Baggage Claim

So, I'm waiting at Terminal B to pick up my sister Michelle from Reagan National Airport. I can't tell u how lame it feels to be picking up my 21 year old lil sister from a business trip and I, at 29, have never in my life been on a business trip. I mean, do I even HAVE business? I almost never travel for makeup, not the kind I get paid for anyway.

I realize that sometimes I'm really hard on myself for making not-so-great choices and becoming a teen parent before I was ready. But days like today make me feel real justified. And, just so I'm clear, I'm not jealous of my sister. I thinks its very cool that she gets to experience a mostly carefree life; she can handle that. Only God knows where I'd be or what I'd have gotten into if I were still single and childless. But at the same time, no one let's me forget that I have a child and that my life is-according to them- basically over because I have to be responsible for a human life. I mean, is that really my only option? I'm definitely one of those women who fully intends to have and do it all. No questions about it; I just am. I just haven't figured out the most successful way for it work out for ME. Everyone has their own formula, sometimes they plan it, sometimes they do it as they go along. I'm DEFINITELY doing mine as I go along....one day at a time.

So, today is a day when the process is impeded by lame thoughts like "where's my business trip?", "what the hell is wrong with me??", and "I'm ready to quit my job and move to Bolivia...". I have NO IDEA whats in Bolivia, and i definitely don't speak the language...but it's looking like my chances of breaking into makeup there may be easier than here in slow-town USA a.k.a Washington, DC.

The problem is I know I need to move to a bigger market. I know it. I can't afford it. I don't know how it will effect Isayah. I have barely enough support here, so there'll be even less there. I can't afford classes here. I'm seriously struggling. There. All my excuses, out in the open. And even after having said all that, i still know i need to move and that i probably won't move to the next level until a few things happen...

1. I need to up my skill set.
1a. Airbrush
1b. HD
1c. Perfect Beauty

2. I need to learn business, marketing, and promotions for myself

The Powder Group offers a bunch of different classes that teach various things I need to learn...but their classes are so damn expensive!! I keep saying I'm going to save up and just take one. But, it hasn't happened yet. I can't seem to NOT have other stuff to spend my money on.

*sigh*

See all the baggage? No wonder I can't get a business trip going! I can't get my business in order! If I'm serious about really moving to the next level, then perhaps I can concoct a mixture of planning ahead with doing it as I go along...? Is that possible? Maybe...planning as you...go...along? *does that make sense to you?*

*side eye at myself*

Step 1: Drop off your baggage, Alandria.

Step 2: Stop treating your life like a side show, instead of the main attraction.

Step 3: Forgive yourself and keep it moving.

*disclaimer: this is the very same advice i would give any one of my friends, my enemies, or the strangers I meet on the subway.*

My task for this week is to stop making excuses. This will help me to put down the baggage I picked up over the past 2 years. For me, this means when I feel shitty and want to go buy makeup to make myself feel better, I should immediately transfer that money into my savings account then go STRAIGHT to www.thepowdergroup.com and drool over how much closer I just came to paying for my $290 ticket to The Powder Group's "The Artist Summit" in Miami on October 3-5.
This also means that when I wanna spend money on yet another order of buffalo wings, an order of Jasper's jambalaya, or take the whole house out to eat for $30, I say out loud "Alandria, you could be using this money for a first class upgrade on your trip to Miami in the fall...do you REALLY want these wings? Let's save this money and buy wings when we get there..."

and, yes, i do seriously have to talk to myself like that. *shrug* Whatever works.

Ok, I feel better now, not quite so lame anymore. I feel a bit more focused and ready for the weekend.

Thanks for listening to my rant! Wish me luck for my trial on Saturday!

Love and kisses for the weekend!

Beautiful Dae