Who's Who?

I was recently contacted by a representative from the publishing company for the book "Makeup Artists: The Who's Who in the Industry". Basically, I was asked to participate in the book...for a nominal fee. It was the chance of *my* lifetime. That would've been crazy obsessive exposure, and part of me feels like I may have missed the boat on that one. i was really looking forward not only to the exposure, but to going to the launch in October. "Why wouldn't you jump on that??" you may be thinking. Yup. I understand. Why didn't I jump on that?! Oh. Yeah, that's right, it was beyond expensive and I'm still a semi-struggling single mom until I marry my rich future ex-husband. Hmph....

But anyway, the launch begins in October in Vegas. I've been feeling kinda left out lately cuz i haven't been traveling as much as some of my counterparts in my age group. I know I have a valid reason why, but it's hard not to feel left behind. I've never been one to try to keep up with the Joneses, but I mean, sheesh! I AM getting older, and it's not easy to constantly remind myself that I'm saving for _______, or that I can't do such and such because I have to pay for _______, and that the reason I don't do this and that is because my sacrifice is for _____ right now. It gets so old and tired.

I feel i take myself seriously as an artist, and I really want to move into a direction where it's evident (to me) that industry people take me seriously as well. How will they do that if they don't see me? This book was to be an opportunity for that to happen. However, realistically, am I ready for the type of exposure this would have provided? am I ready to take calls from ppl searching for an artist on the other side of the country, and travel to them at a moment's notice? Do i have that flexibility? Nope. I don't. I'm stuck here, still dreaming. Who will care for Isayah while I go on location for a movie in Vancouver? How will he get to school? Who will make sure he stays on top of his chores, and eats balanced meals, and has clean underwear? Who will watch my apt while I'm gone? What about my job here? Will it be waiting for me when I get back? I can only take off so many single vacation days at a time....in my life right now, I'm the Who's Who but not in makeup; only as isayah's mom.

Man, this is the pits! :-( For a moment, I want to wallow in self pity. ...... ......... ...... ...... ... .....

Ok, moment over. The reality is that I am here, right now, and this is the hand I have right now, so this is the hand I'm playing until I deal myself a better hand. And while I'm waiting for the right time to play my trump card, Isayah is getting older by the day so the day is approaching sooner than I think...Let me at least make sure I'm ready for it when it comes. Shooot, I'm STILL the who's who, I'm still hawt ta def! They just don't know it yet, lol. and now that I've taken my moment of self pity...I'm okay with them not knowing. Its just not time, today. So, I'ma stay on my grind, keep my ear to the ground, my nose open, and stay alert.

And, seriously, who knows? Life is what happens when I'm busy making plans...so I may end up in Vegas in October after all. Ya just never know, right...*smiles*

Keep your head to skies, and your eyes forever on the prize, loves!


Beautiful Dae