I debated for a while over whether or not I would blog about this because it's kinda...well, actually, its really...welll...its friggin gross. Ugh.
About a year ago, I first learned about colonics and colon cleansing. One of my fellow DC Sista Girls mentioned searching for a good colon cleanser, and I was clueless so i headed over to "i don't know what the hell that means so lemme go look it up" central. Yep. www.google.com.
Turns out, the colon is where all the *gag* waste from your food is stored inside your body. And here I am, stupid, thinking that when I, ahem, go to the bathroom...I got rid of everything in storage. NOT so. Ha! not even CLOSE.
After sifting through many websites that promised to give me a bright and shiny brand spanking new freshly cleaned colon *double gag*, I landed at www.blessedherbs.com.
This site offered a Colon Cleansing Kit and an Internal Cleansing Kit. They both sounded way too much for me, but I continued to read on. I honestly didn't realize that colon cleansing was so involved. Admittedly, I had no idea what the colon was, or what it actually looked like or what its function was prior to that time. Just ignorant for no damn reason. *shakin my head*
Once I saw those pictures (if you went to the site, you know which pictures I'm talkin about), I promptly x'd out of that site and immediately decided not to revisit any time soon. Absolutely gross. Blech.
Now, understand that, at this time I was about 20-25 pounds lighter, way more active, and not quite as mature as I am today *smiling* so it was easy for me to ignore the concept of my needing a colon cleanse.
Today? Not so much. not at ALL.
Lol, I come from a very Southern family that does NOT believe in anything but the healing power of the Lord Jesus Christ. So, if you got a problem, pray about it. Doctors, not so much. Alternative medicines, definitely not. Herbs, Reiki, Yoga, Holistic therapy...maaaan, HELL naw. You live, you eat what you want, you do what you want, you work hard, pray hard, then you die. Period. Needless to say, my family is (and for those that have passed, was) riddled with all types of diseases, most of which they refuse to get treated for. Personally, I don't take medicine unless I think I'm dying. Seriously, I just don't like to take it,especially pills. i almost always choke on them; liquid medicine tastes disgusting, too. Yes, it's childish, I'm aware. It won't change. let it go. No really, let it go, lol.
So, a few months ago, when it became increasingly more difficult to ignore the heaviness I felt when walking, running (yeah, right), climbing stairs, or even playing tag with my son...I knew it was time to think outside of the box and pay closer attention to my body. I've always been one to take my good health for granted. I figure, we all gotta die of something, right? (shuddup) But, I hated that feeling. After i moved into my new apt, it was a BITCH gettin up that hill to the door everyday. Bringing in the groceries felt like double the chore it ALREADY is...so sometimes, some of them damn groceries got left in the car, lol. (shuddup)
Anyway, so off I go, looking for a way to really get moving. Another of my DCSGs is a personal trainer, so I spoke with her about what I should do. Of course, she told me I needed to exercise more, get my metabolism moving, etc. I wanted to, but I was still filled with excuses...so I never made it to any of her classes. In my own defense, I was really busy at the time; plus I didn't have the money. **Big shout out to Lisa Lofty A.K.A. LOBO of LOBO Fitness www.lobofitness.com **
I put it off for another few months, and then finally, at the end of the summer...I went back to that website. Big Sigh. I went. I looked at those pictures. I read the testimonials. Again. The Cleanse requires a 5 day liquids-only fast. Wait...What? For 5 whole days, i can't eat? I CAN'T EAT?? Nope. Not ready. I'm not ready. But...what about this heaviness each time i walk? Its not gonna go away on it's own.
*here is where you insert the face you make the moment you realize you have to do something you really don't want to do, are not even sure you're capable of doing...but have to anyway, not because someone else is making you do it, but because the potential consequences of not doing it may be too scary for you to deal with.
Yep. Insert that face, for me, riiiiiiight.......here: ________.
Boo. Hisssss...
Luckily this time, they'd made it virtually IMPOSSIBLE not to get the kit. Not only was it on sale, down from 189.00 to 89.50 (i love recession pricing), but NOW they're offering to practically give it to me for free! If I purchase the colon cleansing kit, and I don't acheive the results it promises, I pay nothing but the shipping it cost to get it to me. Wait....What? I was already skeptical to begin with...now they're daring me to get it. Taunting me, even. The bastids.
Hmph.
So, I order the colon cleansing kit on Friday. It arrives on Tuesday. The instructions say that I have to do a 3 day Pre-Cleanse to prepare my body, which is more comforting. i'm to gradually decrease my food intake each day, until I finally (big gulp) go to liquids-only on the 4th day.
For a moment, I paused. Was I really ready to commit to this? I know it may seem to-some of you-that I'm making a huge deal out of this...but I'm a food addict. Seriously. Food is my vice, my crutch, my one and only comfort in this life that can get abominably dreary at times. The only way I'd be willing to give up food is if I were trapped in a cave guarded by clowns covered in camel crickets and toads on an island surrounded by brown pirahna-infested water that may or may not be harboring the Swine Flu....and the food was stored in a helicopter that so happened to be dangling a rescue ladder OVER the brown water. Its that serious. I mean, it must be eat or death. I felt I couldn't even give up food if Isayah's life depended on it...because if it came down to it, and I got hungry enough, i MIGHT just eat HIS ass if I had to. So, could I really conquer my bad eating habits enough to make this mental commitment. I've always been aware that its all mental; I've just never cared enough to give up the one thing that makes me just as happy, if not happier, than doing makeup in order to make that mental commitment.
But, the kit was already there. So, I had to do it.
BIG SIGH.
Read here for the day to day breakdown...
Sunday, September 6, 2009
pre-cleanse
Ok, here goes:
Pre-Cleanse, Day 1:
The idea is to get your *triple gag* bowels moving, and prepared for the huge amount of elimination that's about to take place in the next couple of days. The kit provides "Digestive Stimulators" to this effect. They are the size of HORSE PILLS, just so we're clear. I could be exaggerating for dramatic effect, but to me, they were horse pills. Anyway, I was instructed to study the Digestive Stimulator Dosage chart, match my normal level of regularity with the amount of stimulators listed, and take that amount. Mine was 2, thank GOD. I had to take two of these before bed, with the desired result being 3-4 soft movements the next day. Once things get moving, I was to take 1 Toxin Absorber with apple juice before my last meal of the day. The toxin absorber is just as it sounds: basically, finely ground Psyllium husk that goes inside your colon and binds to the mucoid plaque that's attached itself to the lining of your colon/intestines.
That first day of pre-cleanse, I had to eat only 3/4 of what I would normally eat in a day. So, for breakfast, I'd normally have 2 scrambled eggs with sharp cheddar cheese, 2 pieces of smoked sausage or 3 slices of bacon, 2 pieces of toast with Smart Balance, and either grits or 3 pancakes. (I shudder to think, now, of eating all that food. I'm *literally* gagging just thinking about it.) For breakfast that morning, I had 2 pieces of toast with Smart Balance and strawberry jam, and an apple. And that was breakfast. For a snack (which it's important to note that I never usually do, eat snacks, which i know is wrong) I had a fruit cup. For lunch I broke down and went to Wendy's and had a Double with Cheese...but I didn't get any fries. I got a side Caesar salad...which really wasn't a side at all because y'all know i don't eat lettuce stems (which is what Caesar Salads primarily consist of) so after I obsessively picked out all the stems and bacon pieces, added up to maybe 4 whole pieces of lettuce. For dinner, I had Burger King, I think. I don't really remember. *sorry*. A whopper (no cheese), half an order of onion rings, and 1/4 of the fruit punch. At the end of the day, just before your last meal, you're to take 1 Toxin Absorber with 8 oz of organic apple juice, then wait 2 hours and take your last set of Digestive Stimulators before bed. Done. Went to bed not knowing what to expect, but terrified that I'd sh*t on myself in my sleep if, tonight of all nights, I had that damn "pee dream" where I'm peeing in my dream cuz I have to pee so bad in real life, lol. Anyway, I went to bed, prepared for the worst.
Pre-Cleanse, Day 2:
Today, I had to eat 1/2 of the portion size I'd normally eat. Today is also the day I have to monitor my *cringe* bowel activity to make sure I go at least 3-4 times today. So, for breakfast I had 1 piece of toast with Smart Balance, and a fruit cup. I went to work, hoping to not embarrass myself when I had to go to the restroom that first (crucial) time. But, it didn't come....I attributed that to my small breakfast. And so, I waited.
For lunch, I went to Ruby Tuesday and I had 5 wings (which was a true testament to my commitment because them jokers come 12 to an order) and half a plate of salad (oil and vinegar) from the salad bar, with a glass of water. Normally, I'd have a full order of wings, some fries, and a strawberry lemonade. I figured that since I had a lunch that was larger than breakfast, I'd at least go to the bathroom once. But...nothing...again. I was tempted to eat the rest of my wings to encourage my bowels to fill and force me to go....nah, lol, lemme stop bullsh*ttin...I was just lookin for an excuse to eat them damn wings. I ended up taking the rest of 'em home, to have for lunch the next day.
For dinner, I had the strongest desire to pig out on something, anything, just because my mind knew i wouldn't be eating for a long time in a matter of days. I think Michelle and I ended up having McDonald's fries for dinner that night, so i didn't pig out...but i don't normally eat McDonald's so either way it was different, but less than what I'd normally eat. they were SOOOOO FRIGGIN GOOD! By the end of the night, I still hadn't gone to the bathroom ONCE, even though I'd taken my stimulator faithfully. What happened? i referred to the booklet, and it said that no matter how long it took, no matter how many pills it took, I had to get up to 3-4 times a day before I could start the master cleanse. If I wasn't there yet, I needed to take more pills...and that, for some ppl, it took upwards of 10 pills a day. Wait, lol...What da hell?! You got the game twisted if you think I'ma take 10 of ANYTHING called a "Digestive Stimulator" and I'm fresh outta vacation days at work. I'd be in the bathroom ALL DAY! Like, i'd have to move in and start gettin my MAIL in the bathroom, dude. Not gon happen. But, i did up my dosage to 5 instead of 2. And then I prayed. Then I went to bed.
Somewhere around it's-too-damn-dark-outside-and-i'm-too-sleepy-to-check-the-time, I woke up out of a dead sleep and flew to the bathroom. Finally! 5 was my magic number. Back to bed....aaaand up again, about 2 hours later. Whoa. 5 Really was my magic number. *gas face*
Pre-Cleanse, Day 3:
This morning, I woke up and could just sense that it would be a successful day. And it was. I made my required number of trips to the restroom, and I was down to 1/4 of my normal intake of food. 1 Slice of toast for breakfast, no Smart Balance, half a cup of pudding for first snack, 4 wings for lunch, half a fruit cup for second snack, and for dinner, I must admit that I cheated a bit...I had tried to eliminate dairy from my diet early because i knew it would be the one thing I'd have difficulty with. But, Friday night--Day 3--I went to Chili's and Michelle and I ordered Texas Cheese Fries. I had half of those for dinner. It wasn't even a huge order, but I was truly surprised at how fast I got full. And I was training myself to put the fork down when I get full. It was hard, because my habit is to eat until everything is gone...so when the salad came (i dont know what made me think I could eat a full 3 course meal on Day 3), I took a look at it, and then I stared at Michelle, blinking. I took three bites, just cuz i'm used to being greedy, but I felt so foolish afterwards because i wanted to throw it up in the middle of the floor. Instead of sending it away, I asked for a box...again, don't know why cuz this was clearly my last meal of the day, lol. but, old habits are very hard to break, and I could just hear my mother's voice "don't you leave this table until your plate is clean!" so i went ahead and took it home. it did end up being my last meal for the day after all. I finished out day 3 with mixed feelings. Proud that I was doing my best version of sticking to my goals, yet with trepidation about the next 5 days. I decided that it would go smoother if I didn't think about it, just did it. So, I took my absorber, and went to bed. I actually had plans for that evening that I hadn't taken into consideration when I'd taken my last DS and TA...but I ended up not going out anyway, so it worked out for the best.
Lawd...How in the world am I gonna go 5 days without eating food??
Pre-Cleanse, Day 1:
The idea is to get your *triple gag* bowels moving, and prepared for the huge amount of elimination that's about to take place in the next couple of days. The kit provides "Digestive Stimulators" to this effect. They are the size of HORSE PILLS, just so we're clear. I could be exaggerating for dramatic effect, but to me, they were horse pills. Anyway, I was instructed to study the Digestive Stimulator Dosage chart, match my normal level of regularity with the amount of stimulators listed, and take that amount. Mine was 2, thank GOD. I had to take two of these before bed, with the desired result being 3-4 soft movements the next day. Once things get moving, I was to take 1 Toxin Absorber with apple juice before my last meal of the day. The toxin absorber is just as it sounds: basically, finely ground Psyllium husk that goes inside your colon and binds to the mucoid plaque that's attached itself to the lining of your colon/intestines.
That first day of pre-cleanse, I had to eat only 3/4 of what I would normally eat in a day. So, for breakfast, I'd normally have 2 scrambled eggs with sharp cheddar cheese, 2 pieces of smoked sausage or 3 slices of bacon, 2 pieces of toast with Smart Balance, and either grits or 3 pancakes. (I shudder to think, now, of eating all that food. I'm *literally* gagging just thinking about it.) For breakfast that morning, I had 2 pieces of toast with Smart Balance and strawberry jam, and an apple. And that was breakfast. For a snack (which it's important to note that I never usually do, eat snacks, which i know is wrong) I had a fruit cup. For lunch I broke down and went to Wendy's and had a Double with Cheese...but I didn't get any fries. I got a side Caesar salad...which really wasn't a side at all because y'all know i don't eat lettuce stems (which is what Caesar Salads primarily consist of) so after I obsessively picked out all the stems and bacon pieces, added up to maybe 4 whole pieces of lettuce. For dinner, I had Burger King, I think. I don't really remember. *sorry*. A whopper (no cheese), half an order of onion rings, and 1/4 of the fruit punch. At the end of the day, just before your last meal, you're to take 1 Toxin Absorber with 8 oz of organic apple juice, then wait 2 hours and take your last set of Digestive Stimulators before bed. Done. Went to bed not knowing what to expect, but terrified that I'd sh*t on myself in my sleep if, tonight of all nights, I had that damn "pee dream" where I'm peeing in my dream cuz I have to pee so bad in real life, lol. Anyway, I went to bed, prepared for the worst.
Pre-Cleanse, Day 2:
Today, I had to eat 1/2 of the portion size I'd normally eat. Today is also the day I have to monitor my *cringe* bowel activity to make sure I go at least 3-4 times today. So, for breakfast I had 1 piece of toast with Smart Balance, and a fruit cup. I went to work, hoping to not embarrass myself when I had to go to the restroom that first (crucial) time. But, it didn't come....I attributed that to my small breakfast. And so, I waited.
For lunch, I went to Ruby Tuesday and I had 5 wings (which was a true testament to my commitment because them jokers come 12 to an order) and half a plate of salad (oil and vinegar) from the salad bar, with a glass of water. Normally, I'd have a full order of wings, some fries, and a strawberry lemonade. I figured that since I had a lunch that was larger than breakfast, I'd at least go to the bathroom once. But...nothing...again. I was tempted to eat the rest of my wings to encourage my bowels to fill and force me to go....nah, lol, lemme stop bullsh*ttin...I was just lookin for an excuse to eat them damn wings. I ended up taking the rest of 'em home, to have for lunch the next day.
For dinner, I had the strongest desire to pig out on something, anything, just because my mind knew i wouldn't be eating for a long time in a matter of days. I think Michelle and I ended up having McDonald's fries for dinner that night, so i didn't pig out...but i don't normally eat McDonald's so either way it was different, but less than what I'd normally eat. they were SOOOOO FRIGGIN GOOD! By the end of the night, I still hadn't gone to the bathroom ONCE, even though I'd taken my stimulator faithfully. What happened? i referred to the booklet, and it said that no matter how long it took, no matter how many pills it took, I had to get up to 3-4 times a day before I could start the master cleanse. If I wasn't there yet, I needed to take more pills...and that, for some ppl, it took upwards of 10 pills a day. Wait, lol...What da hell?! You got the game twisted if you think I'ma take 10 of ANYTHING called a "Digestive Stimulator" and I'm fresh outta vacation days at work. I'd be in the bathroom ALL DAY! Like, i'd have to move in and start gettin my MAIL in the bathroom, dude. Not gon happen. But, i did up my dosage to 5 instead of 2. And then I prayed. Then I went to bed.
Somewhere around it's-too-damn-dark-outside-and-i'm-too-sleepy-to-check-the-time, I woke up out of a dead sleep and flew to the bathroom. Finally! 5 was my magic number. Back to bed....aaaand up again, about 2 hours later. Whoa. 5 Really was my magic number. *gas face*
Pre-Cleanse, Day 3:
This morning, I woke up and could just sense that it would be a successful day. And it was. I made my required number of trips to the restroom, and I was down to 1/4 of my normal intake of food. 1 Slice of toast for breakfast, no Smart Balance, half a cup of pudding for first snack, 4 wings for lunch, half a fruit cup for second snack, and for dinner, I must admit that I cheated a bit...I had tried to eliminate dairy from my diet early because i knew it would be the one thing I'd have difficulty with. But, Friday night--Day 3--I went to Chili's and Michelle and I ordered Texas Cheese Fries. I had half of those for dinner. It wasn't even a huge order, but I was truly surprised at how fast I got full. And I was training myself to put the fork down when I get full. It was hard, because my habit is to eat until everything is gone...so when the salad came (i dont know what made me think I could eat a full 3 course meal on Day 3), I took a look at it, and then I stared at Michelle, blinking. I took three bites, just cuz i'm used to being greedy, but I felt so foolish afterwards because i wanted to throw it up in the middle of the floor. Instead of sending it away, I asked for a box...again, don't know why cuz this was clearly my last meal of the day, lol. but, old habits are very hard to break, and I could just hear my mother's voice "don't you leave this table until your plate is clean!" so i went ahead and took it home. it did end up being my last meal for the day after all. I finished out day 3 with mixed feelings. Proud that I was doing my best version of sticking to my goals, yet with trepidation about the next 5 days. I decided that it would go smoother if I didn't think about it, just did it. So, I took my absorber, and went to bed. I actually had plans for that evening that I hadn't taken into consideration when I'd taken my last DS and TA...but I ended up not going out anyway, so it worked out for the best.
Lawd...How in the world am I gonna go 5 days without eating food??
day 1
Ok, so the difference between pre-cleanse and main cleanse--besides the obvious lack of solid food--is that toxin absorber must be taken 5 times a day, in lieu of meals, and digestive stimulator is only taken once a day, an hour before bed.
Saturday, this was a really easy plan because I had no plans (thanks to my wedding cancellation) and I needed to clean up anyway. Threw on my earbuds, and got to scrubbing. I was TERRIFIED. hawking my stomach, WAITING to be hungry so i could panic. *Im ridiculous, lmao*
After a moment of panic, I went ahead and stopped focusing on it. I just monitored the time to make sure I took my TA at the right times (every 3 hours from the time you wake up which, for me, was 9:45). I cleaned the whole house, went to the bathroom in intervals, and was generally okay. I had to pee at least twice every hour, but by then, I was used to that particular side effect. What I was NOT prepared for was the INTENSE BLOATING. At one point, I was actually afraid i had been secretly impregnated like Agnes but had missed the sex part of it :~(.
The bloating is still taking a while to get used to. I took a picture of my bloated stomach, but was so grossed out by it, I'll never share it. i just kept it in a secret place so I can go back and look at it when I wanna pig out on wings; I'll need this reminder of what I don't ever want my stomach to look like again.
At one point, we left and went to the mall...which was a mistake because i forgot about the food court. It was very easy to distract myself with cleaning while i was holed up in the apt; not so much when I'm on the way to the mall, passing a mcdonald's on every corner, the bertucci's in old town, Don Pablo's in Potomac Yards, Legal Seafood and Chili's in Crystal City, THE FOOD COURT in Pentagon City mall! It was worse because I had to pee so bad by the time I got to the mall, that I had to run right THROUGH the food court to get to the bathroom. Hmph. Bastids. I went to Origins, MAC, and Coach..then I was ready to go. But, of course, Michelle wanted to stay and people-watch...on the one night, I simply can't afford to lean over the banister and stare at the ppl down in the food court. I had to go. So, to take off the edge, i got a hot chocolate from Starbucks. Its the one thing I allowed myself. No whip cream, so nothing solid. on the way home, i had to pee so bad AGAIN, i contemplated just pulling up behind a random dumpster. :-( The website suggests that you won't have an overwhelming urge to run to the bathroom all the time. While that's true about the "movements", that is definitely not true about urinating. I had to drink so much liquid, it was impossible to not have to go twice an hour. That bloating was not pretty, either. But, other than that, nothing major happened on Day 1. I didn't get hungry ONCE. not.once. I was way too bloated and full of liquids to even have room to think about eating, lol.
Day 1 was a good day.
Saturday, this was a really easy plan because I had no plans (thanks to my wedding cancellation) and I needed to clean up anyway. Threw on my earbuds, and got to scrubbing. I was TERRIFIED. hawking my stomach, WAITING to be hungry so i could panic. *Im ridiculous, lmao*
After a moment of panic, I went ahead and stopped focusing on it. I just monitored the time to make sure I took my TA at the right times (every 3 hours from the time you wake up which, for me, was 9:45). I cleaned the whole house, went to the bathroom in intervals, and was generally okay. I had to pee at least twice every hour, but by then, I was used to that particular side effect. What I was NOT prepared for was the INTENSE BLOATING. At one point, I was actually afraid i had been secretly impregnated like Agnes but had missed the sex part of it :~(.
The bloating is still taking a while to get used to. I took a picture of my bloated stomach, but was so grossed out by it, I'll never share it. i just kept it in a secret place so I can go back and look at it when I wanna pig out on wings; I'll need this reminder of what I don't ever want my stomach to look like again.
At one point, we left and went to the mall...which was a mistake because i forgot about the food court. It was very easy to distract myself with cleaning while i was holed up in the apt; not so much when I'm on the way to the mall, passing a mcdonald's on every corner, the bertucci's in old town, Don Pablo's in Potomac Yards, Legal Seafood and Chili's in Crystal City, THE FOOD COURT in Pentagon City mall! It was worse because I had to pee so bad by the time I got to the mall, that I had to run right THROUGH the food court to get to the bathroom. Hmph. Bastids. I went to Origins, MAC, and Coach..then I was ready to go. But, of course, Michelle wanted to stay and people-watch...on the one night, I simply can't afford to lean over the banister and stare at the ppl down in the food court. I had to go. So, to take off the edge, i got a hot chocolate from Starbucks. Its the one thing I allowed myself. No whip cream, so nothing solid. on the way home, i had to pee so bad AGAIN, i contemplated just pulling up behind a random dumpster. :-( The website suggests that you won't have an overwhelming urge to run to the bathroom all the time. While that's true about the "movements", that is definitely not true about urinating. I had to drink so much liquid, it was impossible to not have to go twice an hour. That bloating was not pretty, either. But, other than that, nothing major happened on Day 1. I didn't get hungry ONCE. not.once. I was way too bloated and full of liquids to even have room to think about eating, lol.
Day 1 was a good day.
day 2
Day 2 is the Big Day. According to the site, Day 2 is the day when you're supposed to see major movement. by this time, the stomach is empty, bowels are empty, so anything that comes, comes from the colon.
Day 2 was much like Day 1 as far as hunger went. I wasn't really hungry until it got close to the time take the absorber. I took my absorber with apple juice, but the juice I drank for my "meals" was V8. So, all day I'd drink V8 and water, then apple juice with the absorber, which is always immediately followed by 16oz of water. And that was how my days went. Sunday was good practice for the work week because we went to Ikea and, thankfully I prepared, ended up being there for about 6.5 hours. So, I had to prepare to be gone from the house for hours at a time. I packed a water bottle filled with apple juice, a bottle of water, and while I was out i bought another apple juice. As soon as i got to Ikea, I scoped out restroom locations. It was not a game. I had to go as SOON as I got there, lol. Walking thru the store was really fun because neither of us had been there before, and it was really cool to put together furniture for my apt. towards the end, I had to pee real bad, lol, so i took off and left michelle and her friend in the bedroom section. that happened at least 4 times. *gross.* By the time we left, it was close to the time for me to take my next absorber, but I'd run out. The closer it got to that time, the hungrier I got. But THIS time, those hunger pangs came with headaches and dizziness and an earache. Unfortunately, i was driving us that day, and though I tried to tough it out, about a mile from our apt I had to pull over and let michelle drive cuz i just couldn't see .
Once I got in and took my absorber, i was totally fine though.
Michelle and her friend left to go out, and I was left alone. and, thankfully so. I was not prepared to see the things I saw in my toilet that night. *eyes closed, shaking my head*
"Unreal" is the word that comes to mind. I felt so awful that I'd been so horrible to my body all these years, piling processed food and Lord only knows what other kinds of junk into it, just assuming it would continue to work for me the way I needed it to. My poor colon. I felt genuinely, truly ashamed.
By the end of the night, I felt noticeably lighter. I didn't look any lighter, like I'd lost weight...but my stomach felt....different. And Hungry! I still had absorber to take so I went back to being bloated immediately after. But, i definitely felt different, internally. I could tell that I was in the thick of things because at that point, I was beginning to cramp right before every trip to the bathroom. That was the way I differentiated between a false alarm (gas) or a real alarm (um, not gas). I don't normally have cramping with my menstrual cycle so it is always news whenever I have cramping for whatever reason. As such, I don't know if what I experienced was equivalent to menstrual cramping or not, but it was PIERCING. Not pretty.
I was afraid to think of what might be left if that was what happened on Day 2...what else could there be??
Day 2 was much like Day 1 as far as hunger went. I wasn't really hungry until it got close to the time take the absorber. I took my absorber with apple juice, but the juice I drank for my "meals" was V8. So, all day I'd drink V8 and water, then apple juice with the absorber, which is always immediately followed by 16oz of water. And that was how my days went. Sunday was good practice for the work week because we went to Ikea and, thankfully I prepared, ended up being there for about 6.5 hours. So, I had to prepare to be gone from the house for hours at a time. I packed a water bottle filled with apple juice, a bottle of water, and while I was out i bought another apple juice. As soon as i got to Ikea, I scoped out restroom locations. It was not a game. I had to go as SOON as I got there, lol. Walking thru the store was really fun because neither of us had been there before, and it was really cool to put together furniture for my apt. towards the end, I had to pee real bad, lol, so i took off and left michelle and her friend in the bedroom section. that happened at least 4 times. *gross.* By the time we left, it was close to the time for me to take my next absorber, but I'd run out. The closer it got to that time, the hungrier I got. But THIS time, those hunger pangs came with headaches and dizziness and an earache. Unfortunately, i was driving us that day, and though I tried to tough it out, about a mile from our apt I had to pull over and let michelle drive cuz i just couldn't see .
Once I got in and took my absorber, i was totally fine though.
Michelle and her friend left to go out, and I was left alone. and, thankfully so. I was not prepared to see the things I saw in my toilet that night. *eyes closed, shaking my head*
"Unreal" is the word that comes to mind. I felt so awful that I'd been so horrible to my body all these years, piling processed food and Lord only knows what other kinds of junk into it, just assuming it would continue to work for me the way I needed it to. My poor colon. I felt genuinely, truly ashamed.
By the end of the night, I felt noticeably lighter. I didn't look any lighter, like I'd lost weight...but my stomach felt....different. And Hungry! I still had absorber to take so I went back to being bloated immediately after. But, i definitely felt different, internally. I could tell that I was in the thick of things because at that point, I was beginning to cramp right before every trip to the bathroom. That was the way I differentiated between a false alarm (gas) or a real alarm (um, not gas). I don't normally have cramping with my menstrual cycle so it is always news whenever I have cramping for whatever reason. As such, I don't know if what I experienced was equivalent to menstrual cramping or not, but it was PIERCING. Not pretty.
I was afraid to think of what might be left if that was what happened on Day 2...what else could there be??
cleanse, day 3
First work day on the Master Cleanse. Nothing went as planned today. Monday's are usually busy; today, nope. The office was supposed to be empty this week; today, nope, they're here. I switched from apple juice to pineapple juice, which is my favorite juice, so I'd expected to have a better flavor experience with the absorber; NOPE. Day 3 should be called NAUSEA day. I have been nauseated since I woke up this morning, and I didn't do anything different. Actually, no, that's a lie. Terrance and I had a small "disagreement" last night, i stayed up late talking to him, and i got stressed and ate a kitkat. *hangin my head in shame* I know, i blew it. no excuses, i just blew it. Anyway, today i'm definitely paying for it. No movement, just constipation. And nausea. and hunger. and more nausea. today it was 105 degrees outside so needless to say, i stayed inside most of the day....which meant i was freezing all day because my co-workers refuse to turn the A/C off. Today was also the day when the absorber didn't do enough to fill me up and I still felt hungry all day. Since vegetable broth is one of the liquids i'm allowed, i went to Quiznos and bought some chicken noodle soup. I only ate the broth and the little pieces of celery and carrots. The nausea and the headaches (which, on the websites, are referred to as "superficial reactions") were just too much today. My eyes were all sensitive to light, i couldn't hear properly. It was a mess. But more than that, i noticed that all movements stopped again. And I ran out of juice to take my absorber with so I'm starving...but i'm avoiding leaving work (i'm still here, blogging) because i don't yet trust myself to go straight home and just take my absorber. I"m hungry, and the absorber has begun to make me gag. i think it's because once yesterday, just before I took the last sip, I forgot to shake the jar again before I drank, so the powder had accumulated at the bottom of the jar and thickened...so that's how it went into my mouth...and i gagged. Since then, the same thing, but since i know it's totally mental, I try to override it by using extra juice for dilution and closing my eyes and nose while i drink it.
It is currently 9:48pm and I am still at work, blogging. I needed to catch up on blogs anyway, but I'll have to leave and face my fears eventually. I called my sister and confessed to her that I wanted to eat. She was very encouraging, and reminded me that I'm not a quitter, and that I should finish what I started. ESPECIALLY since I'm on Day 3 and it's almost over. I only have two more days to go. Lawd, give me strength. I'm so glad Isayah's with his dad this week cuz i couldn't take all of that at one time. I haven't taken an absorber or had anything to drink since 3:45, an hour late to boot. that was 6 hours ago. I can't believe I'm being such a punk, lol, but, its very serious for me. I feel about food the way crackheads feel about crack; its an addiction. Its not just about "oh, i love to eat too. so? doesn't everyone?". Nah, I have an emotional addiction to eating that I am aware of, and want to change before it ruins my life. And this is one of the first steps I've chosen towards that end. So, even though I live around the corner, I know---because i know me---that its so easy to say i'ma just hop in the car and drive home in the next 3 minutes...when in fact, as soon as I leave this building, my mind will begin to run down the list of all the eating places within a mile's radius, what time they close, what i can order this late at night, how much it costs, and what excuse I can use for going there. I also know that, because I'm starving right now *literally*, it wouldn't just be a meal. it'd be a complete and all out binge, and I'd order and purchase an obscene amount of food, eat it all when I get in the car, and it'll be gone before i make it to the apt. And then I'll get sick, and if not damage my stomach physically, the damage to my self-esteem from the guilt and shame of giving up and giving in might be more than a mere colon cleansing could repair. So, this is why it's 9:58 and I'm still at work, on a Monday night. Today is one of those days my pastor talks about all the time. He says that demons lurk outside church doors to attack you as soon as you leave so that before you even make it back to the car, you are just as you were before you came in.
yes, I have issues. I'm aware of them. I'm dealing with it.
But y'all, I'm so determined to defeat this demon. I will do it. And today, my tool of choice is blogging. My music is playing, my arms and fingers are cramped, its still cold cuz i haven't adjusted the A/C, and for the last time tonight, I'm hungry. So, if this blog keeps me here, and not eating, then so be it. My mouth is ridiculously dry, and my teeth are grinding like crazy. The intensity and concentration right now, is --wait, is that thunder?? What is that rumbling? Wait...is the door creaking? hold up...Ok. it's gone. Whew...I couldn't tell if that was someone walking upstairs or thunder, lol. it was bout to be real empty in here because I was about to get GHOST...y'all know black people are the first to go in scary movie scenes. Dont play NO games. Hmph.
Anyway, now that I have put my business ALL out on front street, i feel like I'm a little more accountable for what i do when i leave; thus, I feel more prepared to resist the pull when i leave the building.
Day 3 started out not so great, but I'm still swinging above ground, so it finishes out pretty okay.
It is currently 9:48pm and I am still at work, blogging. I needed to catch up on blogs anyway, but I'll have to leave and face my fears eventually. I called my sister and confessed to her that I wanted to eat. She was very encouraging, and reminded me that I'm not a quitter, and that I should finish what I started. ESPECIALLY since I'm on Day 3 and it's almost over. I only have two more days to go. Lawd, give me strength. I'm so glad Isayah's with his dad this week cuz i couldn't take all of that at one time. I haven't taken an absorber or had anything to drink since 3:45, an hour late to boot. that was 6 hours ago. I can't believe I'm being such a punk, lol, but, its very serious for me. I feel about food the way crackheads feel about crack; its an addiction. Its not just about "oh, i love to eat too. so? doesn't everyone?". Nah, I have an emotional addiction to eating that I am aware of, and want to change before it ruins my life. And this is one of the first steps I've chosen towards that end. So, even though I live around the corner, I know---because i know me---that its so easy to say i'ma just hop in the car and drive home in the next 3 minutes...when in fact, as soon as I leave this building, my mind will begin to run down the list of all the eating places within a mile's radius, what time they close, what i can order this late at night, how much it costs, and what excuse I can use for going there. I also know that, because I'm starving right now *literally*, it wouldn't just be a meal. it'd be a complete and all out binge, and I'd order and purchase an obscene amount of food, eat it all when I get in the car, and it'll be gone before i make it to the apt. And then I'll get sick, and if not damage my stomach physically, the damage to my self-esteem from the guilt and shame of giving up and giving in might be more than a mere colon cleansing could repair. So, this is why it's 9:58 and I'm still at work, on a Monday night. Today is one of those days my pastor talks about all the time. He says that demons lurk outside church doors to attack you as soon as you leave so that before you even make it back to the car, you are just as you were before you came in.
yes, I have issues. I'm aware of them. I'm dealing with it.
But y'all, I'm so determined to defeat this demon. I will do it. And today, my tool of choice is blogging. My music is playing, my arms and fingers are cramped, its still cold cuz i haven't adjusted the A/C, and for the last time tonight, I'm hungry. So, if this blog keeps me here, and not eating, then so be it. My mouth is ridiculously dry, and my teeth are grinding like crazy. The intensity and concentration right now, is --wait, is that thunder?? What is that rumbling? Wait...is the door creaking? hold up...Ok. it's gone. Whew...I couldn't tell if that was someone walking upstairs or thunder, lol. it was bout to be real empty in here because I was about to get GHOST...y'all know black people are the first to go in scary movie scenes. Dont play NO games. Hmph.
Anyway, now that I have put my business ALL out on front street, i feel like I'm a little more accountable for what i do when i leave; thus, I feel more prepared to resist the pull when i leave the building.
Day 3 started out not so great, but I'm still swinging above ground, so it finishes out pretty okay.
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