberries and cream frappacino. I love that when I'm between paychecks and can't afford to buy new hair, I can just throw on a cap and tuck my hair up into it without it being blasted all over the blogosphere within minutes of my departure from my apt. Two summers ago, I lost someone very special to me. I heard that I was that ignorant black person at her funeral, but I don't recall because I blacked it out. And I love that I was able to do that in peace; to grieve the loss of a loved one in complete and total solitude without worrying about having to wear dark shades and keep it together gracefully when I really wanted to scream at God for taking away what felt like my lifeblood. Can you imagine? I truly took those things for granted. Hmmmm....Maybe I should be more careful what I ask for. Perhaps I havent' become famous yet for a reason. Am I really willing to subject myself and Isayah to that type of scrutiny? Live under such a microscope? Hmmm...it's definitely worth rethinking.
This morning, Isayah tried to hit me with the "Aight Ma, I'm gone. See ya later..." My head whipped around like Medusa and I said "Uhhh, I'm sorry, WHAT??" Mumbling a quick "oh, sorry, lol" he darted over to tell me he loved me, to have a great thursday, and kiss my freshly washed cheek. Hmph! I don't know who he thought we were for a second, but he better know that since we CAN do that, we will.
Beautiful and Loved,
Beautiful Day
Every morning when I send Isayah off to school, those are his last words to me. I have no idea what the day holds so, theoretically, on any given day, those could be his last words to me, PERIOD. Before two days ago, I took that for granted. Two years ago, being the kind of person/parent that enjoys that sort of thing gushy, maternal, Leave It to Beaver send-off..well, it annoyed me, to say the least. That mom who gets up and gets her child ready for school, "sees him off" with a kiss and a hug as she hands him his lunch bag and scoots him out to the busstop. Me? Never. No way. Lol. But once I became that person/parent who does it, it annoyed me. I secretly felt I wasn't cut out to be a good parent such as that. I aspired to be more, do more, see more than a domesticated life has to offer. Simply put, it was a chore that I much rather would've had someone else get up at the crack of dawn to do. I had WORK to do and did not have time to be Keisha Homemaker. Hmph. SOMEBODY had to work and get up these funds cuz it sure wasn't his other parent. And for 2 long years, someone did: his great grandmother. Her house was his place of residence, she was his primary caregiver. I visited him often, but I left to come home to my own empty apt at the end of the day.
Two days ago, after watching Whitney Houston's "revealing" interview on The Oprah Winfrey Show, I discovered a secret about myself. 1. I used to be INCREDIBLY selfish, and I actually don't like that idea like I thought I did. 2. I'm not half as grateful for my life as I should be. There's something about hearing someone else's testimony that has a way of helping u put ur life into better perspective. It also has a way of expanding ur sense of awareness about the world, and how u fit into it.
I've been a Whitney Houston fan since I was 5 years old. Hers ("Greatest Love of All") was the very FIRST favorite song I ever had. It was the song that made me aware of music and its power to invoke strong emotion in its listeners. Yes, I too was one of those little girls in cornrows tipped with colorful beads who wandered thru my mama's house, arms outstretched, feet twirling, eyes closed, screaming the lyrics into an old hairbrush, trying desperately to hold that last long ass note on "looooooooooooooooooo*voice fading*QUICK DEEP BREATH*ooooooooooooove" as Whitney (in the video) walked off stage to hug her mom in the wings. That song made me feel like if I could hold that last note like her, I could do anything. Shit, I WAS Whitney Houston when I was 5, and nobody "bet not" try to tell me differently. Hmph. Her voice and that song alone made me feel I could do ANYTHING, it moved me so much. Everywhere I went, I sang it. When people came over to the house, my dad let me sing it for his friends and relatives and they threw money at my feet. I LUUUBBED me some Whitney Houston and to me, she was IT.
Over the years, of course, I followed her music and her life, bought each and every album/cassette/CD, saw all her movies (true story. Waiting to Exhale was the very first movie My high school sweetheart and I went to see.I was 15. Bad move, but great movie.)I even bought her 2001 greatest hits double CD--the one with her on a ladder pulling all her gold records off the wall-- knowing full well it was just a collection of songs I already had. Bought it anyway, paid full price for it at the K-MART in Oxon Hill. And when someone stole it, I went and bought another one. Okay, u get it: I'm a fan.
I didn't see her Barbara Walters Interview where she proclaimed the wackness of crack. I conveniently forgot it was coming on. Ppl talked about it for MONTHS,but to this day I've still not seen it. And don't plan to. I think I was in denial about how rough her life may have been at the time, and was secretly terrified that she might become one of the world's great fallen music idols, gone too soon...lost to a life of hard drugs, hard love, and hard living. Not WHITNEY! Not MY WHITNEY!! I couldn't deal with it. It was just easier to ignore the writing on the walls.
During the interview, Whitney spoke of a time years ago when she wanted out. Out of the business, out of the lights, out of the life. She wanted to be able to get up in the morning, make Bobbi Christina breakfast, get her ready for school, kiss her cheek, hand her her backpack and lunch box, and scoot her outta the door with the words "I love you, have a good day, Ma" ringing in her ear. But, because she's Whitney, she wasn't able to do that. Something that the average woman on the grind trying to make it to the top--like myself--once took for granted as a trivial chore, Whitney--WHITNEY HOUSTON-- was dying to be able to do. But couldn't. It is astounding to think, in hindsight, of all things I take for granted, the peace I can indulge in on any given day based simply on my anonymity. And Ironically, I once envied celebrities their fame...not so much their fortunes because I don't hunger for money...but I do hunger for that limelight, I cannot lie, lol. I definitely like to get recognition. But the more and more I listen to celebrity stories, stories told by the real talents...not "fauxcialites" (Paris, Kim, any reality tv star)...the more I'm convinced that fame is not for me. Not Rihanna/Beyonce/Lindsay/MJJ, paparazzi hounding, can't walk into Target and buy panties kinda fame. I kinda like that I can hang out in Starbucks and blog while enjoying a strawberries and cream frappacino. I love that when I'm between paychecks and can't afford to buy new hair, I can just throw on a cap and tuck my hair up into it without it being blasted all over the blogosphere within minutes of my departure from my apt. Two summers ago, I lost someone very special to me. I heard that I was that ignorant black person at her funeral, but I don't recall because I blacked it out. And I love that I was able to do that in peace; to grieve the loss of a loved one in complete and total solitude without worrying about having to wear dark shades and keep it together gracefully when I really wanted to scream at God for taking away what felt like my lifeblood. Can you imagine? I truly took those things for granted. Hmmmm....Maybe I should be more careful what I ask for. Perhaps I havent' become famous yet for a reason. Am I really willing to subject myself and Isayah to that type of scrutiny? Live under such a microscope? Hmmm...it's definitely worth rethinking.
This morning, Isayah tried to hit me with the "Aight Ma, I'm gone. See ya later..." My head whipped around like Medusa and I said "Uhhh, I'm sorry, WHAT??" Mumbling a quick "oh, sorry, lol" he darted over to tell me he loved me, to have a great thursday, and kiss my freshly washed cheek. Hmph! I don't know who he thought we were for a second, but he better know that since we CAN do that, we will.
Beautiful and Loved,
Beautiful Day
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Guess who's going to VEGAAAAASSSSSSSS??!
Thaaats right, lovies! Ya girl is headed off to the city of S-I-N on October 23rd for the premier and exciting launch of "Makeup Artists: The Who's Who in the Industry"!!! Can you say BOOSTED!? I CAN! I'm superboosted, supergeeked, and completely and totally proud of myself that I was able to put together a plan to get there. I swear, I got in by the skin of my damn teeth, but...I'm in. Can you believe it?!And y'all KNOW I have my hair and makeup allll picked out already, lol! Old Hollywood Glamour is the theme of the event so you know what that means, right? Soft waves, maybe some pin curls, a flower behind one ear, charcoal smokey eyes, and the must have-must die for-super sultry red lips. *shivering* That weekend cannot get here fast enough, I tell ya.
Forget that I'm going to be featured in a book--my first ever, btw. Forget that it'll be my first time in Vegas, staying at the Bellagio. FORGET that the entire event will be on ET and Access Hollywood AND that the footage from the filming of it is gonna be the pilot episode for a TV show in the works where I might also be featured as part of the International Makeup Artist contest. Fuhgeddaboudit! I'm just stoked about the chance to be in that energy, surrounded by like-minded individuals, dressed to the nines and glammed to the hills, lol. And the cherry on the top is that I am sharing it with one of my favorite people in the entire world, my mentor and personal Guru Ms. McLean.
Not only is the event for a wonderful cause, but it's just sooo....ME! Its how I'd live my life everyday if I could. I'm excited about the book tour, about the book itself which is gonna be fab, about being featured. Everything. Just....everything, lol. Linda is such a doll, love her energy, her passion and enthusiasm for this project, and her vision for us in this tough industry. She made me an offer I couldn't refuse...and it may turn out to be my career's biggest blessing to date.
and to think, I almost missed it. I almost chose to not believe in myself enough to put in the extra effort. Just sad. Shame on you, Chica!
Okay, I'm off to get back to work but I just wanted to update you guys on the progress and share my good news.
*doing the Beyonce dance!*
I'm going to Vaaaygus, I'm goin ta Vaaayyyguss! Jeah!
Head to the skies, eyes on the prizes Lovies!
Beautiful
Monday, September 14, 2009
Confession: I love Labor Day
So, it’s the start of another fall. Another school year, another favorite season, another hectic football schedule. I’ve been thinking, though. Does it have to be so hectic? A lot has happened (and not happened) since last year. This year, I have a year of single parenthood under my belt. This year, Isayah's dad is home—though he’s not proving as helpful as we’d hoped. This year, I am closer to closure with my ex than I was this time LAST year. This year, I’m not quite so panicked about raising isayah alone. This year, though there’s a new school in the mix, I’m a bit more prepared for what to expect and how to handle it. This year, I know to pick my battles. This year, I have a job; THREE JOBS actually, lol. My makeup career (if you could call it that) is beginning to take off. I just signed on to be be part of a really great project in makeup, one that will be great for me, my career, and for its charity organization. This year, this moment actually, I feel as empowered as I’ve ever wanted to actually be. I feel I have passed that proverbial “crossroads” moment. I chose a path. There’s no going back from here on out. I know what I want, I know where I want to go, I know what I stand for. I stand for honesty, integrity, love, family, and justice. I believe in those things, even though some of them evade my grasp just now. They are still things I want and need in my life, and I know now that I’m not willing to settle for just any old thing in my quest for purpose fulfillment.
Last night, on brothers and sisters, nora said something—a quote—that really stuck with me. And I’ve been thinking about it all day.
“you can’t sit on your hands so other people will feel better about themselves. You won’t do anyone any good by pretending to be less than what you are.”
I think it’s pretty self-explanatory, but what it means for me is this: I don’t owe anyone else my greatness. No one has worked harder, prayed harder, or sacrificed more for my own greatness than I have. So, when the time comes that I may consider being in a relationship, taking a better job, living a better life, enjoying the fruits of my labor, or having the relationship with my son that I want…I’m not gonna dumb anything down, short change myself, or sit on my hands and wait for validation from ANYONE.
No.one.com
Not being with my ex for the reason that we finally broke up this last time (and yes, I know ive said that at LEAST 225 times, but this time really is the last time. And I’m okay with it now.) made it so clear to me. It was like the light bulb finally came on. That relationship was so wrong for me, but for (what are only now becoming) obvious reasons. It didn’t encourage me to be my best; it encouraged me to rely on someone else so that he could be HIS best…which dimmed my own strength and abilities. I AM smart, and strong, and capable, and I should not have to dumb anything down to get ahead. there are definitely times when I need help, but it shouldn't be that I'm always helpless so u can feel needed. That may work and be perfectly fine for someone else…but not for me. But in so many ways, that dynamic failed so much because I refused to dumb it down. I can't lie: it got reeeeal easy to be helpless after I got the hang of it. Having a safety net has a way of spoiling a girl rotten. And that is sad, and really unfortunate. And God/the Universe kept trying to get me to see that….but I was blinded by my own need for the last word. And I totally missed the boat on that one, lol. Gosh! How stupid it all feels now!! I’m almost shocked I’m still alive, lol. Its like wait…what? Did I really fight so hard for that all this time? Did I really? Was I really FIGHTING so hard to be part of something that actually DIDN’T validate or exalt me at ALL?? Something that asked of me to continuously boost someone else’s ego, their strength, their LIFE…under the guise of showing love and support…and each time I wasn’t able to do it successfully (and I shouldn’t have), I shouldered the guilt, took the blame, everything. How come I am JUST now seeing this???????????? Its almost laughable! In fact, it IS laughable. *chuckling*
Though I feel like im in denial saying so, now it is so clear that it really wasn’t me this whole time…it was him. It was never about me, or loving me, or needing me, or any of that. He needed someone to sit under his ego and be a jack, pushing it further and further up until it was impossible to see him anymore. All these years I refused to do that, but once I finally started, it was the beginning of the end. Jeez. Good job, BD. Oh well, now I know better than to do THAT again. I’m so glad this happened. I was in SUCH a huge rush to be in a relationship. But, it is avoiding me like the plague, lol. And thank goodness. I really do need this time to align all my thoughts with my actions. I’m so glad I didn’t rush into anything, especially with Derrick. I was so prepared to be his everything, not challenging him to give me all that I deserve. Hmph. Who did I think I was, settling like that? Definitely not my most shining moments, lol. Consider it a lesson learned. nobody else. Even if it feels sucky, I won’t continue to let these bitch ass niggas take me for a ride and sell me a damn dream. I know what I work for, I know what I’m worth, I know what I deserve…and it’s not bullshit.
I’m a good person, I’m a good girlfriend, I’m a good friend. I’m not perfect, but I do my best. And that’s good enough for me.
Its gonna be a good season :-)
Confession: I Need Some New Friends
I would dearly love some friends like me. I can safely safe I'm good on having friends with whom I have nothing in common; I don't need anymore for the moment. What would be great is a group of like-minded women with similar situations. I can't be the only creative artist who's single and has a child with an itty bitty support system, can I? Impossible. There have to be others like me. Where are they?
I've heard it said that it becomes increasingly more difficult to make new friends as u get older. Unfortunately, I don't believe this so I'm always on the lookout for new friend opportunities. I've always been like that, meeting ppl everywhere, conversing with random strangers in the weirdest places. Unfortunately, the pool of randoms get wider yet weirder as I age...so I have to be more careful these days.
Trust, I know what it is to be tired. EXHAUSTED. I know with crystal clarity what it is to not trust anyone enough to get close to them. And I also know what its like to be lonely. But I know it can't just be me that wants to have friends despite all those things. So, keeping with the theory that its impossible for me to be the lone wolf in this group of singlemotherdom, where errybody else at? My apt isn't the Grand Hyatt, but where are my fellow single moms who wanna bring the kids over for movie night? Or who have a recommendation for a GREAT babysitter in this recession? And where are all those still-young-at-heart moms who still have sleepovers?? Am I the ONLY one for real?? I mean, seriously.
A few weeks ago, I told a friend of mine (single no kids) that I've been dying to have a sleepover. I asked if I invited her, would she come? Basically, she said "I'd stop by but I wouldn't stay". While I respect her answer, I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me that I want to. Granted, I know its DC and the women here are TERRIBLY standoffish...but its not like I'm a serial kidnapper! I'm just as concerned and cautious as the next person with or without kids. I want to protect myself from crazy ppl and still find a way to have a good time. Whatever happened to house parties?! Are they only for college students, and adults who already know one another? How do single parents meet ppl nowadays?
Being a single parent means that, unless u have a live in nanny, a grandparent closeby, or a BOMB ASS on-call babysitter, u don't have much of a non-child social life. I barely drink, I don't smoke or do any kind of drugs, I don't go to clubs so guys can grind my pelvis to dust, and I DON'T have a bomb ass sitter. So, most of my time is spent at home, or at kid-friendly events. But now that school's back in, there is very little opportunity for spontaneity in my social life. I don't have the freedom to just throw in a happy hour during the week, or go hear live music after work on Fridays, or even take an early Saturday morning gym class. Between work, school, football, and makeup...most of my time is accounted for during the week. BUT, other single moms like me who do a lot (and let's face it, if we're surviving...we do a lot) MUST want to hang out SOMETIMES...mustn't they? Of course we can't all get together and go party all night...who can afford those sitter fees, and who has THAT type of energy? But if there were a few of us, someone different could host each weekend, or on Tuesdays or Thursdays when there's no football practice. Doesn't have to be a sleepover; it could be anything: movies, games, music, shoooot we could do a clothing/accessories/makeup swap if we have stuff to trade or give away. Throw in some food, some x-box games, or a movie and the kids are set, busy for the rest of the night. *Disclaimer: if u got bad ass kids then u are cordially UNinvited. Chances r u don't think ur child falls into this category...but let's keep it real. You are NOT stupid. Or blind. If you've left ur child with a sitter, family mbr or friend for more than an hour or two and upon ur return, ur sitter had no problem telling u that he/she almost jabbed the hell outta ur child...twice...then ur probably not invited to movie or game night. Your child is NOT gonna ruin it for everyone. Cuz I WILL punch a lil kid in the face. Hmph.
Idk, maybe I just come from a different time when stuff like that happened on the regular. Not in MY house of course, but everywhere else I went as a child. Aunts, uncle, grandparents, friends, everywhere. If u got kids, bring'em on, they can play in the kids' room while the adults chill out here with red dixie cups and a deck of cards. Lol, or was that just my ppls that did that?
I know one thing, I'm officially out of resources to keep making myself available to go to "single/married with no kids" functions. I get tired --so tired-- of having to scramble and find a sitter to do things cuz none of my friends have children so they don't really understand how flexible I simply can't be. And they keep wanting to do things that require me to be away from Isayah for hours at a time. And I'm on my last leg with that.
Its completely true, u shouldn't have children until ur ready. But for those of us who didn't listen, didn't pawn our children off on family members, or now find ourselves primary shareholders (read: custodial parents) for whatever reason, what's done is done. They're here now. And there must be some sort of balance for us. I'm a firm believer in group activities and I'm always quick to try to start an uprising, or a revolution.
Crazy people have made it extremely difficult to get ppl to reach out cuz now nobody trusts anybody anymore. And I get that. But if any of u know me, u know I like to just bust in, kick doors down, and get shit popping, lol. I'm tryna go everywhere, meet everybody, get everybody together, and build our network. I mean in church, at schools, on the football field, at the Rec Center, at the gyms, in the GROCERY STORE. Anywhere I might find a single mom who is social just like me, but also limited in their time and has to plan things the way I do....that one who gave up on "playing it by ear" long ago cuz she realized that yes, she NEEDS to plan her life that far in advance if she wants to get things done....that's who I want to meet.
Even those who aren't as anal about planning as I have to be, lol, can join our group too. I figure there's groups for motorcycles, prayer, atheists, softball, kickball (which I'm determined to find too), flag and co-ed football, knitting, bowling, sewing, swing dancing, hand dancing, casual sex, no sex, too much sex, bisexual, trisexual, asexual, hetero and homosexual...but there's not a group for me and my kind. Not here in alexandria, not that I know of. I just don't fit into my group of friends anymore. I'm single, and while I could have easily married my last boyfriend once I got ready, I'm in no big rush to marry.So that excludes me from that "single and looking" group.
I'm working, but I don't have extensive degrees or levels of education nor am I making bank like some are. I just don't have it yet. I will but right now, I don't. So that kicks me out of that group that sits around and compares designer bags shoes and clothes to pass the time. Retail therapy is not on my priority list.
While I love to dance the night away as much as the next girl, I'm not a club head or a party girl. You won't ever catch me in a club or a lounge more than once a week. Never. Won't catch me posted up, holding up the wall observing those around me more than--actually, I don't do that anymore so nevermind. Standing around looking cute nursing a drink is not my forte. It works for some girls; it annoys me. So, I'm out of the party girl group too. I'm not available for happy hours during the week. I could try it, but it'd require me to live SOOOO Trife, I couldn't live with the guilt. So, that leaves me in my little neck of the woods, all by myself, waiting for somebody to reach out. When I reach out, most times ppl think I'm weird and they either don't respond or they respond and don't follow thru.
Sigh.
What's a girl to do?
Am I gonna have to start the revolution myself? Hmmmmm...its worth looking into. I just can't believe that its just me who feels this way! I know ppl r busy, but they gon make time for me dammit! Lmao!
I'ma do some digging around and let y'all know what I come up with....
I've heard it said that it becomes increasingly more difficult to make new friends as u get older. Unfortunately, I don't believe this so I'm always on the lookout for new friend opportunities. I've always been like that, meeting ppl everywhere, conversing with random strangers in the weirdest places. Unfortunately, the pool of randoms get wider yet weirder as I age...so I have to be more careful these days.
Trust, I know what it is to be tired. EXHAUSTED. I know with crystal clarity what it is to not trust anyone enough to get close to them. And I also know what its like to be lonely. But I know it can't just be me that wants to have friends despite all those things. So, keeping with the theory that its impossible for me to be the lone wolf in this group of singlemotherdom, where errybody else at? My apt isn't the Grand Hyatt, but where are my fellow single moms who wanna bring the kids over for movie night? Or who have a recommendation for a GREAT babysitter in this recession? And where are all those still-young-at-heart moms who still have sleepovers?? Am I the ONLY one for real?? I mean, seriously.
A few weeks ago, I told a friend of mine (single no kids) that I've been dying to have a sleepover. I asked if I invited her, would she come? Basically, she said "I'd stop by but I wouldn't stay". While I respect her answer, I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me that I want to. Granted, I know its DC and the women here are TERRIBLY standoffish...but its not like I'm a serial kidnapper! I'm just as concerned and cautious as the next person with or without kids. I want to protect myself from crazy ppl and still find a way to have a good time. Whatever happened to house parties?! Are they only for college students, and adults who already know one another? How do single parents meet ppl nowadays?
Being a single parent means that, unless u have a live in nanny, a grandparent closeby, or a BOMB ASS on-call babysitter, u don't have much of a non-child social life. I barely drink, I don't smoke or do any kind of drugs, I don't go to clubs so guys can grind my pelvis to dust, and I DON'T have a bomb ass sitter. So, most of my time is spent at home, or at kid-friendly events. But now that school's back in, there is very little opportunity for spontaneity in my social life. I don't have the freedom to just throw in a happy hour during the week, or go hear live music after work on Fridays, or even take an early Saturday morning gym class. Between work, school, football, and makeup...most of my time is accounted for during the week. BUT, other single moms like me who do a lot (and let's face it, if we're surviving...we do a lot) MUST want to hang out SOMETIMES...mustn't they? Of course we can't all get together and go party all night...who can afford those sitter fees, and who has THAT type of energy? But if there were a few of us, someone different could host each weekend, or on Tuesdays or Thursdays when there's no football practice. Doesn't have to be a sleepover; it could be anything: movies, games, music, shoooot we could do a clothing/accessories/makeup swap if we have stuff to trade or give away. Throw in some food, some x-box games, or a movie and the kids are set, busy for the rest of the night. *Disclaimer: if u got bad ass kids then u are cordially UNinvited. Chances r u don't think ur child falls into this category...but let's keep it real. You are NOT stupid. Or blind. If you've left ur child with a sitter, family mbr or friend for more than an hour or two and upon ur return, ur sitter had no problem telling u that he/she almost jabbed the hell outta ur child...twice...then ur probably not invited to movie or game night. Your child is NOT gonna ruin it for everyone. Cuz I WILL punch a lil kid in the face. Hmph.
Idk, maybe I just come from a different time when stuff like that happened on the regular. Not in MY house of course, but everywhere else I went as a child. Aunts, uncle, grandparents, friends, everywhere. If u got kids, bring'em on, they can play in the kids' room while the adults chill out here with red dixie cups and a deck of cards. Lol, or was that just my ppls that did that?
I know one thing, I'm officially out of resources to keep making myself available to go to "single/married with no kids" functions. I get tired --so tired-- of having to scramble and find a sitter to do things cuz none of my friends have children so they don't really understand how flexible I simply can't be. And they keep wanting to do things that require me to be away from Isayah for hours at a time. And I'm on my last leg with that.
Its completely true, u shouldn't have children until ur ready. But for those of us who didn't listen, didn't pawn our children off on family members, or now find ourselves primary shareholders (read: custodial parents) for whatever reason, what's done is done. They're here now. And there must be some sort of balance for us. I'm a firm believer in group activities and I'm always quick to try to start an uprising, or a revolution.
Crazy people have made it extremely difficult to get ppl to reach out cuz now nobody trusts anybody anymore. And I get that. But if any of u know me, u know I like to just bust in, kick doors down, and get shit popping, lol. I'm tryna go everywhere, meet everybody, get everybody together, and build our network. I mean in church, at schools, on the football field, at the Rec Center, at the gyms, in the GROCERY STORE. Anywhere I might find a single mom who is social just like me, but also limited in their time and has to plan things the way I do....that one who gave up on "playing it by ear" long ago cuz she realized that yes, she NEEDS to plan her life that far in advance if she wants to get things done....that's who I want to meet.
Even those who aren't as anal about planning as I have to be, lol, can join our group too. I figure there's groups for motorcycles, prayer, atheists, softball, kickball (which I'm determined to find too), flag and co-ed football, knitting, bowling, sewing, swing dancing, hand dancing, casual sex, no sex, too much sex, bisexual, trisexual, asexual, hetero and homosexual...but there's not a group for me and my kind. Not here in alexandria, not that I know of. I just don't fit into my group of friends anymore. I'm single, and while I could have easily married my last boyfriend once I got ready, I'm in no big rush to marry.So that excludes me from that "single and looking" group.
I'm working, but I don't have extensive degrees or levels of education nor am I making bank like some are. I just don't have it yet. I will but right now, I don't. So that kicks me out of that group that sits around and compares designer bags shoes and clothes to pass the time. Retail therapy is not on my priority list.
While I love to dance the night away as much as the next girl, I'm not a club head or a party girl. You won't ever catch me in a club or a lounge more than once a week. Never. Won't catch me posted up, holding up the wall observing those around me more than--actually, I don't do that anymore so nevermind. Standing around looking cute nursing a drink is not my forte. It works for some girls; it annoys me. So, I'm out of the party girl group too. I'm not available for happy hours during the week. I could try it, but it'd require me to live SOOOO Trife, I couldn't live with the guilt. So, that leaves me in my little neck of the woods, all by myself, waiting for somebody to reach out. When I reach out, most times ppl think I'm weird and they either don't respond or they respond and don't follow thru.
Sigh.
What's a girl to do?
Am I gonna have to start the revolution myself? Hmmmmm...its worth looking into. I just can't believe that its just me who feels this way! I know ppl r busy, but they gon make time for me dammit! Lmao!
I'ma do some digging around and let y'all know what I come up with....
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Upcoming Wedding
Really excited about a wedding Im working on Friday. Its at a Catholic Church in DC. I met the bride, she's totally awesome, and she's one of my new favorites because she loves her dramatic makeup. I'm doing hair and makeup for her. She was really really excited about her look during her trial so that always gives me a rush, lol. Her wedding is Friday at 4.
I'm so glad I am over and done with having the flu. It's the pits :-(. I have been REALLY lax with taking my camera with me to my trials so i PROMISE I will take my camera with me to the wedding (and my next trial).
I'll post the pictures (that i take on friday) here on Saturday....the pro photogs take FOREVER!
I'm so glad I am over and done with having the flu. It's the pits :-(. I have been REALLY lax with taking my camera with me to my trials so i PROMISE I will take my camera with me to the wedding (and my next trial).
I'll post the pictures (that i take on friday) here on Saturday....the pro photogs take FOREVER!
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