Guess who's going to VEGAAAAASSSSSSSS??!

Thaaats right, lovies! Ya girl is headed off to the city of S-I-N on October 23rd for the premier and exciting launch of "Makeup Artists: The Who's Who in the Industry"!!! Can you say BOOSTED!? I CAN! I'm superboosted, supergeeked, and completely and totally proud of myself that I was able to put together a plan to get there. I swear, I got in by the skin of my damn teeth, but...I'm in. Can you believe it?!
And y'all KNOW I have my hair and makeup allll picked out already, lol!  Old Hollywood Glamour is the theme of the event so you know what that means, right?  Soft waves, maybe some pin curls, a flower behind one ear, charcoal smokey eyes, and the must have-must die for-super sultry red lips.  *shivering*  That weekend cannot get here fast enough, I tell ya. 

Forget that I'm going to be featured in a book--my first ever, btw.  Forget that it'll be my first time in Vegas, staying at the Bellagio. FORGET that the entire event will be on ET and Access Hollywood AND that the footage from the filming of it is gonna be the pilot episode for a TV show in the works where I might also be featured as part of the International Makeup Artist contest. Fuhgeddaboudit!  I'm just stoked about the chance to be in that energy, surrounded by like-minded individuals, dressed to the nines and glammed to the hills, lol. And the cherry on the top is that I am sharing it with one of my favorite people in the entire world, my mentor and personal Guru Ms. McLean.  
Not only is the event for a wonderful cause, but it's just sooo....ME! Its how I'd live my life everyday if I could. I'm excited about the book tour, about the book itself which is gonna be fab, about being featured. Everything. Just....everything, lol.  Linda is such a doll, love her energy, her passion and enthusiasm for this project, and her vision for us in this tough industry. She made me an offer I couldn't refuse...and it may turn out to be my career's biggest blessing to date.

and to think, I almost missed it. I almost chose to not believe in myself enough to put in the extra effort. Just sad. Shame on you, Chica!

Okay, I'm off to get back to work but I just wanted to update you guys on the progress and share my good news.

*doing the Beyonce dance!*

I'm going to Vaaaygus, I'm goin ta Vaaayyyguss! Jeah!

Head to the skies, eyes on the prizes Lovies!

Beautiful

Confession: I love Labor Day

So, it’s the start of another fall. Another school year, another favorite season, another hectic football schedule. I’ve been thinking, though. Does it have to be so hectic? A lot has happened (and not happened) since last year. This year, I have a year of single parenthood under my belt. This year, Isayah's dad is home—though he’s not proving as helpful as we’d hoped. This year, I am closer to closure with my ex than I was this time LAST year. This year, I’m not quite so panicked about raising isayah alone. This year, though there’s a new school in the mix, I’m a bit more prepared for what to expect and how to handle it. This year, I know to pick my battles. This year, I have a job; THREE JOBS actually, lol. My makeup career (if you could call it that) is beginning to take off. I just signed on to be be part of a really great project in makeup, one that will be great for me, my career, and for its charity organization. This year, this moment actually, I feel as empowered as I’ve ever wanted to actually be. I feel I have passed that proverbial “crossroads” moment. I chose a path. There’s no going back from here on out. I know what I want, I know where I want to go, I know what I stand for. I stand for honesty, integrity, love, family, and justice. I believe in those things, even though some of them evade my grasp just now. They are still things I want and need in my life, and I know now that I’m not willing to settle for just any old thing in my quest for purpose fulfillment.

Last night, on brothers and sisters, nora said something—a quote—that really stuck with me. And I’ve been thinking about it all day.

“you can’t sit on your hands so other people will feel better about themselves. You won’t do anyone any good by pretending to be less than what you are.”

I think it’s pretty self-explanatory, but what it means for me is this: I don’t owe anyone else my greatness. No one has worked harder, prayed harder, or sacrificed more for my own greatness than I have. So, when the time comes that I may consider being in a relationship, taking a better job, living a better life, enjoying the fruits of my labor, or having the relationship with my son that I want…I’m not gonna dumb anything down, short change myself, or sit on my hands and wait for validation from ANYONE.

No.one.com

Not being with my ex for the reason that we finally broke up this last time (and yes, I know ive said that at LEAST 225 times, but this time really is the last time. And I’m okay with it now.) made it so clear to me. It was like the light bulb finally came on. That relationship was so wrong for me, but for (what are only now becoming) obvious reasons. It didn’t encourage me to be my best; it encouraged me to rely on someone else so that he could be HIS best…which dimmed my own strength and abilities. I AM smart, and strong, and capable, and I should not have to dumb anything down to get ahead. there are definitely times when I need help, but it shouldn't be that I'm always helpless so u can feel needed. That may work and be perfectly fine for someone else…but not for me. But in so many ways, that dynamic failed so much because I refused to dumb it down. I can't lie: it got reeeeal easy to be helpless after I got the hang of it. Having a safety net has a way of spoiling a girl rotten. And that is sad, and really unfortunate. And God/the Universe kept trying to get me to see that….but I was blinded by my own need for the last word. And I totally missed the boat on that one, lol. Gosh! How stupid it all feels now!! I’m almost shocked I’m still alive, lol. Its like wait…what? Did I really fight so hard for that all this time? Did I really? Was I really FIGHTING so hard to be part of something that actually DIDN’T validate or exalt me at ALL?? Something that asked of me to continuously boost someone else’s ego, their strength, their LIFE…under the guise of showing love and support…and each time I wasn’t able to do it successfully (and I shouldn’t have), I shouldered the guilt, took the blame, everything. How come I am JUST now seeing this???????????? Its almost laughable! In fact, it IS laughable. *chuckling*

Though I feel like im in denial saying so, now it is so clear that it really wasn’t me this whole time…it was him. It was never about me, or loving me, or needing me, or any of that. He needed someone to sit under his ego and be a jack, pushing it further and further up until it was impossible to see him anymore. All these years I refused to do that, but once I finally started, it was the beginning of the end. Jeez. Good job, BD. Oh well, now I know better than to do THAT again. I’m so glad this happened. I was in SUCH a huge rush to be in a relationship. But, it is avoiding me like the plague, lol. And thank goodness. I really do need this time to align all my thoughts with my actions. I’m so glad I didn’t rush into anything, especially with Derrick. I was so prepared to be his everything, not challenging him to give me all that I deserve. Hmph. Who did I think I was, settling like that? Definitely not my most shining moments, lol. Consider it a lesson learned. nobody else. Even if it feels sucky, I won’t continue to let these bitch ass niggas take me for a ride and sell me a damn dream. I know what I work for, I know what I’m worth, I know what I deserve…and it’s not bullshit.

I’m a good person, I’m a good girlfriend, I’m a good friend. I’m not perfect, but I do my best. And that’s good enough for me.

Its gonna be a good season :-)

Confession: I Need Some New Friends

I would dearly love some friends like me. I can safely safe I'm good on having friends with whom I have nothing in common; I don't need anymore for the moment. What would be great is a group of like-minded women with similar situations. I can't be the only creative artist who's single and has a child with an itty bitty support system, can I? Impossible. There have to be others like me. Where are they?
I've heard it said that it becomes increasingly more difficult to make new friends as u get older. Unfortunately, I don't believe this so I'm always on the lookout for new friend opportunities. I've always been like that, meeting ppl everywhere, conversing with random strangers in the weirdest places. Unfortunately, the pool of randoms get wider yet weirder as I age...so I have to be more careful these days.

Trust, I know what it is to be tired. EXHAUSTED. I know with crystal clarity what it is to not trust anyone enough to get close to them. And I also know what its like to be lonely. But I know it can't just be me that wants to have friends despite all those things. So, keeping with the theory that its impossible for me to be the lone wolf in this group of singlemotherdom, where errybody else at? My apt isn't the Grand Hyatt, but where are my fellow single moms who wanna bring the kids over for movie night? Or who have a recommendation for a GREAT babysitter in this recession? And where are all those still-young-at-heart moms who still have sleepovers?? Am I the ONLY one for real?? I mean, seriously.
A few weeks ago, I told a friend of mine (single no kids) that I've been dying to have a sleepover. I asked if I invited her, would she come? Basically, she said "I'd stop by but I wouldn't stay". While I respect her answer, I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me that I want to. Granted, I know its DC and the women here are TERRIBLY standoffish...but its not like I'm a serial kidnapper! I'm just as concerned and cautious as the next person with or without kids. I want to protect myself from crazy ppl and still find a way to have a good time. Whatever happened to house parties?! Are they only for college students, and adults who already know one another? How do single parents meet ppl nowadays?

Being a single parent means that, unless u have a live in nanny, a grandparent closeby, or a BOMB ASS on-call babysitter, u don't have much of a non-child social life. I barely drink, I don't smoke or do any kind of drugs, I don't go to clubs so guys can grind my pelvis to dust, and I DON'T have a bomb ass sitter. So, most of my time is spent at home, or at kid-friendly events. But now that school's back in, there is very little opportunity for spontaneity in my social life. I don't have the freedom to just throw in a happy hour during the week, or go hear live music after work on Fridays, or even take an early Saturday morning gym class. Between work, school, football, and makeup...most of my time is accounted for during the week. BUT, other single moms like me who do a lot (and let's face it, if we're surviving...we do a lot) MUST want to hang out SOMETIMES...mustn't they? Of course we can't all get together and go party all night...who can afford those sitter fees, and who has THAT type of energy? But if there were a few of us, someone different could host each weekend, or on Tuesdays or Thursdays when there's no football practice. Doesn't have to be a sleepover; it could be anything: movies, games, music, shoooot we could do a clothing/accessories/makeup swap if we have stuff to trade or give away. Throw in some food, some x-box games, or a movie and the kids are set, busy for the rest of the night. *Disclaimer: if u got bad ass kids then u are cordially UNinvited. Chances r u don't think ur child falls into this category...but let's keep it real. You are NOT stupid. Or blind. If you've left ur child with a sitter, family mbr or friend for more than an hour or two and upon ur return, ur sitter had no problem telling u that he/she almost jabbed the hell outta ur child...twice...then ur probably not invited to movie or game night. Your child is NOT gonna ruin it for everyone. Cuz I WILL punch a lil kid in the face. Hmph.

Idk, maybe I just come from a different time when stuff like that happened on the regular. Not in MY house of course, but everywhere else I went as a child. Aunts, uncle, grandparents, friends, everywhere. If u got kids, bring'em on, they can play in the kids' room while the adults chill out here with red dixie cups and a deck of cards. Lol, or was that just my ppls that did that?

I know one thing, I'm officially out of resources to keep making myself available to go to "single/married with no kids" functions. I get tired --so tired-- of having to scramble and find a sitter to do things cuz none of my friends have children so they don't really understand how flexible I simply can't be. And they keep wanting to do things that require me to be away from Isayah for hours at a time. And I'm on my last leg with that.
Its completely true, u shouldn't have children until ur ready. But for those of us who didn't listen, didn't pawn our children off on family members, or now find ourselves primary shareholders (read: custodial parents) for whatever reason, what's done is done. They're here now. And there must be some sort of balance for us. I'm a firm believer in group activities and I'm always quick to try to start an uprising, or a revolution.
Crazy people have made it extremely difficult to get ppl to reach out cuz now nobody trusts anybody anymore. And I get that. But if any of u know me, u know I like to just bust in, kick doors down, and get shit popping, lol. I'm tryna go everywhere, meet everybody, get everybody together, and build our network. I mean in church, at schools, on the football field, at the Rec Center, at the gyms, in the GROCERY STORE. Anywhere I might find a single mom who is social just like me, but also limited in their time and has to plan things the way I do....that one who gave up on "playing it by ear" long ago cuz she realized that yes, she NEEDS to plan her life that far in advance if she wants to get things done....that's who I want to meet.

Even those who aren't as anal about planning as I have to be, lol, can join our group too. I figure there's groups for motorcycles, prayer, atheists, softball, kickball (which I'm determined to find too), flag and co-ed football, knitting, bowling, sewing, swing dancing, hand dancing, casual sex, no sex, too much sex, bisexual, trisexual, asexual, hetero and homosexual...but there's not a group for me and my kind. Not here in alexandria, not that I know of. I just don't fit into my group of friends anymore. I'm single, and while I could have easily married my last boyfriend once I got ready, I'm in no big rush to marry.So that excludes me from that "single and looking" group.
I'm working, but I don't have extensive degrees or levels of education nor am I making bank like some are. I just don't have it yet. I will but right now, I don't. So that kicks me out of that group that sits around and compares designer bags shoes and clothes to pass the time. Retail therapy is not on my priority list.
While I love to dance the night away as much as the next girl, I'm not a club head or a party girl. You won't ever catch me in a club or a lounge more than once a week. Never. Won't catch me posted up, holding up the wall observing those around me more than--actually, I don't do that anymore so nevermind. Standing around looking cute nursing a drink is not my forte. It works for some girls; it annoys me. So, I'm out of the party girl group too. I'm not available for happy hours during the week. I could try it, but it'd require me to live SOOOO Trife, I couldn't live with the guilt. So, that leaves me in my little neck of the woods, all by myself, waiting for somebody to reach out. When I reach out, most times ppl think I'm weird and they either don't respond or they respond and don't follow thru.

Sigh.

What's a girl to do?

Am I gonna have to start the revolution myself? Hmmmmm...its worth looking into. I just can't believe that its just me who feels this way! I know ppl r busy, but they gon make time for me dammit! Lmao!
I'ma do some digging around and let y'all know what I come up with....

Upcoming Wedding

Really excited about a wedding Im working on Friday. Its at a Catholic Church in DC. I met the bride, she's totally awesome, and she's one of my new favorites because she loves her dramatic makeup. I'm doing hair and makeup for her. She was really really excited about her look during her trial so that always gives me a rush, lol. Her wedding is Friday at 4.

I'm so glad I am over and done with having the flu. It's the pits :-(. I have been REALLY lax with taking my camera with me to my trials so i PROMISE I will take my camera with me to the wedding (and my next trial).

I'll post the pictures (that i take on friday) here on Saturday....the pro photogs take FOREVER!

Labor Day

blessed herbs

I debated for a while over whether or not I would blog about this because it's kinda...well, actually, its really...welll...its friggin gross. Ugh.

About a year ago, I first learned about colonics and colon cleansing. One of my fellow DC Sista Girls mentioned searching for a good colon cleanser, and I was clueless so i headed over to "i don't know what the hell that means so lemme go look it up" central. Yep. www.google.com.

Turns out, the colon is where all the *gag* waste from your food is stored inside your body. And here I am, stupid, thinking that when I, ahem, go to the bathroom...I got rid of everything in storage. NOT so. Ha! not even CLOSE.

After sifting through many websites that promised to give me a bright and shiny brand spanking new freshly cleaned colon *double gag*, I landed at www.blessedherbs.com.
This site offered a Colon Cleansing Kit and an Internal Cleansing Kit. They both sounded way too much for me, but I continued to read on. I honestly didn't realize that colon cleansing was so involved. Admittedly, I had no idea what the colon was, or what it actually looked like or what its function was prior to that time. Just ignorant for no damn reason. *shakin my head*
Once I saw those pictures (if you went to the site, you know which pictures I'm talkin about), I promptly x'd out of that site and immediately decided not to revisit any time soon. Absolutely gross. Blech.

Now, understand that, at this time I was about 20-25 pounds lighter, way more active, and not quite as mature as I am today *smiling* so it was easy for me to ignore the concept of my needing a colon cleanse.

Today? Not so much. not at ALL.

Lol, I come from a very Southern family that does NOT believe in anything but the healing power of the Lord Jesus Christ. So, if you got a problem, pray about it. Doctors, not so much. Alternative medicines, definitely not. Herbs, Reiki, Yoga, Holistic therapy...maaaan, HELL naw. You live, you eat what you want, you do what you want, you work hard, pray hard, then you die. Period. Needless to say, my family is (and for those that have passed, was) riddled with all types of diseases, most of which they refuse to get treated for. Personally, I don't take medicine unless I think I'm dying. Seriously, I just don't like to take it,especially pills. i almost always choke on them; liquid medicine tastes disgusting, too. Yes, it's childish, I'm aware. It won't change. let it go. No really, let it go, lol.

So, a few months ago, when it became increasingly more difficult to ignore the heaviness I felt when walking, running (yeah, right), climbing stairs, or even playing tag with my son...I knew it was time to think outside of the box and pay closer attention to my body. I've always been one to take my good health for granted. I figure, we all gotta die of something, right? (shuddup) But, I hated that feeling. After i moved into my new apt, it was a BITCH gettin up that hill to the door everyday. Bringing in the groceries felt like double the chore it ALREADY is...so sometimes, some of them damn groceries got left in the car, lol. (shuddup)
Anyway, so off I go, looking for a way to really get moving. Another of my DCSGs is a personal trainer, so I spoke with her about what I should do. Of course, she told me I needed to exercise more, get my metabolism moving, etc. I wanted to, but I was still filled with excuses...so I never made it to any of her classes. In my own defense, I was really busy at the time; plus I didn't have the money. **Big shout out to Lisa Lofty A.K.A. LOBO of LOBO Fitness www.lobofitness.com **
I put it off for another few months, and then finally, at the end of the summer...I went back to that website. Big Sigh. I went. I looked at those pictures. I read the testimonials. Again. The Cleanse requires a 5 day liquids-only fast. Wait...What? For 5 whole days, i can't eat? I CAN'T EAT?? Nope. Not ready. I'm not ready. But...what about this heaviness each time i walk? Its not gonna go away on it's own.

*here is where you insert the face you make the moment you realize you have to do something you really don't want to do, are not even sure you're capable of doing...but have to anyway, not because someone else is making you do it, but because the potential consequences of not doing it may be too scary for you to deal with.

Yep. Insert that face, for me, riiiiiiight.......here: ________.

Boo. Hisssss...

Luckily this time, they'd made it virtually IMPOSSIBLE not to get the kit. Not only was it on sale, down from 189.00 to 89.50 (i love recession pricing), but NOW they're offering to practically give it to me for free! If I purchase the colon cleansing kit, and I don't acheive the results it promises, I pay nothing but the shipping it cost to get it to me. Wait....What? I was already skeptical to begin with...now they're daring me to get it. Taunting me, even. The bastids.
Hmph.

So, I order the colon cleansing kit on Friday. It arrives on Tuesday. The instructions say that I have to do a 3 day Pre-Cleanse to prepare my body, which is more comforting. i'm to gradually decrease my food intake each day, until I finally (big gulp) go to liquids-only on the 4th day.
For a moment, I paused. Was I really ready to commit to this? I know it may seem to-some of you-that I'm making a huge deal out of this...but I'm a food addict. Seriously. Food is my vice, my crutch, my one and only comfort in this life that can get abominably dreary at times. The only way I'd be willing to give up food is if I were trapped in a cave guarded by clowns covered in camel crickets and toads on an island surrounded by brown pirahna-infested water that may or may not be harboring the Swine Flu....and the food was stored in a helicopter that so happened to be dangling a rescue ladder OVER the brown water. Its that serious. I mean, it must be eat or death. I felt I couldn't even give up food if Isayah's life depended on it...because if it came down to it, and I got hungry enough, i MIGHT just eat HIS ass if I had to. So, could I really conquer my bad eating habits enough to make this mental commitment. I've always been aware that its all mental; I've just never cared enough to give up the one thing that makes me just as happy, if not happier, than doing makeup in order to make that mental commitment.

But, the kit was already there. So, I had to do it.

BIG SIGH.

Read here for the day to day breakdown...

pre-cleanse

Ok, here goes:

Pre-Cleanse, Day 1:

The idea is to get your *triple gag* bowels moving, and prepared for the huge amount of elimination that's about to take place in the next couple of days. The kit provides "Digestive Stimulators" to this effect. They are the size of HORSE PILLS, just so we're clear. I could be exaggerating for dramatic effect, but to me, they were horse pills. Anyway, I was instructed to study the Digestive Stimulator Dosage chart, match my normal level of regularity with the amount of stimulators listed, and take that amount. Mine was 2, thank GOD. I had to take two of these before bed, with the desired result being 3-4 soft movements the next day. Once things get moving, I was to take 1 Toxin Absorber with apple juice before my last meal of the day. The toxin absorber is just as it sounds: basically, finely ground Psyllium husk that goes inside your colon and binds to the mucoid plaque that's attached itself to the lining of your colon/intestines.

That first day of pre-cleanse, I had to eat only 3/4 of what I would normally eat in a day. So, for breakfast, I'd normally have 2 scrambled eggs with sharp cheddar cheese, 2 pieces of smoked sausage or 3 slices of bacon, 2 pieces of toast with Smart Balance, and either grits or 3 pancakes. (I shudder to think, now, of eating all that food. I'm *literally* gagging just thinking about it.) For breakfast that morning, I had 2 pieces of toast with Smart Balance and strawberry jam, and an apple. And that was breakfast. For a snack (which it's important to note that I never usually do, eat snacks, which i know is wrong) I had a fruit cup. For lunch I broke down and went to Wendy's and had a Double with Cheese...but I didn't get any fries. I got a side Caesar salad...which really wasn't a side at all because y'all know i don't eat lettuce stems (which is what Caesar Salads primarily consist of) so after I obsessively picked out all the stems and bacon pieces, added up to maybe 4 whole pieces of lettuce. For dinner, I had Burger King, I think. I don't really remember. *sorry*. A whopper (no cheese), half an order of onion rings, and 1/4 of the fruit punch. At the end of the day, just before your last meal, you're to take 1 Toxin Absorber with 8 oz of organic apple juice, then wait 2 hours and take your last set of Digestive Stimulators before bed. Done. Went to bed not knowing what to expect, but terrified that I'd sh*t on myself in my sleep if, tonight of all nights, I had that damn "pee dream" where I'm peeing in my dream cuz I have to pee so bad in real life, lol. Anyway, I went to bed, prepared for the worst.

Pre-Cleanse, Day 2:

Today, I had to eat 1/2 of the portion size I'd normally eat. Today is also the day I have to monitor my *cringe* bowel activity to make sure I go at least 3-4 times today. So, for breakfast I had 1 piece of toast with Smart Balance, and a fruit cup. I went to work, hoping to not embarrass myself when I had to go to the restroom that first (crucial) time. But, it didn't come....I attributed that to my small breakfast. And so, I waited.
For lunch, I went to Ruby Tuesday and I had 5 wings (which was a true testament to my commitment because them jokers come 12 to an order) and half a plate of salad (oil and vinegar) from the salad bar, with a glass of water. Normally, I'd have a full order of wings, some fries, and a strawberry lemonade. I figured that since I had a lunch that was larger than breakfast, I'd at least go to the bathroom once. But...nothing...again. I was tempted to eat the rest of my wings to encourage my bowels to fill and force me to go....nah, lol, lemme stop bullsh*ttin...I was just lookin for an excuse to eat them damn wings. I ended up taking the rest of 'em home, to have for lunch the next day.
For dinner, I had the strongest desire to pig out on something, anything, just because my mind knew i wouldn't be eating for a long time in a matter of days. I think Michelle and I ended up having McDonald's fries for dinner that night, so i didn't pig out...but i don't normally eat McDonald's so either way it was different, but less than what I'd normally eat. they were SOOOOO FRIGGIN GOOD! By the end of the night, I still hadn't gone to the bathroom ONCE, even though I'd taken my stimulator faithfully. What happened? i referred to the booklet, and it said that no matter how long it took, no matter how many pills it took, I had to get up to 3-4 times a day before I could start the master cleanse. If I wasn't there yet, I needed to take more pills...and that, for some ppl, it took upwards of 10 pills a day. Wait, lol...What da hell?! You got the game twisted if you think I'ma take 10 of ANYTHING called a "Digestive Stimulator" and I'm fresh outta vacation days at work. I'd be in the bathroom ALL DAY! Like, i'd have to move in and start gettin my MAIL in the bathroom, dude. Not gon happen. But, i did up my dosage to 5 instead of 2. And then I prayed. Then I went to bed.

Somewhere around it's-too-damn-dark-outside-and-i'm-too-sleepy-to-check-the-time, I woke up out of a dead sleep and flew to the bathroom. Finally! 5 was my magic number. Back to bed....aaaand up again, about 2 hours later. Whoa. 5 Really was my magic number. *gas face*

Pre-Cleanse, Day 3:

This morning, I woke up and could just sense that it would be a successful day. And it was. I made my required number of trips to the restroom, and I was down to 1/4 of my normal intake of food. 1 Slice of toast for breakfast, no Smart Balance, half a cup of pudding for first snack, 4 wings for lunch, half a fruit cup for second snack, and for dinner, I must admit that I cheated a bit...I had tried to eliminate dairy from my diet early because i knew it would be the one thing I'd have difficulty with. But, Friday night--Day 3--I went to Chili's and Michelle and I ordered Texas Cheese Fries. I had half of those for dinner. It wasn't even a huge order, but I was truly surprised at how fast I got full. And I was training myself to put the fork down when I get full. It was hard, because my habit is to eat until everything is gone...so when the salad came (i dont know what made me think I could eat a full 3 course meal on Day 3), I took a look at it, and then I stared at Michelle, blinking. I took three bites, just cuz i'm used to being greedy, but I felt so foolish afterwards because i wanted to throw it up in the middle of the floor. Instead of sending it away, I asked for a box...again, don't know why cuz this was clearly my last meal of the day, lol. but, old habits are very hard to break, and I could just hear my mother's voice "don't you leave this table until your plate is clean!" so i went ahead and took it home. it did end up being my last meal for the day after all. I finished out day 3 with mixed feelings. Proud that I was doing my best version of sticking to my goals, yet with trepidation about the next 5 days. I decided that it would go smoother if I didn't think about it, just did it. So, I took my absorber, and went to bed. I actually had plans for that evening that I hadn't taken into consideration when I'd taken my last DS and TA...but I ended up not going out anyway, so it worked out for the best.

Lawd...How in the world am I gonna go 5 days without eating food??