I would dearly love some friends like me. I can safely safe I'm good on having friends with whom I have nothing in common; I don't need anymore for the moment. What would be great is a group of like-minded women with similar situations. I can't be the only creative artist who's single and has a child with an itty bitty support system, can I? Impossible. There have to be others like me. Where are they?
I've heard it said that it becomes increasingly more difficult to make new friends as u get older. Unfortunately, I don't believe this so I'm always on the lookout for new friend opportunities. I've always been like that, meeting ppl everywhere, conversing with random strangers in the weirdest places. Unfortunately, the pool of randoms get wider yet weirder as I age...so I have to be more careful these days.
Trust, I know what it is to be tired. EXHAUSTED. I know with crystal clarity what it is to not trust anyone enough to get close to them. And I also know what its like to be lonely. But I know it can't just be me that wants to have friends despite all those things. So, keeping with the theory that its impossible for me to be the lone wolf in this group of singlemotherdom, where errybody else at? My apt isn't the Grand Hyatt, but where are my fellow single moms who wanna bring the kids over for movie night? Or who have a recommendation for a GREAT babysitter in this recession? And where are all those still-young-at-heart moms who still have sleepovers?? Am I the ONLY one for real?? I mean, seriously.
A few weeks ago, I told a friend of mine (single no kids) that I've been dying to have a sleepover. I asked if I invited her, would she come? Basically, she said "I'd stop by but I wouldn't stay". While I respect her answer, I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me that I want to. Granted, I know its DC and the women here are TERRIBLY standoffish...but its not like I'm a serial kidnapper! I'm just as concerned and cautious as the next person with or without kids. I want to protect myself from crazy ppl and still find a way to have a good time. Whatever happened to house parties?! Are they only for college students, and adults who already know one another? How do single parents meet ppl nowadays?
Being a single parent means that, unless u have a live in nanny, a grandparent closeby, or a BOMB ASS on-call babysitter, u don't have much of a non-child social life. I barely drink, I don't smoke or do any kind of drugs, I don't go to clubs so guys can grind my pelvis to dust, and I DON'T have a bomb ass sitter. So, most of my time is spent at home, or at kid-friendly events. But now that school's back in, there is very little opportunity for spontaneity in my social life. I don't have the freedom to just throw in a happy hour during the week, or go hear live music after work on Fridays, or even take an early Saturday morning gym class. Between work, school, football, and makeup...most of my time is accounted for during the week. BUT, other single moms like me who do a lot (and let's face it, if we're surviving...we do a lot) MUST want to hang out SOMETIMES...mustn't they? Of course we can't all get together and go party all night...who can afford those sitter fees, and who has THAT type of energy? But if there were a few of us, someone different could host each weekend, or on Tuesdays or Thursdays when there's no football practice. Doesn't have to be a sleepover; it could be anything: movies, games, music, shoooot we could do a clothing/accessories/makeup swap if we have stuff to trade or give away. Throw in some food, some x-box games, or a movie and the kids are set, busy for the rest of the night. *Disclaimer: if u got bad ass kids then u are cordially UNinvited. Chances r u don't think ur child falls into this category...but let's keep it real. You are NOT stupid. Or blind. If you've left ur child with a sitter, family mbr or friend for more than an hour or two and upon ur return, ur sitter had no problem telling u that he/she almost jabbed the hell outta ur child...twice...then ur probably not invited to movie or game night. Your child is NOT gonna ruin it for everyone. Cuz I WILL punch a lil kid in the face. Hmph.
Idk, maybe I just come from a different time when stuff like that happened on the regular. Not in MY house of course, but everywhere else I went as a child. Aunts, uncle, grandparents, friends, everywhere. If u got kids, bring'em on, they can play in the kids' room while the adults chill out here with red dixie cups and a deck of cards. Lol, or was that just my ppls that did that?
I know one thing, I'm officially out of resources to keep making myself available to go to "single/married with no kids" functions. I get tired --so tired-- of having to scramble and find a sitter to do things cuz none of my friends have children so they don't really understand how flexible I simply can't be. And they keep wanting to do things that require me to be away from Isayah for hours at a time. And I'm on my last leg with that.
Its completely true, u shouldn't have children until ur ready. But for those of us who didn't listen, didn't pawn our children off on family members, or now find ourselves primary shareholders (read: custodial parents) for whatever reason, what's done is done. They're here now. And there must be some sort of balance for us. I'm a firm believer in group activities and I'm always quick to try to start an uprising, or a revolution.
Crazy people have made it extremely difficult to get ppl to reach out cuz now nobody trusts anybody anymore. And I get that. But if any of u know me, u know I like to just bust in, kick doors down, and get shit popping, lol. I'm tryna go everywhere, meet everybody, get everybody together, and build our network. I mean in church, at schools, on the football field, at the Rec Center, at the gyms, in the GROCERY STORE. Anywhere I might find a single mom who is social just like me, but also limited in their time and has to plan things the way I do....that one who gave up on "playing it by ear" long ago cuz she realized that yes, she NEEDS to plan her life that far in advance if she wants to get things done....that's who I want to meet.
Even those who aren't as anal about planning as I have to be, lol, can join our group too. I figure there's groups for motorcycles, prayer, atheists, softball, kickball (which I'm determined to find too), flag and co-ed football, knitting, bowling, sewing, swing dancing, hand dancing, casual sex, no sex, too much sex, bisexual, trisexual, asexual, hetero and homosexual...but there's not a group for me and my kind. Not here in alexandria, not that I know of. I just don't fit into my group of friends anymore. I'm single, and while I could have easily married my last boyfriend once I got ready, I'm in no big rush to marry.So that excludes me from that "single and looking" group.
I'm working, but I don't have extensive degrees or levels of education nor am I making bank like some are. I just don't have it yet. I will but right now, I don't. So that kicks me out of that group that sits around and compares designer bags shoes and clothes to pass the time. Retail therapy is not on my priority list.
While I love to dance the night away as much as the next girl, I'm not a club head or a party girl. You won't ever catch me in a club or a lounge more than once a week. Never. Won't catch me posted up, holding up the wall observing those around me more than--actually, I don't do that anymore so nevermind. Standing around looking cute nursing a drink is not my forte. It works for some girls; it annoys me. So, I'm out of the party girl group too. I'm not available for happy hours during the week. I could try it, but it'd require me to live SOOOO Trife, I couldn't live with the guilt. So, that leaves me in my little neck of the woods, all by myself, waiting for somebody to reach out. When I reach out, most times ppl think I'm weird and they either don't respond or they respond and don't follow thru.
Sigh.
What's a girl to do?
Am I gonna have to start the revolution myself? Hmmmmm...its worth looking into. I just can't believe that its just me who feels this way! I know ppl r busy, but they gon make time for me dammit! Lmao!
I'ma do some digging around and let y'all know what I come up with....
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