As many of you know, I was laid off from my job at the beginning of last month. I have since launched (or, begun proceedings to launch) a freelance proofreading and editing business, and it's moving right along. I don't have clients jumping off the page (er, uh, screen), but I am pleased with the progress that I'm making. Everyday is a new learning experience that I openly and warmly invite each morning when I awake. There are so many things I didn't expect to enjoy (like how really really REALLY good it feels to sleep in in the mornings and work at night) and things I didn't expect to learn (like the importance of quality over quantity).
The only trouble I'm having right now is: Why am I not panicking? Rent is certainly due on the 5th, in two days. And I don't have the money. My unemployment is taking forever to activate, and I truly have no idea where my rent money will come from. I just know it will come from somewhere.
Now, before we get ahead of ourselves, let's be clear: working for yourself is hard work. AND LOTS OF IT. Success should never be assumed or taken for granted. But, there's something to be said for 1)having a relationship with an awesome God; 2)knowing that what's happening is part of the master plan, and that this is what's supposed to happen; and 3)believing in yourself unconditionally, even when your friends and family give you never-ending side eyes for not desperately trying to "hurry up and find a 'regular job', just to get some money coming in". There is a sense of calm and okayness surrounding it, not because I think I'm the shit (which, I do) but because this is the life I wanted for myself. To quote one of my favorite people and my favorite quote, "I created this happiness by choice." It's what I said I wanted, and this is the beginning of that manifestation. (i think I'll go scan that and do a post about it...hmmmm)
Admittedly though, as a worrier, I find it juuuuust a tad disconcerting that I'm not worried about how things will work out positively, especially since I don't have the details of exactly when they will. I'm not used to this!
It appears that being self-employed is the one thing that has given me peace, after years and years of working for The Man. I can't explain it. I just know inside that this is the right choice. That said, I have no steady income, no insurance, I do have prospects but no regular clients yet. Each day, I study, study, study; each day, i cross things off my to-do list; each day, as the day before, I get up and go about the business of maintaining my home/office, care for my family, and try to come up with a new idea for income. Yet, each day there's no income. Not yet. And while I can't say that "I couldn't care less" (because I certainly could), I can say I truly believe that if I do the work, the money will come. I believe that, deep down, all the way to the core of my being. But the money's not coming yet...so why am I not pulling my hair out??!! These bills are due NOW! LOL!
Having the benefit of forewarning before my layoff was something I didn't take for granted; I knew I would need to prepare myself in ways I'd never prepared myself before. I was about to embark on a journey I'd never been on before, and I would do it alone. I needed my mind ready. So, while I studied and read every book, article, blog, and you-name-it-i-devoured-it for weeks, I also had little 'visualization sessions' where I pictured myself working from HOME, not having money coming in for a while, being calm while it took a few months to get things off the ground. I knew this might happen, so I subconsciously put myself there--in that moment of fear and panic of not knowing where my next paycheck would come from--over and over. But I didn't know if it would actually WORK to keep the panic at bay, lol. Seriously, I didn't.
Any new endeavor comes with a significant amount of trial and error, no matter how much you try to prepare yourself. Though I've never done this before, I knew it was a monumental task I'd set for myself, this business of self-employment. And I knew I would have to challenge myself in ways I'd never previously thought of. LOL, I'm not insane: I realize that in order to have a different outcome, I need to employ different tactics. Permanent failure is not an option for me so while I rise to the challenge of learning new things about business and finance, I must also rise to the challenge of learning new things about me...but it's still scary to not be scared, especially when I'm so used to it...especially when I open the mailbox each day.
So far, i haven't missed any meals. Isayah missed his second week of camp...but at least he was able to go for a week, so I'm okay with him missing the second week. I have what I need; wants will come later. I believe in what I'm doing wholeheartedly, and I'm not willing to rush it and have it go wrong because of fear or panic. Too often, poor disabling IRREPARABLE choices are made during moments of panic and fear; this is way too important for that. So, while I'm definitely not chillin' and resting on my laurels, I'm enjoying and absorbing the experience, fearlessly.
Failure is a huge part of success. Let me repeat that for the people who just skim through posts: FAILURE IS A HUGE PART OF SUCCESS. And if anyone tells you otherwise, they are lying to you. 'Dja get that? Read it again: L.Y.I.N.G. to you. There's no way around it, not even for me with my overly inflated ego *eye roll*. Therefore, if I fear one, I must fear the other....and while the idea of success at
If I don't do anything wrong, I'm clearly not learning anything...which means i'm headed nowhere, and FAST.
That's when y'all should start worrying about me.
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