Dating and The Single Mom

So, how do you feel about dating as a single parent? I am in the middle of transitioning into almost no dating at all. It is difficult finding time to have a social life and still be a good parent (the understatement of the year, I know.) , especially when you have relatively high standards.

I'm finding that, as I get older, I'm becoming more aware of myself, my needs, and yes, my faults (yes, I have them. SHOCKING, I know...). This awareness makes it much easier to be ready to date. I feel...more prepared somehow. Armed, if you will. I think I fought being a single parent for so long because I wasn't willing to have these standards. Not willing to think about how the person I may be dating will affect my son's life...how he will be impacted. I wanted to find a man for my very own, to fill my own needs, to be here for me....damn everyone else. It had more to do with growing up being treated like a stepchild and always having to share my stuff, my life, my everything but having no one share any of their stuff with me. I hated sharing growing up. I ALWAYS had to give my stuff away for one reason or another...but there was not a SOUL to give me ANYTHING. and I just had to deal with it. So, as an adult, when i found something (or searched for something) that I wanted to be mine, my mind would shut everything else out and just focus on me and my own needs. If it didn't fit in with anyone else's needs, then...oh well. (i know.)
It took me a WHILE to grow out of that selfishness. There are definitely times when I'd like to revert back to it, lol, but I don't. Now that I've been around the dating block a few times, there are just certain things I won't let into my life, certain people that can't even break the barrier. My life is, officially, the bat cave in my dating life. I find that so many guys don't respect the single mom code; maybe they don't understand it. But, we've all seen Jerry Maguire. You can't shop lift the pooty. It's wrong on so many levels. Dating a single parent--not just a mom-- is sacred because of the children involved. And single parents hold their potential dates to a much different standard (the good ones do, anyway).
Not only do we have to sort thru the regular bullshit that other single people do, but we have to hold this person up to a light bulb and comb them with the finest tooth comb sold on the market. They must pass to the microscopic inspection. ESPECIALLY moms with boys. Its so critical to be sure that the man ur bringing into your life is not only good enough to be the king of your castle and the head of YOUR household....not only must he be financially able, attractive, funny, trustworthy, and kind. But He must be firm enough to be assertive and/or aggressive when necessary, he MUST know how to lay the pipe, and he must also respect the bond shared with you and the child prior to his arrival. Oh, and he has to have good personal hygiene. You'd think that's a given but you'd be SOOOO surprised. I also have to make sure he's trustworthy around my son, that he won't fill his mind with all sorts of nonsense when I'm not around, and that he'll teach him how to be a REAL man...that he's available enough (emotionally and otherwise) to open himself up to the scrutiny of an impressionable 9 year old....and show himself to be a standup guy. Not a real ni**a, but a real MAN. there's a whole lotta difference. And I can't proceed until I know that HE knows the difference.

NO BA, NO BS, NO BB:

No Bitchassness
No Bullshit
No Bad Breath

NO WAY, NO HOW.

*whew* i'm tired for this man already, lol. unfortunately for lame ass dudes, these are things I can't compromise on so they will get passed on each and every time. Nope. Thanks, but I'll pass.

We're heading into autumn which means football practice, school is in session, dance classes start soon, and I'll be working on photo shoots more than weddings. There could be room for dating--especially since this is the perfect season for bunning up with someone who's incredibly sexy and smells yummo, lol. But, truthfully, I'm okay with taking my time right now. I have a potential in mind; we're taking it a day at a time. I'm famous for rushing in and getting in over my head (lmao) but after how my LAST relationship ended, I'm willing to wait and do it right.

IN the meantime, I'm enrolling my son in as many athletic, mentor, and performance programs as I can find and afford. lol, you know me: when all else fails, lose yourself in your work. Hey, it takes up time, it wears you out, its productive...don't knock it till you've tried it. It kills SO many birds with only one stone.

Any thoughts?