happy new year!

this wont be a long post, i just wanted to stop in and say happy new year to everyone.  For some reason, I'm really diligent with blogging when i'm...happy. But, when i have a lot of stuff going on emotionally--and subsequently have a lot of crap just sitting up in my brain that actually NEEDS to be released--I can't. It is SO WEIRD! Sometimes, i actually take out my little notepad and just write down things I want to blog about, just so it can stop swimming around in my head. For instance, my son's father's other son was taken by his mother just before Christmas...and hasn't returned yet. I have some strong thoughts on that, and it made me feel a certain kinda way because I love that little boy like he's my own...but I also have some feelings about that special visit from karma that my son's father received. Yet, I'm avoiding it.

I have some very special feelings about a certain photographer--TWO of them, actually--who is refusing to work with me again because of a misunderstanding that happened almost 4 months ago. And another photographer who shot my very first self-keyed photo shoot...and still has yet to return the photos, claiming that he "can't get to them because he's bogged down with paying gigs."

lately, I've had some feelings about the dynamics of some of my friendships and how they've changed, or are changing, and how it's affecting me, in positive and negative ways. And still, avoidance. And i have the time. I'm just not doing it. When I spoke to one of my girlfriends about it, she said that it happens to all of us. No real explanation for anyone, it just happens. But, if I want to be serious about blogging consistently, I just have to be disciplined. Make the time, and do it. Period.

Is it that I don't feel I have anything to say? DOUBT THAT. Is it that I'm afraid of being judged on what I think? Again, DOUBT IT. Perhaps its that I'm.....afraid of something? Not ready yet? LOL, I know this is such a mindless and useless ramble of a post, but please bear with me. Or, rather, maybe you wanna just skip this one. Cuz it doesn't get any better, lol. I have so much excitement for my upcoming year, more than ever.  I'm turning 30 in 2 weeks, its a brand new year, i have A MILLION and 1 things going on so there's tons to talk about...so why am I so quiet?  Maybe I'm just not ready to share. and yet, everyday, when I list all the blogs i've written in my mind over and over, I promise myself I will hop online and at least WRITE THEM DOWN even if I don't publish them just yet.  but, no. nope. Nerp. I just think about them constantly, but never even get to it. On purpose.

Sigh.

WTF?

My bad for the mindless chatter...I at least wanted to post something, to remind myself that this blog still exists, lol. and that I have a responsibility to it, that I have dreams and goals for it, that I must attend to it as I would a child, or a pet, or a plant...so that it doesn't wither away and become one of those things I start but never finish. So, here's my post for today: I have no post.

Yes. Sometimes I am weird and random. We will learn to deal with it together.

:-)