Why me, Lord?
This is what I found myself saying after I hung up with Trey the last time. Trey is FINE. I mean FOINNNEE! Like Fionn Childs in high school Fine. I mean like Sean Turnage AFTER high school fine. Ya get it. Dude is FINE. Beautiful teeth, smooth sexy voice with that Harlem accent, light bright as they come with a head full of beautiful black curls. AND he loved to rock fitted caps, just.like.I.like.em. (Y'all know how I feel about fitted caps) He worked a full time, a part time, AND a thriving side hustle. He had two daughters who lit up his life. He spoke respectfully, never raised his voice, and understood boundaries and personal space. But aside from all of that, the thing I loved and adored about Trey was his honesty. He always told the truth. Always. Even when it hurt. He was a deep thinker, an avid learner of all types of things, always engrossed in a book or a play or WHATEVER. Trey was about his business, and he believed in giving back to the community so he employed the lil young boys on the block from his old neighborhood to give them something to do to stay out of trouble. Trey didn't crowd me, didn't demand loads of my time (though, let's face it, i had it to give. Ain't like i'm doin shit these days...but I digress), and he called me every day just to let me know he thought about me and that he was alive, even if he didn't have all the time in the world to chat. I appreciated that.
Trey was my emotional food. Talking to him about politics (which I never did before Trey), about sex, about love, about family, about the universe, about God, about spirituality, about the state of the Black community (again, something I NEVER used to do), about Home Depot, about roller skating, about EVERYTHING, it stroked me deep down to my emotional center. I could talk to him for hours. Most days, I did. He never got tired of talking and listening, and neither did i. Eventually he'd planned for us to have our first date at a spa where we'd enjoy a couple's massage, lunch, and a day of pampering. He said it was something he'd never done before, and wanted to try it with me. *swoon*
Trey thought I was a beautiful person on the inside, and he appreciated that I was loyal and honest and a hard worker. He could tell I wasn't a bad girl, just a little misguided at times. There was nothing I didn't like about Trey.
Until I discovered that Trey was a polygamist.
Trey had a girlfriend, a very serious girlfriend who he was interested in making his wife. Trey was also on the hunt for a second girlfriend to make his second wife. The day he dropped that bomb on me, I was crushed. Disappointed does the feeling that I felt no justice. I was way beyond disappointed. I'd asked if he had a girlfriend, he said he was seeing someone and it was serious. But, he didn't feel like that should stop him from having all the desires that he--as a man--wanted to indulge himself in. Trey believed that monogamy went totally against a man's nature--hence, all that sperm released during ejaculation--and that no one man could ever be pleased by just one woman. Men are hunters and the hunt does not end when one prey is caught. The hunt is continual. Women, however, had no need to be anything but monogamous. Women, by design, desired security and nurturing and love which can, by his account, be found in one man.
Personally, I thought it was a crock of shit. BUT, I knew immediately that it wouldn't work out. He didn't beg me to not say no; he did, however, put up a very persuasive argument for me at least being open to considering it. After all, I couldn't knock it until I'd at least tried it. Right?
So, I thought about it. For a day. Then, the next day, I had a list of questions for him. The idea of polygamy was very new to me, and I didn't wanna go google that shit and get all freaked out. I wanted to know what polygamy with Trey was like. What should I/could I expect? Was this just a ploy to get me to be his permanent side piece? Does his girlfriend know? What if I wanted to date someone else too? The questions were endless, lol. Thankfully, we had a rapport that made it so easy and comfortable for me to ask those questions, and get the answers I needed in order to make an informed decision.
Now, before you get all up in arms about him not telling me all this off the bat, in Trey's defense I will say that I didn't ask him, initially. I waited until I got to know him, was totally crushing on him, THEN asked about his status. NOW, in my own defense, I did meet him on POF and his profile lists him as Single and his religion as Other. He explained that like this: most women are not into polygamy because they're afraid of it based on bad stories they've heard. Most American women have never tried polygamy so they don't know if they can, in fact, be successful at it. And he knows that most women will rule him out without even taking the time to try it first, if he listed himself as in a relationship.
He's not looking for a side piece. He's looking for a loving healthy relationship. He's looking to meet a dynamic woman whom he can share his life with, and when the time comes that everyone should meet because everyone agrees that this is what they want, there will be a round table meeting/discussion.
*true story. that's what he said.*
Now. Again, I've never participated in anything like polygamy, ever. But, for the sake of at least being able to call myself open to trying new things, i decided I would try it. I told him i was very nervous and afraid of being neglected and becoming possessive and jealous (which was weird because I'm not even like that in relationships and have, in the past, given a boyfriend or two permission to step out if they needed to) and that i would need time to transition my mind to that way of thinking, but okay. I would try it.
Bwahahahahaha! That shit lasted all of A DAY. I think we talked MAYBE 3-4 more times after that day, but eventually, it died. I think he and the girlfriend lived together because I was not allowed to talk to him at night. He would call me at, say, 9:30/10 at night, and we would talk for a little while. On nights when he worked late, he'd call me on his way home. But, when he'd arrive home, we'd shut it down and not talk again until the next day. There was even one night where he politely (and i do mean politely, it wasn't sarcasm or anything mean, he had a really kind spirit about him) reminded me that I couldn't get too caught up in the idea of having him and his time all to myself because there was someone else. As long as he was giving me the time I needed, there was no need to be greedy, lol. *laughing hysterically at someone actually saying that to my greedy ass* He said that part of successful polygamy was learning to know your place and stay in that role at all times, to not get caught up in what I wouldn't be getting but to revel in what I WOULD be getting....yeah. He said that. To me.
Yeah dawg, I'ma hit you right back.
*singing Prince's Beautiful Ones*
Showing posts with label POF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label POF. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Just in Time
Ahhhh, *Justin. How I swooned over your mohawk and baby pink ribbed sweater that hugged your 2 pack abs and lumpy-mashed-potato pecs oh so right.
Am I a glutton for punishment? Not only did I agree to meet Justin in public, but for dinner AND a movie no less! To be fair, he does look just like his POF pictures. I guess maybe I thought I could live with how his pictures looked. They didn't look bad. But to see it materialized in person...was a bit unsettling. First of all, I arrived late. No surprise there. Second, he arrived late. an hour and 15 minutes late. But I waited for him. Surprise surprise. Only because our dinner table would take about an hour to be available so there was no point in being angry that he was late, lol. Besides, I swoon at the mere mention of Bang Bang Shrimp and mashed potatoes from Bonefish Grill so there was no option to go elsewhere. I happily waited.
Once he arrived, and i saw that he was, indeed, wearing a very very tight version of his little brother's ribbed baby pink zippered cardigan sweater thingy, I was a bit alarmed. His profile said he was 5'10". He was 5'8", IF THAT. *eye roll* Why n*ggas got ta lie?? I'm 5'8.5" (and yes, bitches, that .5" counts) and my profile very clearly stated that anyone under 5'10" need not apply. Of course, I wore heels so that first "hey, how are you doing?" hug was pretty awkward. *small eyes*
He regaled me with tales of his world travels over drinks and appetizers. I laughed, sometimes. But, I tell ya, I couldn't stop staring at his pecs. They were HUGE! AND LUMPY! it was the weirdest thing I'd ever seen. However, the more strawberry martinis I drank, the more acceptable those pecs became. I'm tellin you, dude...I saw dude's nipples thru his sweater. That's how tight that shit was. No bull. And he had these really broad shoulders and no neck, like a bodybuilder...but he was short, with a mohawk AND a diamond stud in each ear...so to see him walk was NOT something I could do with out giggling after all those martinis. *hangs head in shame* He was preparing to have knee surgery in a few days and was getting all of his partying in before then, so he wanted to really paint the town burgundy that night. I'd agreed to dinner and a movie, that's it. So, after dinner, we got tickets to see the most boring end-of-the-world movie ever made a.k.a. 2012. i don't know how we made it through. I think I was so distracted by that damn pink sweater AND the ribbed texture of it, i totally forgot how much I hate John Cusack's acting, and never watch his movies.
I was trapped. At one point during the movie, this fool turns to me and says "do you have any chapstick?" I say "No, I'm sorry hon, all I have is lip gloss", chuckling. And he says 'ok, that'll do." And holds out his hand.
***I'm sorry, what Sir??**
Dude. So serious. I've never seen a more serious face on a man in all my days of living. So, I handed him my lip gloss. *shrug* I think at this point it became crystal clear to both of us (read: my dumb ass) that the 'date' was over and we were just two people hanging out, chattin, and watching a boring ass movie. Now, in defense of my own blonde hair, I can honestly say i wasn't at ALL under the impression that I'd ever take seriously a man who wore a baby sized baby pink ribbed sweater on a 'first date', not as a love interest. So, while I wasn't surprised that he wore lip gloss, I was surprised that he ASKED to wear MINE. Like, out loud. In REAL LIFE.
The rest of the night went really well actually. We had more fun after that incident than we'd had the whole night. We spent the rest of the movie trying to snatch each other's phones away so the other couldn't text somebody else out of boredom, lol. "I Know you not texting nobody while I"m sitting right here! Hmph. Then lemme go head and text somebody too!" Oh, the antics. We got "shhhhhh!!!"'d, and "shut up!!!"'d for giggling too much and making too much noise, lol, but we didn't leave til it ended. After, it was so late and I was so tired I couldn't do anything else. He wanted to hang some more but I just couldn't. He was really cool, and I'm glad I got to meet him. He was a really interesting person to talk to, and talking to him made me realize how truly small and uninteresting my life is. Or rather, I now realize how much more interesting I want to be as the person sitting on the other side of the dinner table, talking about themself.
Am I a glutton for punishment? Not only did I agree to meet Justin in public, but for dinner AND a movie no less! To be fair, he does look just like his POF pictures. I guess maybe I thought I could live with how his pictures looked. They didn't look bad. But to see it materialized in person...was a bit unsettling. First of all, I arrived late. No surprise there. Second, he arrived late. an hour and 15 minutes late. But I waited for him. Surprise surprise. Only because our dinner table would take about an hour to be available so there was no point in being angry that he was late, lol. Besides, I swoon at the mere mention of Bang Bang Shrimp and mashed potatoes from Bonefish Grill so there was no option to go elsewhere. I happily waited.
Once he arrived, and i saw that he was, indeed, wearing a very very tight version of his little brother's ribbed baby pink zippered cardigan sweater thingy, I was a bit alarmed. His profile said he was 5'10". He was 5'8", IF THAT. *eye roll* Why n*ggas got ta lie?? I'm 5'8.5" (and yes, bitches, that .5" counts) and my profile very clearly stated that anyone under 5'10" need not apply. Of course, I wore heels so that first "hey, how are you doing?" hug was pretty awkward. *small eyes*
He regaled me with tales of his world travels over drinks and appetizers. I laughed, sometimes. But, I tell ya, I couldn't stop staring at his pecs. They were HUGE! AND LUMPY! it was the weirdest thing I'd ever seen. However, the more strawberry martinis I drank, the more acceptable those pecs became. I'm tellin you, dude...I saw dude's nipples thru his sweater. That's how tight that shit was. No bull. And he had these really broad shoulders and no neck, like a bodybuilder...but he was short, with a mohawk AND a diamond stud in each ear...so to see him walk was NOT something I could do with out giggling after all those martinis. *hangs head in shame* He was preparing to have knee surgery in a few days and was getting all of his partying in before then, so he wanted to really paint the town burgundy that night. I'd agreed to dinner and a movie, that's it. So, after dinner, we got tickets to see the most boring end-of-the-world movie ever made a.k.a. 2012. i don't know how we made it through. I think I was so distracted by that damn pink sweater AND the ribbed texture of it, i totally forgot how much I hate John Cusack's acting, and never watch his movies.
I was trapped. At one point during the movie, this fool turns to me and says "do you have any chapstick?" I say "No, I'm sorry hon, all I have is lip gloss", chuckling. And he says 'ok, that'll do." And holds out his hand.
***I'm sorry, what Sir??**
Dude. So serious. I've never seen a more serious face on a man in all my days of living. So, I handed him my lip gloss. *shrug* I think at this point it became crystal clear to both of us (read: my dumb ass) that the 'date' was over and we were just two people hanging out, chattin, and watching a boring ass movie. Now, in defense of my own blonde hair, I can honestly say i wasn't at ALL under the impression that I'd ever take seriously a man who wore a baby sized baby pink ribbed sweater on a 'first date', not as a love interest. So, while I wasn't surprised that he wore lip gloss, I was surprised that he ASKED to wear MINE. Like, out loud. In REAL LIFE.
The rest of the night went really well actually. We had more fun after that incident than we'd had the whole night. We spent the rest of the movie trying to snatch each other's phones away so the other couldn't text somebody else out of boredom, lol. "I Know you not texting nobody while I"m sitting right here! Hmph. Then lemme go head and text somebody too!" Oh, the antics. We got "shhhhhh!!!"'d, and "shut up!!!"'d for giggling too much and making too much noise, lol, but we didn't leave til it ended. After, it was so late and I was so tired I couldn't do anything else. He wanted to hang some more but I just couldn't. He was really cool, and I'm glad I got to meet him. He was a really interesting person to talk to, and talking to him made me realize how truly small and uninteresting my life is. Or rather, I now realize how much more interesting I want to be as the person sitting on the other side of the dinner table, talking about themself.
Greg Not So Nice
You should know that I am not the type to wait for a guy to find me, either on POF or otherwise. If/when I see an attractive guy's profile pic, I read over the profile, check his stats, and if it seems like an okay package, I usually send him a message. Typically, the messages say something funny or snarky or sarcastic in response to something I've read in their profile. If the guy responds, then that lets me know he doesn't mind my smart ass mouth, lol (which is important). If I read a person's profile, and there are a bunch of misspelled words, missing words, or typos, i immediately leave the page no matter how cute the person is. If it seems like the person is trying too hard to be funny or cool in the profile, that's an I'LL PASS too. Admittedly, my standards get higher and higher each day so when i run across a profile that I'm drawn to, it is almost impossible for me to pass it by. Which brings me to *Greg.
Because I'm going back in time to tell these tales, some of the details are a little fuzzy. I can't remember if I met Greg by sending him a message first, or if he sent me one first. Either way, we ended up playing POF email tag as usual. Unlike the others, with Greg, it took off really fast. The turnaround time for POF emails for me is usually about 1-2 days but with him, he was ON IT! No sooner than I'd send them, he'd reply immediately, each time. Greg was a talker, and I loved that. He was smart, articulate, witty, funny, LIGHT SKINNEDEDED, tall (6'3"), and he had beautiful teeth. (ting!) He didn't have any children, but came from a big family and eventually wanted a couple of his own kids (which for me is a no-no cuz I'ont want no more damn kids). He was self employed, really into boxing, and had a knack for working with computer hardware. I wasn't too thrilled that he lived in Oxon Hill--not because I have a problem with Oxon Hill but because my ex who I once loved enough to hate lived in Oxon Hill so there's a bad memory attached to that area--but he was originally from uptown (NW,DC--again, just like my hated ex) so I gave him a pass. LOL.
Greg and I met and hit it off from the start. He was a smart mouthed fireball just like me and we had the most interesting debates and discussions. I loved every minute of it, lol. As we got to know each other more, it became clear that we were digging each other...but were both cautious and trying not to rush things. Because we met during the heavy snowstorms of 2009/2010, we didn't really get a chance to hang out much. Between work, school, Isayah, boxing practice, and the damn snow, it was just impossible. So, we relied on talking, texting, and video chatting. *sighing, remembering those beautiful teeth*
After a few weeks, I noticed Greg began to distance himself. When I'd ask, he'd say that nothing was wrong he was just in 'the zone', which was cool and understandable. We didn't get to talk much now that he was in the zone, but since we were facebook friends, I was always updated on his goingsons (and yes, that's a word Kakuna). More and more, he would call and text less until whole days would go by without a word from him...but he was always on facebook.
One day, after I hadn't heard from him in a bout a week, I ventured back to the POF site. I hadn't been on there since he and I had begun talking earnestly, so i was surprised to see that he was signed in too. *hmmm.....* Now, don't get me wrong. I completely understand that he may have been still keeping his options open and talking to other chicks. No problem. But...what happened to me? Did he suddenly change his mind and opt not to clue me in? maybe I missed the memo. I went back and read over our texts, looking for some sign that he'd lost interest; maybe I'd overlooked something. Nope. I didn't see anything unusual, except the dates when he texted had begun to space out significantly. :-( i was very confused.
One night in particular, i got stuck in the snow driving home from my grandmother's house and I called him to see if he could come 'rescue' me so I wouldn't be stranded. When he answered, his tone was COMPLETELY flat and uninterested. *wide eyes* Still confused, i kept asking if everything was okay, which seemed to annoy him. When he asked what I was up to, i told him my car had stalled in the snow, and *jokingly* cried out for his help (oh, the drama)...to which he responded "um, nah, i'm kinda busy right now. there's an x-box tournament goin on right now, and I'm winning." I wasn't entirely sure if he was joking or not, so I kinda laughed...and so did he...then he hung up. Eventually, i made my way home, and promptly deleted him from my facebook friends list. The following Monday, I got a text asking how I was, how was my day, etc...I responded with maybe 3 dry ass words, and eventually the texts stopped.
That same day, i met another guy on POF named *Justin. We chatted for a few days and agreed to meet for dinner and a movie the upcoming weekend. During that date, I got a call from Greg which I sent to voicemail. He left a message, and I called back once I left the theater. LOL, we both ran around the bush about 1000 times before finally discussing what had happened. Apparently, he'd been having some personal issues and didn't feel like being bothered. He felt that I was being too needy by wanting to continue our daily communication, and should not have a problem with letting him have his space whenever he wanted it. i agreed, but thought it would've been nice if he'd let me know he needed space instead of assuming I would know, especially since I hadn't done anything to cause him to avoid me. He thought I should've just taken the hint. LOL. Bwahahaha! AND he thought I was being petty by deleting him as a facebook friend. It showed that I was "not mature, too 'in my feelings', and way too clingy", which was laughable. His perception was that I was expecting him to 'sweat me' and 'be all up on me' like 'other bamma ass n*ggas on POF' but 'he ain't that dude' so I basically needed to leave him alone since my expectations were unreal. Personally, i feel that if we're talking every day, multiple times a day, because we BOTH want to, and one of us just stops suddenly without warning or explanation...that's a red flag and, yes, cause for confusion. But again, i've proven time and again that I am not the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to some things...so it could just be me. His last words were "so yeah, I'ma make this my goodbye." Click. *bursts into laughter*
Damn, he was cute too. *smh*
If it wasn't so daggone funny, I would have been offended. My girlfriend Stevie and I had a seriously good time laughing about it over drinks, though.
Because I'm going back in time to tell these tales, some of the details are a little fuzzy. I can't remember if I met Greg by sending him a message first, or if he sent me one first. Either way, we ended up playing POF email tag as usual. Unlike the others, with Greg, it took off really fast. The turnaround time for POF emails for me is usually about 1-2 days but with him, he was ON IT! No sooner than I'd send them, he'd reply immediately, each time. Greg was a talker, and I loved that. He was smart, articulate, witty, funny, LIGHT SKINNEDEDED, tall (6'3"), and he had beautiful teeth. (ting!) He didn't have any children, but came from a big family and eventually wanted a couple of his own kids (which for me is a no-no cuz I'ont want no more damn kids). He was self employed, really into boxing, and had a knack for working with computer hardware. I wasn't too thrilled that he lived in Oxon Hill--not because I have a problem with Oxon Hill but because my ex who I once loved enough to hate lived in Oxon Hill so there's a bad memory attached to that area--but he was originally from uptown (NW,DC--again, just like my hated ex) so I gave him a pass. LOL.
Greg and I met and hit it off from the start. He was a smart mouthed fireball just like me and we had the most interesting debates and discussions. I loved every minute of it, lol. As we got to know each other more, it became clear that we were digging each other...but were both cautious and trying not to rush things. Because we met during the heavy snowstorms of 2009/2010, we didn't really get a chance to hang out much. Between work, school, Isayah, boxing practice, and the damn snow, it was just impossible. So, we relied on talking, texting, and video chatting. *sighing, remembering those beautiful teeth*
After a few weeks, I noticed Greg began to distance himself. When I'd ask, he'd say that nothing was wrong he was just in 'the zone', which was cool and understandable. We didn't get to talk much now that he was in the zone, but since we were facebook friends, I was always updated on his goingsons (and yes, that's a word Kakuna). More and more, he would call and text less until whole days would go by without a word from him...but he was always on facebook.
One day, after I hadn't heard from him in a bout a week, I ventured back to the POF site. I hadn't been on there since he and I had begun talking earnestly, so i was surprised to see that he was signed in too. *hmmm.....* Now, don't get me wrong. I completely understand that he may have been still keeping his options open and talking to other chicks. No problem. But...what happened to me? Did he suddenly change his mind and opt not to clue me in? maybe I missed the memo. I went back and read over our texts, looking for some sign that he'd lost interest; maybe I'd overlooked something. Nope. I didn't see anything unusual, except the dates when he texted had begun to space out significantly. :-( i was very confused.
One night in particular, i got stuck in the snow driving home from my grandmother's house and I called him to see if he could come 'rescue' me so I wouldn't be stranded. When he answered, his tone was COMPLETELY flat and uninterested. *wide eyes* Still confused, i kept asking if everything was okay, which seemed to annoy him. When he asked what I was up to, i told him my car had stalled in the snow, and *jokingly* cried out for his help (oh, the drama)...to which he responded "um, nah, i'm kinda busy right now. there's an x-box tournament goin on right now, and I'm winning." I wasn't entirely sure if he was joking or not, so I kinda laughed...and so did he...then he hung up. Eventually, i made my way home, and promptly deleted him from my facebook friends list. The following Monday, I got a text asking how I was, how was my day, etc...I responded with maybe 3 dry ass words, and eventually the texts stopped.
That same day, i met another guy on POF named *Justin. We chatted for a few days and agreed to meet for dinner and a movie the upcoming weekend. During that date, I got a call from Greg which I sent to voicemail. He left a message, and I called back once I left the theater. LOL, we both ran around the bush about 1000 times before finally discussing what had happened. Apparently, he'd been having some personal issues and didn't feel like being bothered. He felt that I was being too needy by wanting to continue our daily communication, and should not have a problem with letting him have his space whenever he wanted it. i agreed, but thought it would've been nice if he'd let me know he needed space instead of assuming I would know, especially since I hadn't done anything to cause him to avoid me. He thought I should've just taken the hint. LOL. Bwahahaha! AND he thought I was being petty by deleting him as a facebook friend. It showed that I was "not mature, too 'in my feelings', and way too clingy", which was laughable. His perception was that I was expecting him to 'sweat me' and 'be all up on me' like 'other bamma ass n*ggas on POF' but 'he ain't that dude' so I basically needed to leave him alone since my expectations were unreal. Personally, i feel that if we're talking every day, multiple times a day, because we BOTH want to, and one of us just stops suddenly without warning or explanation...that's a red flag and, yes, cause for confusion. But again, i've proven time and again that I am not the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to some things...so it could just be me. His last words were "so yeah, I'ma make this my goodbye." Click. *bursts into laughter*
Damn, he was cute too. *smh*
If it wasn't so daggone funny, I would have been offended. My girlfriend Stevie and I had a seriously good time laughing about it over drinks, though.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Really Brandon? o_O
It has been a loooooong time since I've posted about my misadventures on POF! I'm so sorry for the delay; I think I had to put POF on the back burner because it was too out of control and I couldn't deal.
Anyway, here's the update:
As most of you know, I met a guy who I'll call *Brandon a few months back. He seemed very cool initially. Open, funny, graduated from VA State University (which should've been my first red flag, but I digress), and owned his own home here in DC. We spent hours and hours just talking and getting to know one another and I found that I thoroughly enjoyed his conversation. He has kids (a girl, and a boy who actually isn't his but his ex's that he voluntarily raises as his own though they are no longer together.) so we ended up sharing alot of our parenting woes and joys during our talks. When it came time to meet, I was very nervous, thinking perhaps he'd tricked me, and would look nothing like his picture. He actually looked exactly like his picture, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. After a few weeks, some things began to feel..."off" about Brandon. I would notice inconsistencies in some of the stories he'd tell me, or he'd make plans, then break them, though the plans were his idea. When I'd ask him about this, he'd say things like "Yeah, I'm a big ball of contradictions most of the time...you just never know with me." Wait...What? What bothered me was that he seemed proud of it. Like....being a constant contradiction was an asset. *blinks* Ooook. Whatever.
One random Sunday he called, very upset that his son had chipped his tooth during a game of basketball. his FRONT tooth. He seemed INCREDIBLY embarrassed about it, and couldn't wait to get to the dentist the next day to get it repaired. He ended up coming over later that evening and it didn't look so bad.
After the dentist's visit, he was told he couldn't simply get the tooth repaired but would need an implant (which means the entire tooth would have to be pulled). However, the implant couldn't be performed for another 5-6 days so he'd have to walk around missing that tooth for a while. He threw a damn tantrum about that hole every.single.day and I too couldn't wait for him to have the surgery. The day of the surgery arrived and after a bunch of long conversations with the dentist, he ended up not getting the implant. They were making him wait longer....and he was PISSED. I was too because I thought "wait...am I still expected to go out with him with his teeth looking like that??" *blink. blink* http://www.notagoodlook.com/
So, instead of going out, I invited him over for dinner and a movie a few nights later. LOL, I seriously made him sit and watch The Notebook (loves it!) and at the end, i could tell his punk ass was tearing up and trying to hold it back. I clowned him MERCILESSLY about that isht! After the movie, we sat on the couch and talked and eventually, we kissed. He wasn't a bad kisser at all. At some point, I got up to go to my bedroom, and after a few minutes, he followed me in (but to his credit, he did yell for permission to enter before he came in). So, we're sitting on the bed, and there's more kissing...and he tries to lean me back...and I wasn't goin for it. We both kinda laughed about it, and got up to go back into the living room. (For whatever stupid reason that escapes my memory at the moment) I clicked the light off in the bedroom as we exited, but turned the corner to grab a blanket and a scarf from my linen closet ...and as I stroll past the bedroom door again....I see his shadow, standing just inside the bedroom door. But he wasn't saying anything. He was just standing there...verrrrry very still...and he was doing something with his hand. (I'm cracking up as I recount this story, but at the time, I was H.E.A.T.E.D)
I say "uh, Brandon...?WTF are you doing? And why aren't you saying anything??" He says "Man, A, you got me so turned on...those lips...mmm...I gotta take care of myself before I explode...*grunt/moan*" (I don't know why but I am CRACKING UP at this now. It's really not funny, cuz dude could've really been psychotic and dangerous and it would've been all my fault. I think it's just the grossness of the fact that this actually happened to me, IN REAL LIFE.)
He is actually, TRULY, in REAL LIFE, standing in my bedroom, in the dark, stroking himself. Without a word.
Really? Really, Sir? I have no words.
The closest thing that I could grab in the dark was, like, a shoe, and a clothes hanger. And it was with those two items that I tried to decapitate and maim him, all the way to and out of my front door. Oddly, though, that wasn't my first response. Initially, I thought "if this were an episode of CSI/Criminal Minds/The Craigslist Killer, what could I do differently than the bitch that gets murked at the end?" So, I backed out of the room very slowly at first, speaking in hushed tones until he was out in the living room and close to the door. And THEN I tried to decapitate him. There was a lot of screaming and cursing and swinging. And apologizing (on his part).
The crazy, weird thing was that I didn't feel threatened or in danger...just creeped out that he felt _________ (whatever it was he felt) enough to do something so intimate and personal, so randomly, IN MY BEDROOM IN THE DARK. it was so gross. I can laugh about it now, but its still really creepy.
I didn't talk to him for a long time after that. He called but I didn't answer. Then, one day he called and left a vm saying that he needed to talk to me, that it was important. So, I called back. He asked if we could meet (in a public place) to talk. After much persuasion, I agreed. It was so awkward and uncomfortable being around him again. And at that point, I was so not into him anymore that I immediately noticed things about him that I'd probably overlooked before. Like how his stomach hung over his belt when he walked. Like how dirty his finger nails are AND how they're all long, like a pimp's pinky nail. We ended up going to brunch, and he explained to me that his mom had just been (basically) evicted from her condo. Her landlord hadn't been paying the mortgage and the condo had gone into foreclosure but the landlord hadn't said a WORD. His mom found out about it 2 days prior because a potential buyer had come by to view the condo...just showed up at the door like "yeah, uh, I'm here to see the space and measure it for my furniture..." and his mother was like "uh, What the hell are you talking about?" *Can you imagine???*
He was so upset for his mom, but more for himself because his mother was moving in with him now that she had no place to live. Though he was a dick, I did feel bad for him so I chose not to bring up the trifling isht he'd done last I saw him. I listened, I did my best to sympathize, and we left. The ride home was excruciating. Tension, awkwardness, discomfort. So, to cut it, he began talking. WRONG MOVE. As he spoke, I turned to look at him...and thats when I noticed that he had a rotten tooth on the side of his mouth. I stared straight into it, transfixed; I just couldn't look away. I was undone. Wait...I'm sorry...do you have the NERVE to have rotten teeth ON TOP OF missing a front tooth, Sir? If we were not on 495 and so far from my house on a Sunday when I KNEW no one else would get up to come get me, I'd have bailed out of that Navigator while it was still moving. STRAIGHT tuck and roll. How had I missed all these things about him??? WTF was wrong with me for all those months?? Once we reached my apt, I was so disgusted I could barely even look at him to say goodbye. So I gave that fool a head nod, grabbed my bag and umbrella, and took that long walk back up the hill to my apt. Never again will I agree to meet a guy from POF without seeing pics of him smiling, with ALL his teeth showing, doing a full background check for signs of sexual deviance, and a full neuro scan.
Sigh. That was a bad Sunday. :-(
*Just in case you didn't know, Brandon is not his real name and I changed it to protect his privacy...though I'd like to use his real name to protect some other sister from being subjected to his yuckmouth ass since he clearly doesn't list "poor oral hygiene" on his POF profile.
Anyway, here's the update:
As most of you know, I met a guy who I'll call *Brandon a few months back. He seemed very cool initially. Open, funny, graduated from VA State University (which should've been my first red flag, but I digress), and owned his own home here in DC. We spent hours and hours just talking and getting to know one another and I found that I thoroughly enjoyed his conversation. He has kids (a girl, and a boy who actually isn't his but his ex's that he voluntarily raises as his own though they are no longer together.) so we ended up sharing alot of our parenting woes and joys during our talks. When it came time to meet, I was very nervous, thinking perhaps he'd tricked me, and would look nothing like his picture. He actually looked exactly like his picture, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. After a few weeks, some things began to feel..."off" about Brandon. I would notice inconsistencies in some of the stories he'd tell me, or he'd make plans, then break them, though the plans were his idea. When I'd ask him about this, he'd say things like "Yeah, I'm a big ball of contradictions most of the time...you just never know with me." Wait...What? What bothered me was that he seemed proud of it. Like....being a constant contradiction was an asset. *blinks* Ooook. Whatever.
One random Sunday he called, very upset that his son had chipped his tooth during a game of basketball. his FRONT tooth. He seemed INCREDIBLY embarrassed about it, and couldn't wait to get to the dentist the next day to get it repaired. He ended up coming over later that evening and it didn't look so bad.
After the dentist's visit, he was told he couldn't simply get the tooth repaired but would need an implant (which means the entire tooth would have to be pulled). However, the implant couldn't be performed for another 5-6 days so he'd have to walk around missing that tooth for a while. He threw a damn tantrum about that hole every.single.day and I too couldn't wait for him to have the surgery. The day of the surgery arrived and after a bunch of long conversations with the dentist, he ended up not getting the implant. They were making him wait longer....and he was PISSED. I was too because I thought "wait...am I still expected to go out with him with his teeth looking like that??" *blink. blink* http://www.notagoodlook.com/
So, instead of going out, I invited him over for dinner and a movie a few nights later. LOL, I seriously made him sit and watch The Notebook (loves it!) and at the end, i could tell his punk ass was tearing up and trying to hold it back. I clowned him MERCILESSLY about that isht! After the movie, we sat on the couch and talked and eventually, we kissed. He wasn't a bad kisser at all. At some point, I got up to go to my bedroom, and after a few minutes, he followed me in (but to his credit, he did yell for permission to enter before he came in). So, we're sitting on the bed, and there's more kissing...and he tries to lean me back...and I wasn't goin for it. We both kinda laughed about it, and got up to go back into the living room. (For whatever stupid reason that escapes my memory at the moment) I clicked the light off in the bedroom as we exited, but turned the corner to grab a blanket and a scarf from my linen closet ...and as I stroll past the bedroom door again....I see his shadow, standing just inside the bedroom door. But he wasn't saying anything. He was just standing there...verrrrry very still...and he was doing something with his hand. (I'm cracking up as I recount this story, but at the time, I was H.E.A.T.E.D)
I say "uh, Brandon...?WTF are you doing? And why aren't you saying anything??" He says "Man, A, you got me so turned on...those lips...mmm...I gotta take care of myself before I explode...*grunt/moan*" (I don't know why but I am CRACKING UP at this now. It's really not funny, cuz dude could've really been psychotic and dangerous and it would've been all my fault. I think it's just the grossness of the fact that this actually happened to me, IN REAL LIFE.)
He is actually, TRULY, in REAL LIFE, standing in my bedroom, in the dark, stroking himself. Without a word.
Really? Really, Sir? I have no words.
The closest thing that I could grab in the dark was, like, a shoe, and a clothes hanger. And it was with those two items that I tried to decapitate and maim him, all the way to and out of my front door. Oddly, though, that wasn't my first response. Initially, I thought "if this were an episode of CSI/Criminal Minds/The Craigslist Killer, what could I do differently than the bitch that gets murked at the end?" So, I backed out of the room very slowly at first, speaking in hushed tones until he was out in the living room and close to the door. And THEN I tried to decapitate him. There was a lot of screaming and cursing and swinging. And apologizing (on his part).
The crazy, weird thing was that I didn't feel threatened or in danger...just creeped out that he felt _________ (whatever it was he felt) enough to do something so intimate and personal, so randomly, IN MY BEDROOM IN THE DARK. it was so gross. I can laugh about it now, but its still really creepy.
I didn't talk to him for a long time after that. He called but I didn't answer. Then, one day he called and left a vm saying that he needed to talk to me, that it was important. So, I called back. He asked if we could meet (in a public place) to talk. After much persuasion, I agreed. It was so awkward and uncomfortable being around him again. And at that point, I was so not into him anymore that I immediately noticed things about him that I'd probably overlooked before. Like how his stomach hung over his belt when he walked. Like how dirty his finger nails are AND how they're all long, like a pimp's pinky nail. We ended up going to brunch, and he explained to me that his mom had just been (basically) evicted from her condo. Her landlord hadn't been paying the mortgage and the condo had gone into foreclosure but the landlord hadn't said a WORD. His mom found out about it 2 days prior because a potential buyer had come by to view the condo...just showed up at the door like "yeah, uh, I'm here to see the space and measure it for my furniture..." and his mother was like "uh, What the hell are you talking about?" *Can you imagine???*
He was so upset for his mom, but more for himself because his mother was moving in with him now that she had no place to live. Though he was a dick, I did feel bad for him so I chose not to bring up the trifling isht he'd done last I saw him. I listened, I did my best to sympathize, and we left. The ride home was excruciating. Tension, awkwardness, discomfort. So, to cut it, he began talking. WRONG MOVE. As he spoke, I turned to look at him...and thats when I noticed that he had a rotten tooth on the side of his mouth. I stared straight into it, transfixed; I just couldn't look away. I was undone. Wait...I'm sorry...do you have the NERVE to have rotten teeth ON TOP OF missing a front tooth, Sir? If we were not on 495 and so far from my house on a Sunday when I KNEW no one else would get up to come get me, I'd have bailed out of that Navigator while it was still moving. STRAIGHT tuck and roll. How had I missed all these things about him??? WTF was wrong with me for all those months?? Once we reached my apt, I was so disgusted I could barely even look at him to say goodbye. So I gave that fool a head nod, grabbed my bag and umbrella, and took that long walk back up the hill to my apt. Never again will I agree to meet a guy from POF without seeing pics of him smiling, with ALL his teeth showing, doing a full background check for signs of sexual deviance, and a full neuro scan.
Sigh. That was a bad Sunday. :-(
*Just in case you didn't know, Brandon is not his real name and I changed it to protect his privacy...though I'd like to use his real name to protect some other sister from being subjected to his yuckmouth ass since he clearly doesn't list "poor oral hygiene" on his POF profile.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Misadventures on a Beautiful Day: Plenty of Fish, Day 22
Welcome back, ladies, to the ever-exciting world of Dating: Sistagirl Style. Today finds our heroine hard at pretending to work while her boss is out for the week...so we know what that means, riiight? it's PLENTY OF FISH TIIIIME! That's right gurls, today we've got mo' ignance, mo' tomfoolery, and mo' bitchassness than you can possibly consume in one work day without passing the hell out! Continue below for the wreckage...
Victim #1: Let's call him *Roderick.
Roderick is a tall muscular caramel skinned brotha with intense hazel eyes and, apparently, an appetite for thick beautiful women. At first glance, Roderick appears to have all of his teeth firmly intact, a body to die for, and according to his profile, is an avid Teena Marie fan. Unfortunately for this brotha, i am NOT a teena marie stan, so it's totally lost on me. Anywho, this was Roderick's first email to me:
"Hello I am Roderick. I am originally from philly. I am in DC now. I saw your page, and you caught my attention. I am 6'2" 235 lbs, hazel eyes, and attractive. I am educated and professionally employed. I am also a nice guy, if your interested, get back to me. Thanks"
There's something about that first line that keeps reminding me of Amistad ("Give Us Free!"), but that could just be me. I guess I'm just used to "My name is.." as opposed to "I am..". WHATEVER, I'm probably being way too picky...but would explain why my reply to that first email was "Is this a joke?". He replied no so I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. After confirming that his picture and message were, in fact real, Roderick continues with this message:
"I reside right near old town on alexandria. where in alexandria are you located? Are you single, live alone, kids, etc...? What are you attracted to in a man, physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually? what are you looking for or open to? what are your likes, dislikes, sexual turn ons, offs, etc...? What puts a smile on your face? what do you do for a living?"
Because I'm me, I tend to analyze things TO DEATH. I wasn't turned off by his choice of questions, but I did find it strange that he threw sex right in with everything else, off the break. I wondered if he was playing his cards a little too soon...But, again, i wasn't turned off...so I replied that I, too, lived in Alexandria; I have a son who's 9 and also plays little league football (his profile mentions that he's a little league football coach); i'm open to meeting someone who's honest, funny, not at all boring, confident, and emotionally strong; sexually, I like to think outside of the box and keep things interesting; my likes and dislikes are too many to list, but I'm an Eagles fan and I've never been to Miami so I'd like to travel there next. <-------my entire response, summarized.
To which he responded, lol:
"Well, as for me. besides an obvious facial and physical attraction, she needs to be intelligent, mentally and emotionally stable, a good listener, and a good heart. She needs to be educated, not neccessarily degree'd, but at least someone with a worldly outlook on life. She needs to be a relatively happy woman. One that is comfortable in her own skin, with her mentality, aswell as her emotions. She needs to be comfortable with her sexuality, as well as have a high drive and appetite. She needs to be giving. In laymens terms, a lady in the street and a slut in the bedroom. Perfection, lol. So, tell me, how do you compare to what I look for? "
Bwahahahaha! I bolded that last question, just because I thought it hilarious that he got right to it. You gotta admire a brotha who doesn't mince words. Haha, he may as well have just said "look, b*tch...are we f*ckin or NOT?" But, I humored him just cuz I ain't got shit else to do, and I replied that, though I didn't think he was looking for anything extraordinary, I did notice how he answered none of the questions that I'd asked him...but was VERY concerned with how I measured up to his standards...and asked if there was any particular reason why he was being so evasive if he was, in fact, as giving as he'd said he was. (SB: now keep in mind, I'm not being selfish by not posting my entire responses, only his. I'm just really long winded and this is already gonna be a long entry so I had to summarize mine.) At this point in the convo, I've asked him what team he coaches for, where he recommends I go in Miami, which hotel he works for, what his movie likes and dislikes are, AND if he's ever been to California? To which he replied:
*giggling @ how stupid men are*
""I have to ask though...What are you into sexually? I mean to say, what do you like to do and have done to you?, ie straight, oral (giving or recieving), anal, positions,etc...?How active are you presently? when was the lasttime?Ok, since I did go there, its only fair to answer as well. Well as far as me, I am into pleasing my partner.I mean its really about her being happy and satified, which includes climaxing as often as possible lolI am old school, if I can't eat it I don't want it. I love to go down on my woman, mmm mmm LOVE IT!!!!,well if I feel her like that.I am open to anything that doesn't involve invading holes in my body lol feel me?I like doggie, 69, being ridden is the best, especially flat footed, deeper penetration that way. I like my woman that likes sex and is very sensual. I also prefer a woman that understands the differences between the ways men and women view sex and love.That understands that if you have a man, not a dog mind you, but a man, that the more he has sex with you, that its actually a good thing. In a world where we as men are some what emotionally repressed, its one of the main ways we show emotion and love, through sexually pleasing our woman thereby getting approval and confidence that she is happy and into us.Most women miss this point,but in truth, if I love my woman, there isn't a moment of any day where I wouldn't rather be inside her, pleasing her than doing anything else.I had the one, but unfortunately for me, or us, she chose otherwise. I can be happy with the right one, and be thrilled if she is all I want, and thats not that hard...." -------------sorry, i had to cut it there because my insides are about to burst if I laugh any harder. I can't TAKE it!!
Wait, wha? What does ANY of that have to do with A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G?? Like, WHO ARE YOU?? Am I being punked??
It concludes with my reply [the only short one besides the first two]:
"Again, still no answers to the questions I've asked you, yet a lot of volunteered information that I did not ask for...which is a bad sign. Thanks, but no thanks.
Take care and good luck in your search for The One.
Goodbye."
Of course, immediately after that, he floods my inbox with a thousand answers to every question I asked, claiming he sent those answers in a second SEPARATE email and doesn't understand why I didn't get that separate email...
*side eye* followed immediately by *small eyes* and then a combination of *boo/hiss/boo!* while *rolling my eyes*. I can't take it. I just can't. All I can do is shake my head....And LMBAO!!
WHEW! I tell you, these guys make me wanna RUN and find a mentor for my son A.S.A.P.
Y'all stay tuned for the next episode where we meet *Brandon, the sensitive and chubby computer guy with a secret behind his smile...
*Name has been changed to protect theasshole's subject's privacy.
Victim #1: Let's call him *Roderick.
Roderick is a tall muscular caramel skinned brotha with intense hazel eyes and, apparently, an appetite for thick beautiful women. At first glance, Roderick appears to have all of his teeth firmly intact, a body to die for, and according to his profile, is an avid Teena Marie fan. Unfortunately for this brotha, i am NOT a teena marie stan, so it's totally lost on me. Anywho, this was Roderick's first email to me:
"Hello I am Roderick. I am originally from philly. I am in DC now. I saw your page, and you caught my attention. I am 6'2" 235 lbs, hazel eyes, and attractive. I am educated and professionally employed. I am also a nice guy, if your interested, get back to me. Thanks"
There's something about that first line that keeps reminding me of Amistad ("Give Us Free!"), but that could just be me. I guess I'm just used to "My name is.." as opposed to "I am..". WHATEVER, I'm probably being way too picky...but would explain why my reply to that first email was "Is this a joke?". He replied no so I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. After confirming that his picture and message were, in fact real, Roderick continues with this message:
"I reside right near old town on alexandria. where in alexandria are you located? Are you single, live alone, kids, etc...? What are you attracted to in a man, physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually? what are you looking for or open to? what are your likes, dislikes, sexual turn ons, offs, etc...? What puts a smile on your face? what do you do for a living?"
Because I'm me, I tend to analyze things TO DEATH. I wasn't turned off by his choice of questions, but I did find it strange that he threw sex right in with everything else, off the break. I wondered if he was playing his cards a little too soon...But, again, i wasn't turned off...so I replied that I, too, lived in Alexandria; I have a son who's 9 and also plays little league football (his profile mentions that he's a little league football coach); i'm open to meeting someone who's honest, funny, not at all boring, confident, and emotionally strong; sexually, I like to think outside of the box and keep things interesting; my likes and dislikes are too many to list, but I'm an Eagles fan and I've never been to Miami so I'd like to travel there next. <-------my entire response, summarized.
To which he responded, lol:
"Well, as for me. besides an obvious facial and physical attraction, she needs to be intelligent, mentally and emotionally stable, a good listener, and a good heart. She needs to be educated, not neccessarily degree'd, but at least someone with a worldly outlook on life. She needs to be a relatively happy woman. One that is comfortable in her own skin, with her mentality, aswell as her emotions. She needs to be comfortable with her sexuality, as well as have a high drive and appetite. She needs to be giving. In laymens terms, a lady in the street and a slut in the bedroom. Perfection, lol. So, tell me, how do you compare to what I look for? "
Bwahahahaha! I bolded that last question, just because I thought it hilarious that he got right to it. You gotta admire a brotha who doesn't mince words. Haha, he may as well have just said "look, b*tch...are we f*ckin or NOT?" But, I humored him just cuz I ain't got shit else to do, and I replied that, though I didn't think he was looking for anything extraordinary, I did notice how he answered none of the questions that I'd asked him...but was VERY concerned with how I measured up to his standards...and asked if there was any particular reason why he was being so evasive if he was, in fact, as giving as he'd said he was. (SB: now keep in mind, I'm not being selfish by not posting my entire responses, only his. I'm just really long winded and this is already gonna be a long entry so I had to summarize mine.) At this point in the convo, I've asked him what team he coaches for, where he recommends I go in Miami, which hotel he works for, what his movie likes and dislikes are, AND if he's ever been to California? To which he replied:
*giggling @ how stupid men are*
""I have to ask though...What are you into sexually? I mean to say, what do you like to do and have done to you?, ie straight, oral (giving or recieving), anal, positions,etc...?How active are you presently? when was the lasttime?Ok, since I did go there, its only fair to answer as well. Well as far as me, I am into pleasing my partner.I mean its really about her being happy and satified, which includes climaxing as often as possible lolI am old school, if I can't eat it I don't want it. I love to go down on my woman, mmm mmm LOVE IT!!!!,well if I feel her like that.I am open to anything that doesn't involve invading holes in my body lol feel me?I like doggie, 69, being ridden is the best, especially flat footed, deeper penetration that way. I like my woman that likes sex and is very sensual. I also prefer a woman that understands the differences between the ways men and women view sex and love.That understands that if you have a man, not a dog mind you, but a man, that the more he has sex with you, that its actually a good thing. In a world where we as men are some what emotionally repressed, its one of the main ways we show emotion and love, through sexually pleasing our woman thereby getting approval and confidence that she is happy and into us.Most women miss this point,but in truth, if I love my woman, there isn't a moment of any day where I wouldn't rather be inside her, pleasing her than doing anything else.I had the one, but unfortunately for me, or us, she chose otherwise. I can be happy with the right one, and be thrilled if she is all I want, and thats not that hard...." -------------sorry, i had to cut it there because my insides are about to burst if I laugh any harder. I can't TAKE it!!
Wait, wha? What does ANY of that have to do with A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G?? Like, WHO ARE YOU?? Am I being punked??
It concludes with my reply [the only short one besides the first two]:
"Again, still no answers to the questions I've asked you, yet a lot of volunteered information that I did not ask for...which is a bad sign. Thanks, but no thanks.
Take care and good luck in your search for The One.
Goodbye."
Of course, immediately after that, he floods my inbox with a thousand answers to every question I asked, claiming he sent those answers in a second SEPARATE email and doesn't understand why I didn't get that separate email...
*side eye* followed immediately by *small eyes* and then a combination of *boo/hiss/boo!* while *rolling my eyes*. I can't take it. I just can't. All I can do is shake my head....And LMBAO!!
WHEW! I tell you, these guys make me wanna RUN and find a mentor for my son A.S.A.P.
Y'all stay tuned for the next episode where we meet *Brandon, the sensitive and chubby computer guy with a secret behind his smile...
*Name has been changed to protect the
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